The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第85部分

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blind；　eager　wave　urging　blindly　forward；　dark　with　the　same
homogeneous　desire。　And　all　their　talk　and　all　their　behaviour
was　sham；　they　were　dressed…up　creatures。　She　was　reminded　of
the　Invisible　Man；　who　was　a　piece　of　darkness　made　visible　only
by　his　clothes。

During　the　next　weeks；　all　the　time　she　went　about　in　the
same　dark　richness；　her　eyes　dilated　and　shining　like　the　eyes
of　a　wild　animal；　a　curious　half…smile　which　seemed　to　be　gibing
at　the　civic　pretence　of　all　the　human　life　about　her。

〃What　are　you；　you　pale　citizens？〃　her　face　seemed　to　say；
gleaming。　〃You　subdued　beast　in　sheep's　clothing；　you　primeval
darkness　falsified　to　a　social　mechanism。〃

She　went　about　in　the　sensual　sub…consciousness　all　the　time；
mocking　at　the　ready…made；　artificial　daylight　of　the　rest。

〃They　assume　selves　as　they　assume　suits　of　clothing；〃　she
said　to　herself；　looking　in　mocking　contempt　at　the　stiffened；
neutralized　men。　〃They　think　it　better　to　be　clerks　or
professors　than　to　be　the　dark；　fertile　beings　that　exist　in　the
potential　darkness。　What　do　you　think　you　are？〃　her　soul　asked
of　the　professor　as　she　sat　opposite　him　in　class。　〃What　do　you
think　you　are；　as　you　sit　there　in　your　gown　and　your
spectacles？　You　are　a　lurking；　blood…sniffing　creature　with　eyes
peering　out　of　the　jungle　darkness；　snuffing　for　your　desires。
That　is　what　you　are；　though　nobody　would　believe　it；　and
you　would　be　the　very　last　to　allow　it。〃

Her　soul　mocked　at　all　this　pretence。　Herself；　she　kept　on
pretending。　She　dressed　herself　and　made　herself　fine；　she
attended　her　lectures　and　scribbled　her　notes。　But　all　in　a　mood
of　superficial；　mocking　facility。　She　understood　well　enough
their　two…and…two…make…four　tricks。　She　was　as　clever　as　they
were。　But　care！……did　she　care　about　their　monkey　tricks　of
knowledge　or　learning　or　civic　deportment？　She　did　not　care　in
the　least。

There　was　Skrebensky；　there　was　her　dark；　vital　self。　Outside
the　college；　the　outer　darkness；　Skrebensky　was　waiting。　On　the
edge　of　the　night；　he　was　attentive。　Did　he　care？

She　was　free　as　a　leopard　that　sends　up　its　raucous　cry　in
the　night。　She　had　the　potent；　dark　stream　of　her　own　blood；　she
had　the　glimmering　core　of　fecundity；　she　had　her　mate；　her
plement；　her　sharer　in　fruition。　So；　she　had　all；
everything。

Skrebensky　was　staying　in　Nottingham　all　the　time。　He　too　was
free。　He　knew　no　one　in　this　town；　he　had　no　civic　self　to
maintain。　He　was　free。　Their　trams　and　markets　and　theatres　and
public　meetings　were　a　shaken　kaleidoscope　to　him；　he　watched　as
a　lion　or　a　tiger　may　lie　with　narrowed　eyes　watching　the　people
pass　before　its　cage；　the　kaleidoscopic　unreality　of　people；　or
a　leopard　lie　blinking；　watching　the　inprehensible　feats　of
the　keepers。　He　despised　it　all……it　was　all　non…existent。
Their　good　professors；　their　good　clergymen；　their　good
political　speakers；　their　good；　earnest　women……all　the　time
he　felt　his　soul　was　grinning；　grinning　at　the　sight　of　them。　So
many　performing　puppets；　all　wood　and　rag　for　the
performance！

He　watched　the　citizen；　a　pillar　of　society；　a　model；　saw　the
stiff　goat's　legs；　which　have　bee　almost　stiffened　to　wood　in
the　desire　to　make　them　puppet　in　their　action；　he　saw　the
trousers　formed　to　the　puppet…action：　man's　legs；　but　man's　legs
bee　rigid　and　deformed；　ugly；　mechanical。

He　was　curiously　happy；　being　alone；　now。　The　glimmering　grin
was　on　his　face。　He　had　no　longer　any　necessity　to　take　part　in
the　performing　tricks　of　the　rest。　He　had　discovered　the　clue　to
himself；　he　had　escaped　from　the　show；　like　a　wild　beast　escaped
straight　back　into　its　jungle。　Having　a　room　in　a　quiet　hotel；
he　hired　a　horse　and　rode　out　into　the　country；　staying
sometimes　for　the　night　in　some　village；　and　returning　the　next
day。

He　felt　rich　and　abundant　in　himself。　Everything　he　did　was　a
voluptuous　pleasure　to　him……either　to　ride　on　horseback；　or
to　walk；　or　to　lie　in　the　sun；　or　to　drink　in　a　public…house。　He
had　no　use　for　people；　nor　for　words。　He　had　an　amused　pleasure
in　everything；　a　great　sense　of　voluptuous　richness　in　himself；
and　of　the　fecundity　of　the　universal　night　he　inhabited。　The
puppet　shapes　of　people；　their　wood…mechanical　voices；　he　was
remote　from　them。

For　there　were　always　his　meetings　with　Ursula。　Very　often；
she　did　not　go　to　college　in　the　afternoon；　but　walked　with　him
instead。　Or　he　took　a　motor…car　or　a　dog…cart　and　they　drove
into　the　country；　leaving　the　car　and　going　away　by　themselves
into　the　woods。　He　had　not　taken　her　yet。　With　subtle；
instinctive　economy；　they　went　to　the　end　of　each　kiss；　each
embrace；　each　pleasure　in　intimate　contact；　knowing
subconsciously　that　the　last　was　ing。　It　was　to　be　their
final　entry　into　the　source　of　creation。

She　took　him　home；　and　he　stayed　a　week…end　at　Beldover　with
her　family。　She　loved　having　him　in　the　house。　Strange　how　he
seemed　to　e　into　the　atmosphere　of　her　family；　with　his
laughing；　insidious　grace。　They　all　loved　him；　he　was　kin　to
them。　His　raillery；　his　warm；　voluptuous　mocking　presence　was
meat　and　joy　to　the　Brangwen　household。　For　this　house　was
always　quivering　with　darkness；　they　put　off　their　puppet　form
when　they　came　home；　to　lie　and　drowse　in　the　sun。

There　was　a　sense　of　freedom　amongst　them　all；　of　the
undercurrent　of　darkness　among　them　all。　Yet　here；　at　home；
Ursula　resented　it。　It　became　distasteful　to　her。　And　she　knew
that　if　they　understood　the　real　relationship　between　her　and
Skrebensky；　her　parents；　her　father　in　particular；　would　go　mad
with　rage。　So　subtly；　she　seemed　to　be　like　any　other　girl　who
is　more　or　less　courted　by　a　man。　And　she　was　like　any　other
girl。　But　in　her；　the　antagonism　to　the　social　imposition　was
for　the　time　plete　and　final。

She　waited；　every　moment　of　the　day；　for　his　next　kiss。　She
admitted　it　to　herself　in　shame　and　bliss。　Almost　consciously；
she　waited。　He　waited；　but；　until　the　time　came；　more
unconsciously。　When　the　time　came　that　he　should　kiss　her　again；
a　prevention　was　an　annihilation　to　him。　He　felt　his　flesh　go
grey；　he　was　heavy　with　a　corpse…like　inanition；　he　did　not
exist；　if　the　time　passed　unfulfilled。

He　came　to　her　finally　in　a　superb　consummation。　It　was　very
dark；　and　again　a　windy；　heavy　night。　They　had　e　down　the
lane　towards　Beldover；　down　to　the　valley。　They　were　at　the　end
of　their　kisses；　and　there　was　the　silence　between　them。　They
stood　as　at　the　edge　of　a　cliff；　with　a　great　darkness
beneath。

ing　out　of　the　lane　along　the　darkness；　with　the　dark
space　spreading　down　to　the　wind；　and　the　twinkling　lights　of
the　station　below；　the　far…off　windy　chuff　of　a　shunting　train；
the　tiny　clink…clink…clink　of　the　wagons　blown　between　the　wind；
the　light　of　Beldover…edge　twinkling　upon　the　blackness　of　the
hill　opposite；　the　glow　of　the　furnaces　along　the　railway　to　the
right；　their　steps　began　to　falter。　They　would　soon　e　out　of
the　darkness　into　the　lights。　It　was　like　turning　back。　It　was
unfulfilment。　Two　quivering；　unwilling　creatures；　they　lingered
on　the　edge　of　the　darkness；　peering　out　at　the　lights　and　the
machine…glimmer　beyond。　They　could　not　turn　back　to　the
world……they　could　not。

So　lingering　along；　they　came　to　a　great　oak　tree　by　the
path。　In　all　its　budding　mass　it　roared　to　the　wind；　and　its
trunk　vibrated　in　every　fibre；　powerful；　indomitable。

〃We　will　sit　down；〃　he　said。

And　in　the　roaring　circle　under　the　tree；　that　was　almost
invisible　yet　whose　powerful　presence　received　them；　they　lay　a
moment　looking　at　the　twinkling　lights　on　the　darkness　opposite；
saw　the　sweeping　brand　of　a　train　past　the　edge　of　their
darkened　field。

Then　he　turned　and　kissed　her；　and　she　waited　for　him。　The
pain　to　her　was　the　pain　she　wanted；　the　agony　was　the　agony　she
wanted。　She　was　caught　up；　entangled　in　the　powerful　vibration
of　the　night。　The　man；　what　was　he？……a　dark；　powerful
vibration　that　enpassed　her。　She　passed　away　as　on　a　dark
wind；　far；　far　away；　into　the　pristine　darkness　of　paradise；
into　the　original　immortality。　She　entered　the　dark　fields　of
immortality。

When　she　rose；　she　felt　strangely　free；　strong。　She　was　not
ashamed；……why　should　she　be？　He　was　walking　beside　her；　the
man　who　had　been　with　her。　She　had　taken　him；　they　had　been
together。　Whither　they　had　gone；　she　did　not　know。　But　it　was　as
if　she　had　received　another　nature。　She　belonged　to　the　eternal；
changeless　place　into　which　they　had　leapt　together。

Her　soul　was　sure　and　indifferent　of　the　opinion　of　the　world
of　artificial　light。　As　they　went　up　the　steps　of　the
foot…bridge　over　the　railway；　and　met　the　train…passengers；　she
felt　herself　belonging　to　another　world；　she　walked　past　them
immune；　a　whole　darkness　dividing　her　from　them。　When　she　went
into　the　lighted　dining…room　at　home；　she　was　impervious　to　the
lights　and　the　eyes　of　her　parents。　Her　everyday　self　was　just
the　same。　She　merely　had　another；　stronger　self　that　knew　the
darkness。

This　curious　separate　strength；　that　existed　in　darkness　and
pride　of　night；　never　forsook　her。　She　had　never　been　more
herself。　It　could　not　occur　to　her　that　anybody；　not　even　the
young　man　of　the　world；　Skrebensky；　should　have　anything　at　all
to　do　with　her　permanent　self。　As　for　her　temporal；　social　self；
she　let　it　look　after　itself。

Her　whole　soul　was　implicated　with　Skrebensky……not　the
young　man　of　the　world；　but　the　undifferentiated　man　he　was。　She
was　perfectly　sure　of　herself；　perfectly　strong；　stronger　than
all　the　world。　The　world　was　not　strong……she　was　strong。
The　world　existed　only　in　a　secondary　sense：……she　existed
supremely。

She　continued　at　college；　in　her　ordinary　routine；　merely　as
a　cover　to　her　dark；　powerful　under…life。　The　fact　of　herself；
and　with　her　Skrebensky；　was　so　powerful；　that　she　took　rest　in
the　other。　She　went　to　college　in　the　morning；　and　attended　her
classes；　flowering；　and　remote。

She　had　lunch　with　him　in　his　hotel；　every　evening　she　spent
with　him；　either　in　town；　at　his　rooms；　or　in　the　country。　She
made　the　excuse　at　home　of　evening　study　for　her　degree。　But　she
paid　not　the　slightest　attention　to　her　study。

They　were　both　absolute　and　happy　and　calm。　The　fact　of　their
own　consummate　being　made　everything　else　so　entirely
subordinate　that　they　were　free。　The　only　thing　they　wanted；　as
the　days　went　by；　was　more　time　to　themselves。　They　wanted　the
time　to　be　absolutely　their　own。

The　Easter　vacation　was　approaching。　They　agreed　to　go　right
away。　It　would　not　matter　if　they　did　not　e　back。　They　were
indifferent　to　the　actual　facts。

〃I　suppose　we　ought　to　get　married；〃　he　said；　rather
wistfully。　It　was　so　magnificently　free　and　in　a　deeper
world；　as　it　was。　To　make　public　their　connection　would　be　to
put　it　in　range　with　all　the　things　which　nullified　him；　and
from　which　he　was　for　the　moment　entirely　dissociated。　If　he
married　he　would　have　to　assume　his　social　self。　And　the　thought
of　assuming　his　social　self　made　him　at　once　diffident　and
abstract。　If　she　were　his　social　wife；　if　she　were　part　of　that
plication　of　dead　reality；　then　what　had　his　under…life　to　do
with　her？　One's　social　wife　was　almost　a