The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第84部分

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presence。　He　was　a　great　rider；　so　there　was　about　him　some　of　a
horseman's　sureness　and　habitual　definiteness　of　decision；　also
some　of　the　horseman's　animal　darkness。　Yet　his　soul　was　only
the　more　wavering；　vague。　He　seemed　made　up　of　a　set　of　habitual
actions　and　decisions。　The　vulnerable；　variable　quick　of　the　man
was　inaccessible。　She　knew　nothing　of　it。　She　could　only　feel
the　dark；　heavy　fixity　of　his　animal　desire。

This　dumb　desire　on　his　part　had　brought　him　to　her？　She　was
puzzled；　hurt　by　some　hopeless　fixity　in　him；　that　terrified　her
with　a　cold　feeling　of　despair。　What　did　he　want？　His　desires
were　so　underground。　Why　did　he　not　admit　himself？　What　did　he
want？　He　wanted　something　that　should　be　nameless。　She　shrank　in
fear。

Yet　she　flashed　with　excitement。　In　his　dark；　subterranean
male　soul；　he　was　kneeling　before　her；　darkly　exposing　himself。
She　quivered；　the　dark　flame　ran　over　her。　He　was　waiting　at　her
feet。　He　was　helpless；　at　her　mercy。　She　could　take　or　reject。
If　she　rejected　him；　something　would　die　in　him。　For　him　it　was
life　or　death。　And　yet；　all　must　be　kept　so　dark；　the
consciousness　must　admit　nothing。

〃How　long；〃　she　said；　〃are　you　staying　in　England？〃

〃I　am　not　sure……but　not　later　than　July；　I　believe。〃

Then　they　were　both　silent。　He　was　here；　in　England；　for　six
months。　They　had　a　space　of　six　months　between　them。　He　waited。
The　same　iron　rigidity；　as　if　the　world　were　made　of　steel；
possessed　her　again。　It　was　no　use　turning　with　flesh　and　blood
to　this　arrangement　of　forged　metal。

Quickly；　her　imagination　adjusted　itself　to　the
situation。

〃Have　you　an　appointment　in　India？〃　she　asked。

〃Yes……I　have　just　the　six　months'　leave。〃

〃Will　you　like　being　out　there？〃

〃I　think　so……there's　a　good　deal　of　social　life；　and
plenty　going　on……hunting；　polo……and　always　a　good
horse……and　plenty　of　work；　any　amount　of　work。〃

He　was　always　side…tracking；　always　side…tracking　his　own
soul。　She　could　see　him　so　well　out　there；　in　India……one　of
the　governing　class；　superimposed　upon　an　old　civilization；　lord
and　master　of　a　clumsier　civilization　than　his　own。　It　was　his
choice。　He　would　bee　again　an　aristocrat；　invested　with
authority　and　responsibility；　having　a　great　helpless　populace
beneath　him。　One　of　the　ruling　class；　his　whole　being　would　be
given　over　to　the　fulfilling　and　the　executing　of　the　better
idea　of　the　state。　And　in　India；　there　would　be　real　work　to　do。
The　country　did　need　the　civilization　which　he　himself
represented：　it　did　need　his　roads　and　bridges；　and　the
enlightenment　of　which　he　was　part。　He　would　go　to　India。　But
that　was　not　her　road。

Yet　she　loved　him；　the　body　of　him；　whatever　his　decisions
might　be。　He　seemed　to　want　something　of　her。　He　was　waiting　for
her　to　decide　of　him。　It　had　been　decided　in　her　long　ago；　when
he　had　kissed　her　first。　He　was　her　lover；　though　good　and　evil
should　cease。　Her　will　never　relaxed；　though　her　heart　and　soul
must　be　imprisoned　and　silenced。　He　waited　upon　her；　and　she
accepted　him。　For　he　had　e　back　to　her。

A　glow　came　into　his　face；　into　his　fine；　smooth　skin；　his
eyes；　gold…grey；　glowed　intimately　to　her。　He　burned　up；　he
caught　fire　and　became　splendid；　royal；　something　like　a　tiger。
She　caught　his　brilliant；　burnished　glamour。　Her　heart　and　her
soul　were　shut　away　fast　down　below；　hidden。　She　was　free　of
them。　She　was　to　have　her　satisfaction。

She　became　proud　and　erect；　like　a　flower；　putting　itself
forth　in　its　proper　strength。　His　warmth　invigorated　her。　His
beauty　of　form；　which　seemed　to　glow　out　in　contrast　with　the
rest　of　people；　made　her　proud。　It　was　like　deference　to　her；
and　made　her　feel　as　if　she　represented　before　him　all　the　grace
and　flower　of　humanity。　She　was　no　mere　Ursula　Brangwen。　She　was
Woman；　she　was　the　whole　of　Woman　in　the　human　order。
All…containing；　universal；　how　should　she　be　limited　to
individuality？

She　was　exhilarated；　she　did　not　want　to　go　away　from　him。
She　had　her　place　by　him。　Who　should　take　her　away？

They　came　out　of　the　cafe。

〃Is　there　anything　you　would　like　to　do？〃　he　said。　〃Is　there
anything　we　can　do？〃

It　was　a　dark；　windy　night　in　March。

〃There　is　nothing　to　do；〃　she　said。

Which　was　the　answer　he　wanted。

〃Let　us　walk　then……where　shall　we　walk？〃　he　asked。

〃Shall　we　go　to　the　river？〃　she　suggested；　timidly。

In　a　moment　they　were　on　the　tram；　going　down　to　Trent
Bridge。　She　was　so　glad。　The　thought　of　walking　in　the　dark；
far…reaching　water…meadows；　beside　the　full　river；　transported
her。　Dark　water　flowing　in　silence　through　the　big；　restless
night　made　her　feel　wild。

They　crossed　the　bridge；　descended；　and　went　away　from　the
lights。　In　an　instant；　in　the　darkness；　he　took　her　hand　and
they　went　in　silence；　with　subtle　feet　treading　the　darkness。
The　town　fumed　away　on　their　left；　there　were　strange　lights　and
sounds；　the　wind　rushed　against　the　trees；　and　under　the　bridge。
They　walked　close　together；　powerful　in　unison。　He　drew　her　very
close；　held　her　with　a　subtle；　stealthy；　powerful　passion；　as　if
they　had　a　secret　agreement　which　held　good　in　the　profound
darkness。　The　profound　darkness　was　their　universe。

〃It　is　like　it　was　before；〃　she　said。

Yet　it　was　not　in　the　least　as　it　was　before。　Nevertheless
his　heart　was　perfectly　in　accord　with　her。　They　thought　one
thought。

〃I　knew　I　should　e　back；〃　he　said　at　length。

She　quivered。

〃Did　you　always　love　me？〃　she　asked。

The　directness　of　the　question　overcame　him；　submerged　him
for　a　moment。　The　darkness　travelled　massively　along。

〃I　had　to　e　back　to　you；〃　he　said；　as　if　hypnotized。　〃You
were　always　at　the　back　of　everything。〃

She　was　silent　with　triumph；　like　fate。

〃I　loved　you；〃　she　said；　〃always。〃

The　dark　flame　leaped　up　in　him。　He　must　give　her　himself。　He
must　give　her　the　very　foundations　of　himself。　He　drew　her　very
close；　and　they　went　on　in　silence。

She　started　violently；　hearing　voices。　They　were　near　a　stile
across　the　dark　meadows。

〃It's　only　lovers；〃　he　said　to　her；　softly。

She　looked　to　see　the　dark　figures　against　the　fence；
wondering　that　the　darkness　was　inhabited。

〃Only　lovers　will　walk　here　to…night；〃　he　said。

Then　in　a　low；　vibrating　voice　he　told　her　about　Africa；　the
strange　darkness；　the　strange；　blood　fear。

〃I　am　not　afraid　of　the　darkness　in　England；〃　he　said。　〃It　is
soft；　and　natural　to　me；　it　is　my　medium；　especially　when　you
are　here。　But　in　Africa　it　seems　massive　and　fluid　with
terror……not　fear　of　anything……just　fear。　One　breathes
it；　like　the　smell　of　blood。　The　blacks　know　it。　They　worship
it；　really；　the　darkness。　One　almost　likes　it……the
fear……something　sensual。〃

She　thrilled　again　to　him。　He　was　to　her　a　voice　out　of　the
darkness。　He　talked　to　her　all　the　while；　in　low　tones；　about
Africa；　conveying　something　strange　and　sensual　to　her：　the
negro；　with　his　loose；　soft　passion　that　could　envelop　one　like
a　bath。　Gradually　he　transferred　to　her　the　hot；　fecund　darkness
that　possessed　his　own　blood。　He　was　strangely　secret。　The　whole
world　must　be　abolished。　He　maddened　her　with　his　soft；
cajoling；　vibrating　tones。　He　wanted　her　to　answer；　to
understand。　A　turgid；　teeming　night；　heavy　with　fecundity　in
which　every　molecule　of　matter　grew　big　with　increase；　secretly
urgent　with　fecund　desire；　seemed　to　e　to　pass。　She　quivered；
taut　and　vibrating；　almost　pained。　And　gradually；　he　ceased
telling　her　of　Africa；　there　came　a　silence；　whilst　they　walked
the　darkness　beside　the　massive　river。　Her　limbs　were　rich　and
tense；　she　felt　they　must　be　vibrating　with　a　low；　profound
vibration。　She　could　scarcely　walk。　The　deep　vibration　of　the
darkness　could　only　be　felt；　not　heard。

Suddenly；　as　they　walked；　she　turned　to　him　and　held　him
fast；　as　if　she　were　turned　to　steel。

〃Do　you　love　me？〃　she　cried　in　anguish。

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　in　a　curious；　lapping　voice；　unlike　himself。
〃Yes；　I　love　you。〃

He　seemed　like　the　living　darkness　upon　her；　she　was　in　the
embrace　of　the　strong　darkness。　He　held　her　enclosed；　soft；
unutterably　soft；　and　with　the　unrelaxing　softness　of　fate；　the
relentless　softness　of　fecundity。　She　quivered；　and　quivered；
like　a　tense　thing　that　is　struck。　But　he　held　her　all　the　time；
soft；　unending；　like　darkness　closed　upon　her；　omnipresent　as
the　night。　He　kissed　her；　and　she　quivered　as　if　she　were　being
destroyed；　shattered。　The　lighted　vessel　vibrated；　and　broke　in
her　soul；　the　light　fell；　struggled；　and　went　dark。　She　was　all
dark；　will…less；　having　only　the　receptive　will。

He　kissed　her；　with　his　soft；　enveloping　kisses；　and　she
responded　to　them　pletely；　her　mind；　her　soul　gone　out。
Darkness　cleaving　to　darkness；　she　hung　close　to　him；　pressed
herself　into　soft　flow　of　his　kiss；　pressed　herself　down；　down
to　the　source　and　core　of　his　kiss；　herself　covered　and
enveloped　in　the　warm；　fecund　flow　of　his　kiss；　that　travelled
over　her；　flowed　over　her；　covered　her；　flowed　over　the　last
fibre　of　her；　so　they　were　one　stream；　one　dark　fecundity；　and
she　clung　at　the　core　of　him；　with　her　lips　holding　open　the
very　bottommost　source　of　him。

So　they　stood　in　the　utter；　dark　kiss；　that　triumphed　over
them　both；　subjected　them；　knitted　them　into　one　fecund　nucleus
of　the　fluid　darkness。

It　was　bliss；　it　was　the　nucleolating　of　the　fecund　darkness。
Once　the　vessel　had　vibrated　till　it　was　shattered；　the　light　of
consciousness　gone；　then　the　darkness　reigned；　and　the
unutterable　satisfaction。

They　stood　enjoying　the　unmitigated　kiss；　taking　it；　giving
to　it　endlessly；　and　still　it　was　not　exhausted。　Their　veins
fluttered；　their　blood　ran　together　as　one　stream。

Till　gradually　a　sleep；　a　heaviness　settled　on　them；　a
drowse；　and　out　of　the　drowse；　a　small　light　of　consciousness
woke　up。　Ursula　became　aware　of　the　night　around　her；　the　water
lapping　and　running　full　just　near；　the　trees　roaring　and
soughing　in　gusts　of　wind。

She　kept　near　to　him；　in　contact　with　him；　but　she　became
ever　more　and　more　herself。　And　she　knew　she　must　go　to　catch
her　train。　But　she　did　not　want　to　draw　away　from　contact　with
him。

At　length　they　roused　and　set　out。　No　longer　they　existed　in
the　unblemished　darkness。　There　was　the　glitter　of　a　bridge；　the
twinkle　of　lights　across　the　river；　the　big　flare　of　the　town　in
front　and　on　their　right。

But　still；　dark　and　soft　and　incontestable；　their　bodies
walked　untouched　by　the　lights；　darkness　supreme　and
arrogant。

〃The　stupid　lights；〃　Ursula　said　to　herself；　in　her　dark
sensual　arrogance。　〃The　stupid；　artificial；　exaggerated　town；
fuming　its　lights。　It　does　not　exist　really。　It　rests　upon　the
unlimited　darkness；　like　a　gleam　of　coloured　oil　on　dark　water；
but　what　is　it？……nothing；　just　nothing。〃

In　the　tram；　in　the　train；　she　felt　the　same。　The　lights；　the
civic　uniform　was　a　trick　played；　the　people　as　they　moved　or
sat　were　only　dummies　exposed。　She　could　see；　beneath　their
pale；　wooden　pretence　of　posure　and　civic　purposefulness；　the
dark　stream　that　contained　them　all。　They　were　like　little　paper
ships　in　their　motion。　But　in　reality　each　one　was　a　dark；
blind；　eager　wave　urging　blindly　forward；　dark　wit