The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第76部分

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struck　her　hand　that　was　carrying　her　bag；　bruising　her。　As　it
rolled　away　she　saw　that　it　was　a　potato。　Her　hand　was　hurt；　but
she　gave　no　sign。　Soon　she　would　take　the　tram。

She　was　afraid；　and　strange。　It　was　to　her　quite　strange　and
ugly；　like　some　dream　where　she　was　degraded。　She　would　have
died　rather　than　admit　it　to　anybody。　She　could　not　look　at　her
swollen　hand。　Something　had　broken　in　her；　she　had　passed　a
crisis。　Williams　was　beaten；　but　at　a　cost。

Feeling　too　much　upset　to　go　home；　she　rode　a　little　farther
into　the　town；　and　got　down　from　the　tram　at　a　small　tea…shop。
There；　in　the　dark　little　place　behind　the　shop；　she　drank　her
tea　and　ate　bread…and…butter。　She　did　not　taste　anything。　The
taking　of　tea　was　just　a　mechanical　action；　to　cover　over　her
existence。　There　she　sat　in　the　dark；　obscure　little　place；
without　knowing。　Only　unconsciously　she　nursed　the　back　of　her
hand；　which　was　bruised。

When　finally　she　took　her　way　home；　it　was　sunset　red　across
the　west。　She　did　not　know　why　she　was　going　home。　There　was
nothing　for　her　there。　She　had；　true；　only　to　pretend　to　be
normal。　There　was　nobody　she　could　speak　to；　nowhere　to　go　for
escape。　But　she　must　keep　on；　under　this　red　sunset；　alone；
knowing　the　horror　in　humanity；　that　would　destroy　her；　and　with
which　she　was　at　war。　Yet　it　had　to　be　so。

In　the　morning　again　she　must　go　to　school。　She　got　up　and
went　without　murmuring　even　to　herself。　She　was　in　the　hands　of
some　bigger；　stronger；　coarser　will。

School　was　fairly　quiet。　But　she　could　feel　the　class
watching　her；　ready　to　spring　on　her。　Her　instinct　was　aware　of
the　class　instinct　to　catch　her　if　she　were　weak。　But　she　kept
cold　and　was　guarded。

Williams　was　absent　from　school。　In　the　middle　of　the　morning
there　was　a　knock　at　the　door：　someone　wanted　the　headmaster。
Mr。　Harby　went　out；　heavily；　angrily；　nervously。　He　was　afraid
of　irate　parents。　After　a　moment　in　the　passage；　he　came　again
into　school。

〃Sturgess；〃　he　called　to　one　of　his　larger　boys。　〃Stand　in
front　of　the　class　and　write　down　the　name　of　anyone　who　speaks。
Will　you　e　this　way；　Miss　Brangwen。〃

He　seemed　vindictively　to　seize　upon　her。

Ursula　followed　him；　and　found　in　the　lobby　a　thin　woman　with
a　whitish　skin；　not　ill…dressed　in　a　grey　costume　and　a　purple
hat。

〃I　called　about　Vernon；〃　said　the　woman；　speaking　in　a
refined　accent。　There　was　about　the　woman　altogether　an
appearance　of　refinement　and　of　cleanliness；　curiously
contradicted　by　her　half　beggar's　deportment；　and　a　sense　of　her
being　unpleasant　to　touch；　like　something　going　bad　inside。　She
was　neither　a　lady　nor　an　ordinary　working　man's　wife；　but　a
creature　separate　from　society。　By　her　dress　she　was　not
poor。

Ursula　knew　at　once　that　she　was　Williams'　mother；　and　that
he　was　Vernon。　She　remembered　that　he　was　always　clean；　and
well…dressed；　in　a　sailor　suit。　And　he　had　this　same　peculiar；
half　transparent　unwholesomeness；　rather　like　a　corpse。

〃I　wasn't　able　to　send　him　to　school　to…day；〃　continued　the
woman；　with　a　false　grace　of　manner。　〃He　came　home　last　night
so　ill……he　was　violently　sick……I　thought　I
should　have　to　send　for　the　doctor。……You　know　he　has　a　weak
heart。〃

The　woman　looked　at　Ursula　with　her　pale；　dead　eyes。

〃No；〃　replied　the　girl；　〃I　did　not　know。〃

She　stood　still　with　repulsion　and　uncertainty。　Mr。　Harby；
large　and　male；　with　his　overhanging　moustache；　stood　by　with　a
slight；　ugly　smile　at　the　corner　of　his　eyes。　The　woman　went　on
insidiously；　not　quite　human：

〃Oh；　yes；　he　has　had　heart　disease　ever　since　he　was　a　child。
That　is　why　he　isn't　very　regular　at　school。　And　it　is　very　bad
to　beat　him。　He　was　awfully　ill　this　morning……I　shall　call
on　the　doctor　as　I　go　back。〃

〃Who　is　staying　with　him　now；　then？〃　put　in　the　deep　voice　of
the　schoolmaster；　cunningly。

〃Oh；　I　left　him　with　a　woman　who　es　in　to　help
me……and　who　understands　him。　But　I　shall　call　in　the　doctor
on　my　way　home。〃

Ursula　stood　still。　She　felt　vague　threats　in　all　this。　But
the　woman　was　so　utterly　strange　to　her；　that　she　did　not
understand。

〃He　told　me　he　had　been　beaten；〃　continued　the　woman；　〃and
when　I　undressed　him　to　put　him　to　bed；　his　body　was　covered
with　marks……I　could　show　them　to　any　doctor。〃

Mr。　Harby　looked　at　Ursula　to　answer。　She　began　to
understand。　The　woman　was　threatening　to　take　out　a　charge　of
assault　on　her　son　against　her。　Perhaps　she　wanted　money。

〃I　caned　him；〃　she　said。　〃He　was　so　much　trouble。〃

〃I'm　sorry　if　he　was　troublesome；〃　said　the　woman；　〃but　he
must　have　been　shamefully　beaten。　I　could　show　the　marks　to　any
doctor。　I'm　sure　it　isn't　allowed；　if　it　was　known。〃

〃I　caned　him　while　he　kept　kicking　me；〃　said　Ursula；　getting
angry　because　she　was　half　excusing　herself；　Mr。　Harby　standing
there　with　the　twinkle　at　the　side　of　his　eyes；　enjoying　the
dilemma　of　the　two　women。

〃I'm　sure　I'm　sorry　if　he　behaved　badly；〃　said　the　woman。
〃But　I　can't　think　he　deserved　beating　as　he　has　been。　I　can't
send　him　to　school；　and　really　can't　afford　to　pay　the
doctor。……Is　it　allowed　for　the　teachers　to　beat　the
children　like　that；　Mr。　Harby？〃

The　headmaster　refused　to　answer。　Ursula　loathed　herself；　and
loathed　Mr。　Harby　with　his　twinkling　cunning　and　malice　on　the
occasion。　The　other　miserable　woman　watched　her　chance。

〃It　is　an　expense　to　me；　and　I　have　a　great　struggle　to　keep
my　boy　decent。〃

Ursula　still　would　not　answer。　She　looked　out　at　the　asphalt
yard；　where　a　dirty　rag　of　paper　was　blowing。

〃And　it　isn't　allowed　to　beat　a　child　like　that；　I　am　sure；
especially　when　he　is　delicate。〃

Ursula　stared　with　a　set　face　on　the　yard；　as　if　she　did　not
hear。　She　loathed　all　this；　and　had　ceased　to　feel　or　to
exist。

〃Though　I　know　he　is　troublesome　sometimes……but　I　think
it　was　too　much。　His　body　is　covered　with　marks。〃

Mr。　Harby　stood　sturdy　and　unmoved；　waiting　now　to　have　done；
with　the　twinkling；　tiny　wrinkles　of　an　ironical　smile　at　the
corners　of　his　eyes。　He　felt　himself　master　of　the
situation。

〃And　he　was　violently　sick。　I　couldn't　possibly　send　him　to
school　to…day。　He　couldn't　keep　his　head　up。〃

Yet　she　had　no　answer。

〃You　will　understand；　sir；　why　he　is　absent；〃　she　said；
turning　to　Mr。　Harby。

〃Oh；　yes；〃　he　said；　rough　and　off…hand。　Ursula　detested　him
for　his　male　triumph。　And　she　loathed　the　woman。　She　loathed
everything。

〃You　will　try　to　have　it　remembered；　sir；　that　he　has　a　weak
heart。　He　is　so　sick　after　these　things。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　the　headmaster；　〃I'll　see　about　it。〃

〃I　know　he　is　troublesome；〃　the　woman　only　addressed　herself
to　the　male　now……〃but　if　you　could　have　him　punished
without　beating……he　is　really　delicate。〃

Ursula　was　beginning　to　feel　upset。　Harby　stood　in　rather
superb　mastery；　the　woman　cringing　to　him　to　tickle　him　as　one
tickles　trout。

〃I　had　e　to　explain　why　he　was　away　this　morning；　sir。　You
will　understand。〃

She　held　out　her　hand。　Harby　took　it　and　let　it　go；　surprised
and　angry。

〃Good　morning；〃　she　said；　and　she　gave　her　gloved；　seedy　hand
to　Ursula。　She　was　not　ill…looking；　and　had　a　curious
insinuating　way；　very　distasteful　yet　effective。

〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Harby；　and　thank　you。〃

The　figure　in　the　grey　costume　and　the　purple　hat　was　going
across　the　school　yard　with　a　curious　lingering　walk。　Ursula
felt　a　strange　pity　for　her；　and　revulsion　from　her。　She
shuddered。　She　went　into　the　school　again。

The　next　morning　Williams　turned　up；　looking　paler　than　ever；
very　neat　and　nicely　dressed　in　his　sailor　blouse。　He　glanced　at
Ursula　with　a　half…smile：　cunning；　subdued；　ready　to　do　as　she
told　him。　There　was　something　about　him　that　made　her　shiver。
She　loathed　the　idea　of　having　laid　hands　on　him。　His　elder
brother　was　standing　outside　the　gate　at　playtime；　a　youth　of
about　fifteen；　tall　and　thin　and　pale。　He　raised　his　hat；　almost
like　a　gentleman。　But　there　was　something　subdued；　insidious
about　him　too。

〃Who　is　it？〃　said　Ursula。

〃It's　the　big　Williams；〃　said　Violet　Harby　roughly。
〃She　was　here　yesterday；　wasn't　she？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃It's　no　good　her　ing……her　character's　not　good
enough　for　her　to　make　any　trouble。〃

Ursula　shrank　from　the　brutality　and　the　scandal。　But　it　had
some　vague；　horrid　fascination。　How　sordid　everything　seemed！
She　felt　sorry　for　the　queer　woman　with　the　lingering　walk；　and
those　queer；　insidious　boys。　The　Williams　in　her　class　was　wrong
somewhere。　How　nasty　it　was　altogether。

So　the　battle　went　on　till　her　heart　was　sick。　She　had
several　more　boys　to　subjugate　before　she　could　establish
herself。　And　Mr。　Harby　hated　her　almost　as　if　she　were　a　man。
She　knew　now　that　nothing　but　a　thrashing　would　settle　some　of
the　big　louts　who　wanted　to　play　cat　and　mouse　with　her。　Mr。
Harby　would　not　give　them　the　thrashing　if　he　could　help　it。　For
he　hated　the　teacher；　the　stuck…up；　insolent　high…school　miss
with　her　independence。

〃Now；　Wright；　what　have　you　done　this　time？〃　he　would　say
genially　to　the　boy　who　was　sent　to　him　from　Standard　Five　for
punishment。　And　he　left　the　lad　standing；　lounging；　wasting　his
time。

So　that　Ursula　would　appeal　no　more　to　the　headmaster；　but；
when　she　was　driven　wild；　she　seized　her　cane；　and　slashed　the
boy　who　was　insolent　to　her；　over　head　and　ears　and　hands。　And
at　length　they　were　afraid　of　her；　she　had　them　in　order。

But　she　had　paid　a　great　price　out　of　her　own　soul；　to　do
this。　It　seemed　as　if　a　great　flame　had　gone　through　her　and
burnt　her　sensitive　tissue。　She　who　shrank　from　the　thought　of
physical　suffering　in　any　form；　had　been　forced　to　fight　and
beat　with　a　cane　and　rouse　all　her　instincts　to　hurt。　And
afterwards　she　had　been　forced　to　endure　the　sound　of　their
blubbering　and　desolation；　when　she　had　broken　them　to
order。

Oh；　and　sometimes　she　felt　as　if　she　would　go　mad。　What　did
it　matter；　what　did　it　matter　if　their　books　were　dirty　and　they
did　not　obey？　She　would　rather；　in　reality；　that　they　disobeyed
the　whole　rules　of　the　school；　than　that　they　should　be　beaten；
broken；　reduced　to　this　crying；　hopeless　state。　She　would　rather
bear　all　their　insults　and　insolences　a　thousand　times　than
reduce　herself　and　them　to　this。　Bitterly　she　repented　having
got　beside　herself；　and　having　tackled　the　boy　she　had
beaten。

Yet　it　had　to　be　so。　She　did　not　want　to　do　it。　Yet　she　had
to。　Oh；　why；　why　had　she　leagued　herself　to　this　evil　system
where　she　must　brutalize　herself　to　live？　Why　had　she　bee　a
school…teacher；　why；　why？

The　children　had　forced　her　to　the　beatings。　No；　she　did　not
pity　them。　She　had　e　to　them　full　of　kindness　and　love；　and
they　would　have　torn　her　to　pieces。　They　chose　Mr。　Harby。　Well
then；　they　must　know　her　as　well　as　Mr。　Harby；　they　must　first
be　subjugate　to　her。　For　she　was　not　going　to　be　made　nought；
no；　neither　by　them；　nor　by　Mr。　Harby；　nor　by　all　the　system
around　her。　She　was　not　going　to　be　put　down；　prevented　from
standing　free。　It　was　not　to　be　said　of　her；　she　could　not　take
her　place　and　carry　out　her　task。　She　would　fight　and　hold　her
place　in　this　state　also；　in　the　world　of　work　and　man's
convention。

She　was　isolated　now　from　the　life　of　her　chi