The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第61部分

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struck　back　into　its　old；　accustomed；　mild　reality。　Gradually
she　realized　that　the　night　was　mon　and　ordinary；　that　the
great；　blistering；　transcendent　night　did　not　really　exist。　She
was　overe　with　slow　horror。　Where　was　she？　What　was　this
nothingness　she　felt？　The　nothingness　was　Skrebensky。　Was　he
really　there？……who　was　he？　He　was　silent；　he　was　not　there。
What　had　happened？　Had　she　been　mad：　what　horrible　thing　had
possessed　her？　She　was　filled　with　overpowering　fear　of　herself；
overpowering　desire　that　it　should　not　be；　that　other　burning；
corrosive　self。　She　was　seized　with　a　frenzied　desire　that　what
had　been　should　never　be　remembered；　never　be　thought　of；　never
be　for　one　moment　allowed　possible。　She　denied　it　with　all　her
might。　With　all　her　might　she　turned　away　from　it。　She　was　good；
she　was　loving。　Her　heart　was　warm；　her　blood　was　dark　and　warm
and　soft。　She　laid　her　hand　caressively　on　Anton's　shoulder。

〃Isn't　it　lovely？〃　she　said；　softly；　coaxingly；　caressingly。
And　she　began　to　caress　him　to　life　again。　For　he　was　dead。　And
she　intended　that　he　should　never　know；　never　bee　aware　of
what　had　been。　She　would　bring　him　back　from　the　dead　without
leaving　him　one　trace　of　fact　to　remember　his　annihilation
by。

She　exerted　all　her　ordinary；　warm　self；　she　touched　him；　she
did　him　homage　of　loving　awareness。　And　gradually　he　came　back
to　her；　another　man。　She　was　soft　and　winning　and　caressing。　She
was　his　servant；　his　adoring　slave。　And　she　restored　the　whole
shell　of　him。　She　restored　the　whole　form　and　figure　of　him。　But
the　core　was　gone。　His　pride　was　bolstered　up；　his　blood　ran
once　more　in　pride。　But　there　was　no　core　to　him：　as　a　distinct
male　he　had　no　core。　His　triumphant；　flaming；　overweening　heart
of　the　intrinsic　male　would　never　beat　again。　He　would　be
subject　now；　reciprocal；　never　the　indomitable　thing　with　a　core
of　overweening；　unabateable　fire。　She　had　abated　that　fire；　she
had　broken　him。

But　she　caressed　him。　She　would　not　have　him　remember　what
had　been。　She　would　not　remember　herself。

〃Kiss　me；　Anton；　kiss　me；〃　she　pleaded。

He　kissed　her；　but　she　knew　he　could　not　touch　her。　His　arms
were　round　her；　but　they　had　not　got　her。　She　could　feel　his
mouth　upon　her；　but　she　was　not　at　all　pelled　by　it。

〃Kiss　me；〃　she　whispered；　in　acute　distress；　〃kiss　me。〃

And　he　kissed　her　as　she　bade　him；　but　his　heart　was　hollow。
She　took　his　kisses；　outwardly。　But　her　soul　was　empty　and
finished。

Looking　away；　she　saw　the　delicate　glint　of　oats　dangling
from　the　side　of　the　stack；　in　the　moonlight；　something　proud
and　royal；　and　quite　impersonal。　She　had　been　proud　with　them；
where　they　were；　she　had　been　also。　But　in　this　temporary　warm
world　of　the　monplace；　she　was　a　kind；　good　girl。　She　reached
out　yearningly　for　goodness　and　affection。　She　wanted　to　be　kind
and　good。

They　went　home　through　the　night　that　was　all　pale　and
glowing　around；　with　shadows　and　glimmerings　and　presences。
Distinctly；　she　saw　the　flowers　in　the　hedge…bottoms；　she　saw
the　thin；　raked　sheaves　flung　white　upon　the　thorny　hedge。

How　beautiful；　how　beautiful　it　was！　She　thought　with　anguish
how　wildly　happy　she　was　to…night；　since　he　had　kissed　her。　But
as　he　walked　with　his　arm　round　her　waist；　she　turned　with　a
great　offering　of　herself　to　the　night　that　glistened
tremendous；　a　magnificent　godly　moon　white　and　candid　as　a
bridegroom；　flowers　silvery　and　transformed　filling　up　the
shadows。

He　kissed　her　again；　under　the　yew　trees　at　home；　and　she
left　him。　She　ran　from　the　intrusion　of　her　parents　at　home；　to
her　bedroom；　where；　looking　out　on　the　moonlit　country；　she
stretched　up　her　arms；　hard；　hard；　in　bliss；　agony　offering
herself　to　the　blond；　debonair　presence　of　the　night。

But　there　was　a　wound　of　sorrow；　she　had　hurt　herself；　as　if
she　had　bruised　herself；　in　annihilating　him。　She　covered　up　her
two　young　breasts　with　her　hands；　covering　them　to　herself；　and
covering　herself　with　herself；　she　crouched　in　bed；　to
sleep。

In　the　morning　the　sun　shone；　she　got　up　strong　and　dancing。
Skrebensky　was　still　at　the　Marsh。　He　was　ing　to　church。　How
lovely；　how　amazing　life　was！　On　the　fresh　Sunday　morning　she
went　out　to　the　garden；　among　the　yellows　and　the　deep…vibrating
reds　of　autumn；　she　smelled　the　earth　and　felt　the　gossamer；　the
cornfields　across　the　country　were　pale　and　unreal；　everywhere
was　the　intense　silence　of　the　Sunday　morning；　filled　with
unacquainted　noises。　She　smelled　the　body　of　the　earth；　it
seemed　to　stir　its　powerful　flank　beneath　her　as　she　stood。　In
the　bluish　air　came　the　powerful　exudation；　the　peace　was　the
peace　of　strong；　exhausted　breathing；　the　reds　and　yellows　and
the　white　gleam　of　stubble　otion　of　the
last　subsiding　transports　and　clear　bliss　of　fulfilment。

The　church…bells　were　ringing　when　he　came。　She　looked　up　in
keen　anticipation　at　his　entry。　But　he　was　troubled　and　his
pride　was　hurt。　He　seemed　very　much　clothed；　she　was　conscious
of　his　tailored　suit。

〃Wasn't　it　lovely　last　night？〃　she　whispered　to　him。

〃Yes；〃　he　said。　But　his　face　did　not　open　nor　bee
free。

The　service　and　the　singing　in　church　that　morning　passed
unnoticed　by　her。　She　saw　the　coloured　glow　of　the　windows；　the
forms　of　the　worshippers。　Only　she　glanced　at　the　book　of
Genesis；　which　was　her　favourite　book　in　the　Bible。

〃And　God　blessed　Noah　and　his　sons；　and　said　unto　them；　Be
fruitful　and　multiply　and　replenish　the　earth。

〃And　the　fear　of　you　and　the　dread　of　you　shall　be　upon　every
beast　of　the　earth；　and　upon　every　fowl　of　the　air；　upon　all
that　moveth　upon　the　earth；　and　upon　all　the　fishes　in　the　sea；
into　your　hand　are　they　delivered。

〃Every　moving　thing　that　liveth　shall　be　meat　for　you；　even
as　the　green　herb　have　I　given　you　all　things。〃

But　Ursula　was　not　moved　by　the　history　this　morning。
Multiplying　and　replenishing　the　earth　bored　her。　Altogether　it
seemed　merely　a　vulgar　and　stock…raising　sort　of　business。　She
an's　stock…breeding　lordship　over　beast
and　fishes。

〃And　you；　be　ye　fruitful　and　multiply；　bring　forth　abundantly
in　the　earth；　and　multiply　therein。〃

In　her　soul　she　mocked　at　this　multiplication；　every　cow
being　two　cows；　every　turnip　ten　turnips。

〃And　God　said；　This　is　the　token　of　the　covenant　which　I　make
between　me　and　you　and　every　living　creature　that　is　with　you；
for　perpetual　generations；

〃I　do　set　my　bow　in　the　cloud；　and　it　shall　be　a　token　of　a
covenant　between　me　and　the　earth。

〃And　it　shall　e　to　pass；　when　I　bring　a　cloud　over　the
earth；　that　a　bow　shall　be　seen　in　the　cloud；

〃And　I　will　remember　my　covenant；　which　is　between　me　and　you
and　every　living　creature　of　all　flesh；　and　the　waters　shall　no
more　bee　a　flood　to　destroy　all　flesh。〃

〃Destroy　all　flesh；〃　why　〃flesh〃　in　particular？　Who　was　this
lord　of　flesh？　After　all；　how　big　was　the　Flood？　Perhaps　a　few
dryads　and　fauns　had　just　run　into　the　hills　and　the　farther
valleys　and　woods；　frightened；　but　most　had　gone　on　blithely
unaware　of　any　flood　at　all；　unless　the　nymphs　should　tell　them。
It　pleased　Ursula　to　think　of　the　naiads　in　Asia　Minor　meeting
the　nereids　at　the　mouth　of　the　streams；　where　the　sea　washed
against　the　fresh；　sweet　tide；　and　calling　to　their　sisters　the
news　of　Noah's　Flood。　They　would　tell　amusing　accounts　of　Noah
in　his　ark。　Some　nymphs　would　relate　how　they　had　hung　on　the
side　of　the　ark；　peeped　in；　and　heard　Noah　and　Shem　and　Ham　and
Japeth；　sitting　in　their　place　under　the　rain；　saying；　how　they
four　were　the　only　men　on　earth　now；　because　the　Lord　had
drowned　all　the　rest；　so　that　they　four　would　have　everything　to
themselves；　and　be　masters　of　every　thing；　sub…tenants　under　the
great　Proprietor。

Ursula　wished　she　had　been　a　nymph。　She　would　have　laughed
through　the　window　of　the　ark；　and　flicked　drops　of　the　flood　at
Noah；　before　she　drifted　away　to　people　who　were　less　important
in　their　Proprietor　and　their　Flood。

What　was　God；　after　all？　If　maggots　in　a　dead　dog　be　but　God
kissing　carrion；　what　then　is　not　God？　She　was　surfeited　of　this
God。　She　was　weary　of　the　Ursula　Brangwen　who　felt　troubled
about　God。　What　ever　God　was；　He　was；　and　there　was　no　need　for
her　to　trouble　about　Him。　She　felt　she　had　now　all　licence。

Skrebensky　sat　beside　her；　listening　to　the　sermon；　to　the
voice　of　law　and　order。　〃The　very　hairs　of　your　head　are　all
numbered。〃　He　did　not　believe　it。　He　believed　his　own　things
were　quite　at　his　own　disposal。　You　could　do　as　you　liked　with
your　own　things；　so　long　as　you　left　other　people's　alone。

Ursula　caressed　him　and　made　love　to　him。　Nevertheless　he
knew　she　wanted　to　react　upon　him　and　to　destroy　his　being。　She
was　not　with　him；　she　was　against　him。　But　her　making　love　to
him；　her　plete　admiration　of　him；　in　open　life；　gratified
him。

She　caught　him　out　of　himself；　and　they　were　lovers；　in　a
young；　romantic；　almost　fantastic　way。　He　gave　her　a　little
ring。　They　put　it　in　Rhine　wine；　in　their　glass；　and　she　drank；
then　he　drank。　They　drank　till　the　ring　lay　exposed　at　the
bottom　of　the　glass。　Then　she　took　the　simple　jewel；　and　tied　it
on　a　thread　round　her　neck；　where　she　wore　it。

He　asked　her　for　a　photograph　when　he　was　going　away。　She
went　in　great　excitement　to　the　photographer；　with　five
shillings。　The　result　was　an　ugly　little　picture　of　herself　with
her　mouth　on　one　side。　She　wondered　over　it　and　admired　it。

He　saw　only　the　live　face　of　the　girl。　The　picture　hurt　him。
He　kept　it；　he　always　remembered　it；　but　he　could　scarcely　bear
to　see　it。　There　was　a　hurt　to　his　soul　in　the　clear；　fearless
face　that　was　touched　with　abstraction。　Its　abstraction　was
certainly　away　from　him。

Then　war　was　declared　with　the　Boers　in　South　Africa；　and
everywhere　was　a　fizz　of　excitement。　He　wrote　that　he　might　have
to　go。　And　he　sent　her　a　box　of　sweets。

She　was　slightly　dazed　at　the　thought　of　his　going　to　the
war；　not　knowing　how　to　feel。　It　was　a　sort　of　romantic
situation　that　she　knew　so　well　in　fiction　she　hardly　understood
it　in　fact。　Underneath　a　top　elation　was　a　sort　of　dreariness；
deep；　ashy　disappointment。

However；　she　secreted　the　sweets　under　her　bed；　and　ate　them
all　herself；　when　she　went　to　bed；　and　when　she　woke　in　the
morning。　All　the　time　she　felt　very　guilty　and　ashamed；　but　she
simply　did　not　want　to　share　them。

That　box　of　sweets　remained　stuck　in　her　mind　afterwards。　Why
had　she　secreted　them　and　eaten　them　every　one？　Why？　She　did　not
feel　guilty……she　only　knew　she　ought　to　feel　guilty。　And
she　could　not　make　up　her　mind。　Curiously　monumental　that　box　of
sweets　stood　up；　now　it　was　empty。　It　was　a　crux　for　her。　What
was　she　to　think　of　it？

The　idea　of　war　altogether　made　her　feel　uneasy；　uneasy。　When
men　began　organized　fighting　with　each　other　it　seemed　to　her　as
if　the　poles　of　the　universe　were　cracking；　and　the　whole　might
go　tumbling　into　the　bottomless　pit。　A　horrible　bottomless
feeling　she　had。　Yet　of　course　there　was　the　minted
superscription　of　romance　and　honour　and　even　religion　about
war。　She　was　very　confused。

Skrebensky　was　busy；　he　could　not　e　to　see　her。　She　asked
for　no　assurance；　no　security。　What　was　b