The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第49部分

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He　died　and　went　his　way；　but　not　before　there　was　another
child。　And　this　little　Ursula　was　his　grandchild。　She　was　glad
of　it。　For　she　still　honoured　him；　though　he　had　been
mistaken。

She；　Lydia　Brangwen；　was　sorry　for　him　now。　He　was
dead……he　had　scarcely　lived。　He　had　never　known　her。　He　had
lain　with　her；　but　he　had　never　known　her。　He　had　never　received
what　she　could　give　him。　He　had　gone　away　from　her　empty。　So；　he
had　never　lived。　So；　he　had　died　and　passed　away。　Yet　there　had
been　strength　and　power　in　him。

She　could　scarcely　forgive　him　that　he　had　never　lived。　If　it
were　not　for　Anna；　and　for　this　little　Ursula；　who　had　his
brows；　there　would　be　no　more　left　of　him　than　of　a　broken
vessel　thrown　away；　and　just　remembered。

Tom　Brangwen　had　served　her。　He　had　e　to　her；　and　taken
from　her。　He　had　died　and　gone　his　way　into　death。　But　he　had
made　himself　immortal　in　his　knowledge　with　her。　So　she　had　her
place　here；　in　life；　and　in　immortality。　For　he　had　taken　his
knowledge　of　her　into　death；　so　that　she　had　her　place　in　death。
〃In　my　father's　house　are　many　mansions。〃

She　loved　both　her　husbands。　To　one　she　had　been　a　naked
little　girl…bride；　running　to　serve　him。　The　other　she　loved　out
of　fulfilment；　because　he　was　good　and　had　given　her　being；
because　he　had　served　her　honourably；　and　bee　her　man；　one
with　her。

She　was　established　in　this　stretch　of　life；　she　had　e　to
herself。　During　her　first　marriage；　she　had　not　existed；　except
through　him；　he　was　the　substance　and　she　the　shadow　running　at
his　feet。　She　was　very　glad　she　had　e　to　her　own　self。　She
was　grateful　to　Brangwen。　She　reached　out　to　him　in　gratitude；
into　death。

In　her　heart　she　felt　a　vague　tenderness　and　pity　for　her
first　husband；　who　had　been　her　lord。　He　was　so　wrong　when　he
died。　She　could　not　bear　it；　that　he　had　never　lived；　never
really　bee　himself。　And　he　had　been　her　lord！　Strange；　it　all
had　been！　Why　had　he　been　her　lord？　He　seemed　now　so　far　off；　so
without　bearing　on　her。

〃Which　did　you；　grandmother？〃

〃What？〃

〃Like　best。〃

〃I　liked　them　both。　I　married　the　first　when　I　was　quite　a
girl。　Then　I　loved　your　grandfather　when　I　was　a　woman。　There　is
a　difference。〃

They　were　silent　for　a　time。

〃Did　you　cry　when　my　first　grandfather　died？〃　the　child
asked。

Lydia　Brangwen　rocked　herself　on　the　bed；　thinking　aloud。

〃When　we　came　to　England；　he　hardly　ever　spoke；　he　was　too
much　concerned　to　take　any　notice　of　anybody。　He　grew　thinner
and　thinner；　till　his　cheeks　were　hollow　and　his　mouth　stuck
out。　He　wasn't　handsome　any　more。　I　knew　he　couldn't　bear　being
beaten；　I　thought　everything　was　lost　in　the　world。　Only　I　had
your　mother　a　baby；　it　was　no　use　my　dying。

〃He　looked　at　me　with　his　black　eyes；　almost　as　if　he　hated
me；　when　he　was　ill；　and　said；　'It　only　wanted　this。　It　only
wanted　that　I　should　leave　you　and　a　young　child　to　starve　in
this　London。'　I　told　him　we　should　not　starve。　But　I　was　young；
and　foolish；　and　frightened；　which　he　knew。

〃He　was　bitter；　and　he　never　gave　way。　He　lay　beating　his
brains；　to　see　what　he　could　do。　'I　don't　know　what　you　will
do；'　he　said。　'I　am　no　good；　I　am　a　failure　from　beginning　to
end。　I　cannot　even　provide　for　my　wife　and　child！'

〃But　you　see；　it　was　not　for　him　to　provide　for　us。　My　life
went　on；　though　his　stopped；　and　I　married　your　grandfather。

〃I　ought　to　have　known；　I　ought　to　have　been　able　to　say　to
him：　'Don't　be　so　bitter；　don't　die　because　this　has　failed。　You
are　not　the　beginning　and　the　end。'　But　I　was　too　young；　he　had
never　let　me　bee　myself；　I　thought　he　was　truly　the　beginning
and　the　end。　So　I　let　him　take　all　upon　himself。　Yet　all　did　not
depend　on　him。　Life　must　go　on；　and　I　must　marry　your
grandfather；　and　have　your　Uncle　Tom；　and　your　Uncle　Fred。　We
cannot　take　so　much　upon　ourselves。〃

The　child's　heart　beat　fast　as　she　listened　to　these　things。
She　could　not　understand；　but　she　seemed　to　feel　far…off　things。
It　gave　her　a　deep；　joyous　thrill；　to　know　she　hailed　from　far
off；　from　Poland；　and　that　dark…bearded　impressive　man。　Strange；
her　antecedents　were；　and　she　felt　fate　on　either　side　of　her
terrible。

Almost　every　day；　Ursula　saw　her　grandmother；　and　every　time；
they　talked　together。　Till　the　grandmother's　sayings　and
stories；　told　in　the　plete　hush　of　the　Marsh　bedroom；
accumulated　with　mystic　significance；　and　became　a　sort　of　Bible
to　the　child。

And　Ursula　asked　her　deepest　childish　questions　of　her
grandmother。

〃Will　somebody　love　me；　grandmother？〃

〃Many　people　love　you；　child。　We　all　love　you。〃

〃But　when　I　am　grown　up；　will　somebody　love　me？〃

〃Yes；　some　man　will　love　you；　child；　because　it's　your
nature。　And　I　hope　it　will　be　somebody　who　will　love　you　for
what　you　are；　and　not　for　what　he　wants　of　you。　But　we　have　a
right　to　what　we　want。〃

Ursula　was　frightened；　hearing　these　things。　Her　heart　sank；
she　felt　she　had　no　ground　under　her　feet。　She　clung　to　her
grandmother。　Here　was　peace　and　security。　Here；　from　her
grandmother's　peaceful　room；　the　door　opened　on　to　the　greater
space；　the　past；　which　was　so　big；　that　all　it　contained　seemed
tiny；　loves　and　births　and　deaths；　tiny　units　and　features
within　a　vast　horizon。　That　was　a　great　relief；　to　know　the　tiny
importance　of　the　individual；　within　the　great　past。



CHAPTER　X

THE　WIDENING　CIRCLE

It　was　very　burdensome　to　Ursula；　that　she　was　the　eldest　of
the　family。　By　the　time　she　was　eleven；　she　had　to　take　to
school　Gudrun　and　Theresa　and　Catherine。　The　boy；　William；
always　called　Billy；　so　that　he　should　not　be　confused　with　his
father；　was　a　lovable；　rather　delicate　child　of　three；　so　he
stayed　at　home　as　yet。　There　was　another　baby　girl；　called
Cassandra。

The　children　went　for　a　time　to　the　little　church　school　just
near　the　Marsh。　It　was　the　only　place　within　reach；　and　being　so
small；　Mrs。　Brangwen　felt　safe　in　sending　her　children　there；
though　the　village　boys　did　nickname　Ursula　〃Urtler〃；　and　Gudrun
〃Good…runner〃；　and　Theresa　〃Tea…pot〃。

Gudrun　and　Ursula　were　co…mates。　The　second　child；　with　her
long；　sleepy　body　and　her　endless　chain　of　fancies；　would　have
nothing　to　do　with　realities。　She　was　not　for　them；　she　was　for
her　own　fancies。　Ursula　was　the　one　for　realities。　So　Gudrun
left　all　such　to　her　elder　sister；　and　trusted　in　her
implicitly；　indifferently。　Ursula　had　a　great　tenderness　for　her
co…mate　sister。

It　was　no　good　trying　to　make　Gudrun　responsible。　She　floated
along　like　a　fish　in　the　sea；　perfect　within　the　medium　of　her
own　difference　and　being。　Other　existence　did　not　trouble　her。
Only　she　believed　in　Ursula；　and　trusted　to　Ursula。

The　eldest　child　was　very　much　fretted　by　her　responsibility
for　the　other　young　ones。　Especially　Theresa；　a　sturdy；
bold…eyed　thing；　had　a　faculty　for　warfare。

〃Our　Ursula；　Billy　Pillins　has　lugged　my　hair。〃

〃What　did　you　say　to　him？〃

〃I　said　nothing。〃

Then　the　Brangwen　girls　were　in　for　a　feud　with　the
Pillinses；　or　Phillipses。

〃You　won't　pull　my　hair　again；　Billy　Pillins；〃　said　Theresa；
walking　with　her　sisters；　and　looking　superbly　at　the　freckled；
red…haired　boy。

〃Why　shan't　I？〃　retorted　Billy　Pillins。

〃You　won't　because　you　dursn't；〃　said　the　tiresome
Theresa。

〃You　e　here；　then；　Tea…pot；　an'　see　if　I　dursna。〃

Up　marched　Tea…pot；　and　immediately　Billy　Pillins　lugged　her
black；　snaky　locks。　In　a　rage　she　flew　at　him。　Immediately　in
rushed　Ursula　and　Gudrun；　and　little　Katie；　in　clashed　the　other
Phillipses；　Clem　and　Walter；　and　Eddie　Anthony。　Then　there　was　a
fray。　The　Brangwen　girls　were　well…grown　and　stronger　than　many
boys。　But　for　pinafores　and　long　hair；　they　would　have　carried
easy　victories。　They　went　home；　however；　with　hair　lugged　and
pinafores　torn。　It　was　a　joy　to　the　Phillips　boys　to　rip　the
pinafores　of　the　Brangwen　girls。

Then　there　was　an　outcry。　Mrs。　Brangwen　would　not　have
it；　no；　she　would　not。　All　her　innate　dignity　and
standoffishness　rose　up。　Then　there　was　the　vicar　lecturing　the
school。　〃It　was　a　sad　thing　that　the　boys　of　Cossethay　could　not
behave　more　like　gentlemen　to　the　girls　of　Cossethay。　Indeed；
what　kind　of　boy　was　it　that　should　set　upon　a　girl；　and　kick
her；　and　beat　her；　and　tear　her　pinafore？　That　boy　deserved
severe　castigation；　and　the　name　of　coward；　for　no　boy
who　was　not　a　coward……etc。；　etc。〃

Meanwhile　much　hang…dog　fury　in　the　Pillinses'　hearts；　much
virtue　in　the　Brangwen　girls'；　particularly　in　Theresa's。　And
the　feud　continued；　with　periods　of　extraordinary　amity；　when
Ursula　was　Clem　Phillips's　sweetheart；　and　Gudrun　was　Walter's；
and　Theresa　was　Billy's；　and　even　the　tiny　Katie　had　to　be　Eddie
Ant'ny's　sweetheart。　There　was　the　closest　union。　At　every
possible　moment　the　little　gang　of　Brangwens　and　Phillipses　flew
together。　Yet　neither　Ursula　nor　Gudrun　would　have　any　real
intimacy　with　the　Phillips　boys。　It　was　a　sort　of　fiction　to
them；　this　alliance　and　this　dubbing　of　sweethearts。

Again　Mrs。　Brangwen　rose　up。

〃Ursula；　I　will　not　have　you　raking　the　roads　with
lads；　so　I　tell　you。　Now　stop　it；　and　the　rest　will　stop
it。〃

How　Ursula　hated　always　to　represent　the　little
Brangwen　club。　She　could　never　be　herself；　no；　she　was　always
Ursula…Gudrun…Theresa…Catherine……and　later　even　Billy　was
added　on　to　her。　Moreover；　she　did　not　want　the　Phillipses
either。　She　was　out　of　taste　with　them。

However；　the　Brangwen…Pillins　coalition　readily　broke　down；
owing　to　the　unfair　superiority　of　the　Brangwens。　The　Brangwens
were　rich。　They　had　free　access　to　the　Marsh　Farm。　The　school
teachers　were　almost　respectful　to　the　girls；　the　vicar　spoke　to
them　on　equal　terms。　The　Brangwen　girls　presumed；　they　tossed
their　heads。

〃You're　not　ivrybody；　Urtler　Brangwin；　ugly…mug；〃　said
Clem　Phillips；　his　face　going　very　red。

〃I'm　better　than　you；　for　all　that；〃　retorted　Urtler。

〃You　think　you　are……wi'　a　face　like
that……Ugly　Mug；……Urtler　Brangwin；〃　he　began　to　jeer；
trying　to　set　all　the　others　in　cry　against　her。　Then　there　was
hostility　again。　How　she　hated　their　jeering。　She　became
cold　against　the　Phillipses。　Ursula　was　very　proud　in　her
family。　The　Brangwen　girls　had　all　a　curious　blind　dignity；　even
a　kind　of　nobility　in　their　bearing。　By　some　result　of　breed　and
upbringing；　they　seemed　to　rush　along　their　own　lives　without
caring　that　they　existed　to　other　people。　Never　from　the　start
did　it　occur　to　Ursula　that　other　people　might　hold　a　low
opinion　of　her。　She　thought　that　whosoever　knew　her；　knew　she
was　enough　and　accepted　her　as　such。　She　thought　it　was　a　world
of　people　like　herself。　She　suffered　bitterly　if　she　were　forced
to　have　a　low　opinion　of　any　person；　and　she　never　forgave　that
person。

This　was　maddening　to　many　little　people。　All　their　lives；
the　Brangwens　were　meeting　folk　who　tried　to　pull　them　down　to
make　them　seem　little。　Curiously；　the　mother　was　aware　of　what
would　happen；　and　was　always　ready　to　give　her　children　the
advantage　of　the　move。

When　Ursula　was　twelve；　and　the　mon　school　and　the
panionship　of　the　village　children；　niggardly　and　begrudging；
was　beginning　to　affect　her；　Anna　sent　her　with　Gudrun　to　the
Grammar