The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第44部分

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kissed　her；　and　again　began　to　e　nearer；　nearer。　He　gathered
himself　together。　Even　if　he　did　not　take　her；　he　would　make　her
relax；　he　would　fuse　away　her　resistance。　So　softly；　softly；
with　infinite　caressiveness　he　kissed　her；　and　the　whole　of　his
being　seemed　to　fondle　her。　Till；　at　the　verge；　swooning　at　the
breaking　point；　there　came　from　her　a　beaten；　inarticulate；
moaning　cry：

〃Don't……oh；　don't！〃

His　veins　fused　with　extreme　voluptuousness。　For　a　moment　he
almost　lost　control　of　himself；　and　continued　automatically。　But
there　was　a　moment　of　inaction；　of　cold　suspension。　He　was　not
going　to　take　her。　He　drew　her　to　him　and　soothed　her；　and
caressed　her。　But　the　pure　zest　had　gone。　She　struggled　to
herself　and　realized　he　was　not　going　to　take　her。　And　then；　at
the　very　last　moment；　when　his　fondling　had　e　near　again；　his
hot　living　desire　despising　her；　against　his　cold　sensual
desire；　she　broke　violently　away　from　him。

〃Don't；〃　she　cried；　harsh　now　with　hatred；　and　she　flung　her
hand　across　and　hit　him　violently。　〃Keep　off　of　me。〃

His　blood　stood　still　for　a　moment。　Then　the　smile　came　again
within　him；　steady；　cruel。

〃Why；　what's　the　matter？〃　he　said；　with　suave　irony。
〃Nobody's　going　to　hurt　you。〃

〃I　know　what　you　want；〃　she　said。

〃I　know　what　I　want；〃　he　said。　〃What's　the　odds？〃

〃Well；　you're　not　going　to　have　it　off　me。〃

〃Aren't　I？　Well；　then　I'm　not。　It's　no　use　crying　about　it；
is　it？〃

〃No；　it　isn't；〃　said　the　girl；　rather　disconcerted　by　his
irony。

〃But　there's　no　need　to　have　a　row　about　it。　We　can　kiss　good
night　just　the　same；　can't　we？〃

She　was　silent　in　the　darkness。

〃Or　do　you　want　your　hat　and　umbrella　to　go　home　this
minute？〃

Still　she　was　silent。　He　watched　her　dark　figure　as　she　stood
there　on　the　edge　of　the　faint　darkness；　and　he　waited。

〃e　and　say　good　night　nicely；　if　we're　going　to　say　it；〃
he　said。

Still　she　did　not　stir。　He　put　his　hand　out　and　drew　her　into
the　darkness　again。

〃It's　warmer　in　here；〃　he　said；　〃a　lot　cosier。〃

His　will　had　not　yet　relaxed　from　her。　The　moment　of　hatred
exhilarated　him。

〃I'm　going　now；〃　she　muttered；　as　he　closed　his　hand　over
her。

〃See　how　well　you　fit　your　place；〃　he　said；　as　he　drew　her　to
her　previous　position；　close　upon　him。　〃What　do　you　want　to
leave　it　for？〃

And　gradually　the　intoxication　invaded　him　again；　the　zest
came　back。　After　all；　why　should　he　not　take　her？

But　she　did　not　yield　to　him　entirely。

〃Are　you　a　married　man？〃　she　asked　at　length。

〃What　if　I　am？〃　he　said。

She　did　not　answer。

〃I　don't　ask　you　whether　you're　married　or　not；〃　he
said。

〃You　know　jolly　well　I'm　not；〃　she　answered　hotly。　Oh；
if　she　could　only　break　away　from　him；　if　only　she　need　not
yield　to　him。

At　length　her　will　became　cold　against　him。　She　had　escaped。
But　she　hated　him　for　her　escape　more　than　for　her　danger。　Did
he　despise　her　so　coldly？　And　she　was　in　torture　of　adherence　to
him　still。

〃Shall　I　see　you　next　week……next　Saturday？〃　he　said；　as
they　returned　to　the　town。　She　did　not　answer。

〃e　to　the　Empire　with　me……you　and　Gertie；〃　he
said。

〃I　should　look　well；　going　with　a　married　man；〃　she　said。

〃I'm　no　less　of　a　man　for　being　married；　am　I？〃　he　said。

〃Oh；　it's　a　different　matter　altogether　with　a　married　man；〃
she　said；　in　a　ready…made　speech　that　showed　her　chagrin。

〃How's　that？〃　he　asked。

But　she　would　not　enlighten　him。　Yet　she　promised；　without
promising；　to　be　at　the　meeting…place　next　Saturday　evening。

So　he　left　her。　He　did　not　know　her　name。　He　caught　a　train
and　went　home。

It　was　the　last　train；　he　was　very　late。　He　was　not　home　till
midnight。　But　he　was　quite　indifferent。　He　had　no　real　relation
with　his　home；　not　this　man　which　he　now　was。　Anna　was　sitting
up　for　him。　She　saw　the　queer；　absolved　look　on　his　face；　a　sort
of　latent；　almost　sinister　smile；　as　if　he　were　absolved　from
his　〃good〃　ties。

〃Where　have　you　been？〃　she　asked；　puzzled；　interested。

〃To　the　Empire。〃

〃Who　with？〃

〃By　myself。　I　came　home　with　Tom　Cooper。〃

She　looked　at　him；　and　wondered　what　he　had　been　doing　She
was　indifferent　as　to　whether　he　lied　or　not。

〃You　have　e　home　very　strange；〃　she　said。　And　there　was　an
appreciative　inflexion　in　the　speech。

He　was　not　affected。　As　for　his　humble；　good　self；　he　was
absolved　from　it。　He　sat　down　and　ate　heartily。　He　was　not
tired。　He　seemed　to　take　no　notice　of　her。

For　Anna　the　moment　was　critical。　She　kept　herself　aloof；　and
watched　him。　He　talked　to　her；　but　with　a　little　indifference；
since　he　was　scarcely　aware　of　her。　So；　then　she　did　not　affect
him。　Here　was　a　new　turn　of　affairs！　He　was　rather　attractive；
nevertheless。　She　liked　him　better　than　the　ordinary　mute；
half…effaced；　half…subdued　man　she　usually　knew　him　to　be。　So；
he　was　blossoming　out　into　his　real　self！　It　piqued　her。　Very
good；　let　him　blossom！　She　liked　a　new　turn　of　affairs。　He　was　a
strange　man　e　home　to　her。　Glancing　at　him；　she　saw　she　could
not　reduce　him　to　what　he　had　been　before。　In　an　instant　she
gave　it　up。　Yet　not　without　a　pang　of　rage；　which　would　insist
on　their　old；　beloved　love；　their　old；　accustomed　intimacy　and
her　old；　established　supremacy。　She　almost　rose　up　to　fight　for
them。　And　looking　at　him；　and　remembering　his　father；　she　was
wary。　This　was　the　new　turn　of　affairs！

Very　good；　if　she　could　not　influence　him　in　the　old　way；　she
would　be　level　with　him　in　the　new。　Her　old　defiant　hostility
came　up。　Very　good；　she　too　was　out　on　her　own　adventure。　Her
voice；　her　manner　changed；　she　was　ready　for　the　game。　Something
was　liberated　in　her。　She　liked　him。　She　liked　this　strange　man
e　home　to　her。　He　was　very　wele；　indeed！　She　was　very　glad
to　wele　a　stranger。　She　had　been　bored　by　the　old　husband。　To
his　latent；　cruel　smile　she　replied　with　brilliant　challenge。　He
expected　her　to　keep　the　moral　fortress。　Not　she！　It　was　much
too　dull　a　part。　She　challenged　him　back　with　a　sort　of
radiance；　very　bright　and　free；　opposite　to　him。　He　looked　at
her；　and　his　eyes　glinted。　She　too　was　out　in　the　field。

His　senses　pricked　up　and　keenly　attended　to　her。　She
laughed；　perfectly　indifferent　and　loose　as　he　was。　He　came
towards　her。　She　neither　rejected　him　nor　responded　to　him。　In　a
kind　of　radiance；　superb　in　her　inscrutability；　she　laughed
before　him。　She　too　could　throw　everything　overboard；　love；
intimacy；　responsibility。　What　were　her　four　children　to　her
now？　What　did　it　matter　that　this　man　was　the　father　of　her　four
children？

He　was　the　sensual　male　seeking　his　pleasure；　she　was　the
female　ready　to　take　hers：　but　in　her　own　way。　A　man　could　turn
into　a　free　lance：　so　then　could　a　woman。　She　adhered　as　little
as　he　to　the　moral　world。　All　that　had　gone　before　was　nothing
to　her。　She　was　another　woman；　under　the　instance　of　a　strange
man。　He　was　a　stranger　to　her；　seeking　his　own　ends。　Very　good。
She　wanted　to　see　what　this　stranger　would　do　now；　what　he
was。

She　laughed；　and　kept　him　at　arm's　length；　whilst　apparently
ignoring　him。　She　watched　him　undress　as　if　he　were　a　stranger。
Indeed　he　was　a　stranger　to　her。

And　she　roused　him　profoundly；　violently；　even　before　he
touched　her。　The　little　creature　in　Nottingham　had　but　been
leading　up　to　this。　They　abandoned　in　one　motion　the　moral
position；　each　was　seeking　gratification　pure　and　simple。

Strange　his　wife　was　to　him。　It　was　as　if　he　were　a　perfect
stranger；　as　if　she　were　infinitely　and　essentially　strange　to
him；　the　other　half　of　the　world；　the　dark　half　of　the　moon。　She
waited　for　his　touch　as　if　he　were　a　marauder　who　had　e　in；
infinitely　unknown　and　desirable　to　her。　And　he　began　to
discover　her。　He　had　an　inkling　of　the　vastness　of　the　unknown
sensual　store　of　delights　she　was。　With　a　passion　of
voluptuousness　that　made　him　dwell　on　each　tiny　beauty；　in　a
kind　of　frenzy　of　enjoyment；　he　lit　upon　her：　her　beauty；　the
beauties；　the　separate；　several　beauties　of　her　body。

He　self；　and　sensually　transported
by　that　which　he　discovered　in　her。　He　was　another　man　revelling
over　her。　There　was　no　tenderness；　no　love　between　them　any
more；　only　the　maddening；　sensuous　lust　for　discovery　and　the
insatiable；　exorbitant　gratification　in　the　sensual　beauties　of
her　body。　And　she　was　a　store；　a　store　of　absolute　beauties　that
it　drove　him　to　contemplate。　There　was　such　a　feast　to　enjoy；
and　he　with　only　one　man's　capacity。

He　lived　in　a　passion　of　sensual　discovery　with　her　for　some
time……it　was　a　duel：　no　love；　no　words；　no　kisses　even；
only　the　maddening　perception　of　beauty　consummate；　absolute
through　touch。　He　wanted　to　touch　her；　to　discover　her；
maddeningly　he　wanted　to　know　her。　Yet　he　must　not　hurry；　or　he
missed　everything。　He　must　enjoy　one　beauty　at　a　time。　And　the
multitudinous　beauties　of　her　body；　the　many　little　rapturous
places；　sent　him　mad　with　delight；　and　with　desire　to　be　able　to
know　more；　to　have　strength　to　know　more。　For　all　was　there。

He　would　say　during　the　daytime：

〃To…night　I　shall　know　the　little　hollow　under　her　ankle；
where　the　blue　vein　crosses。〃　And　the　thought　of　it；　and　the
desire　for　it；　made　a　thick　darkness　of　anticipation。

He　would　go　all　the　day　waiting　for　the　night　to　e；　when
he　could　give　himself　to　the　enjoyment　of　some　luxurious
absolute　of　beauty　in　her。　The　thought　of　the　hidden　resources
of　her；　the　undiscovered　beauties　and　ecstatic　places　of　delight
in　her　body；　waiting；　only　waiting　for　him　to　discover　them；
sent　him　slightly　insane。　He　was　obsessed。　If　he　did　not
discover　and　make　known　to　himself　these　delights；　they　might　be
lost　for　ever。　He　wished　he　had　a　hundred　men's　energies；　with
which　to　enjoy　her。　＇He　wished　he　were　a　cat；　to　lick　her　with　a
rough；　grating；　lascivious　tongue。　He　wanted　to　wallow　in　her；
bury　himself　in　her　flesh；　cover　himself　over　with　her　flesh。＇

And　she；　separate；　with　a　strange；　dangerous；　glistening　look
in　her　eyes　received　all　his　activities　upon　her　as　if　they　were
expected　by　her；　and　provoked　him　ore；
till　sometimes　he　was　ready　to　perish　for　sheer　inability　to　be
satisfied　of　her；　inability　to　have　had　enough　of　her。

Their　children　became　mere　offspring　to　them；　they　lived　in
the　darkness　and　death　of　their　own　sensual　activities。
Sometimes　he　felt　he　was　going　mad　with　a　sense　of　Absolute
Beauty；　perceived　by　him　in　her　through　his　senses。　It　was
something　too　much　for　him。　And　in　everything；　was　this　same；
almost　sinister；　terrifying　beauty。　But　in　the　revelations　of
her　body　through　contact　with　his　body；　was　the　ultimate　beauty；
to　know　which　was　almost　death　in　itself；　and　yet　for　the
knowledge　of　which　he　would　have　undergone　endless　torture。　He
would　have　forfeited　anything；　anything；　rather　than　forego　his
right　even　to　the　instep　of　her　foot；　and　the　place　from　which
the　toes　radiated　out；　the　little；　miraculous　white　plain　from
which　ran　the　little　hillocks　of　the　toes；　and　the　folded；
dimpling　hollows　between　the　toes。　He　felt　he　would　have　died
rather　than　forfeit　this。

This　was　what　their　love　had　bee；　a　sensuality　violent　and
extreme　as　death。　They　had　no　conscious　intimacy；　no　tenderness
of　love。　It　was　all　t