The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第43部分

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After　a　long　bout　of　hostility；　Anna　at　last　closed　with　him。
She　had　now　four　children；　all　girls。　For　seven　years　she　had
been　absorbed　in　wifehood　and　motherhood。　For　years　he　had　gone
on　beside　her；　never　really　encroaching　upon　her。　Then　gradually
another　self　seemed　to　assert　its　being　within　him。　He　was　still
silent　and　separate。　But　she　could　feel　him　all　the　while　ing
near　upon　her；　as　if　his　breast　and　his　body　were　threatening
her；　and　he　was　always　ing　closer。　Gradually　he　became
indifferent　of　responsibility。　He　would　do　what　pleased　him；　and
no　more。

He　began　to　go　away　from　home。　He　went　to　Nottingham　on
Saturdays；　always　alone；　to　the　football　match　and　to　the
music…hall；　and　all　the　time　he　was　watching；　in　readiness。　He
never　cared　to　drink。　But　with　his　hard；　golden…brown　eyes；　so
keen　seeing　with　their　tiny　black　pupils；　he　watched　all　the
people；　everything　that　happened；　and　he　waited。

In　the　Empire　one　evening　he　sat　next　to　two　girls。　He　was
aware　of　the　one　beside　him。　She　was　rather　small；　mon；　with
a　fresh　plexion　and　an　upper　lip　that　lifted　from　her　teeth；
so　that；　when　she　was　not　conscious；　her　mouth　was　slightly　open
and　her　lips　pressed　outwards　in　a　kind　of　blind　appeal。　She　was
strongly　aware　of　the　man　next　to　her；　so　that　all　her　body　was
still；　very　still。　Her　face　watched　the　stage。　Her　arms　went
down　into　her　lap；　very　self…conscious　and　still。

A　gleam　lit　up　in　him：　should　he　begin　with　her？　Should　he
begin　with　her　to　live　the　other；　the　unadmitted　life　of　his
desire？　Why　not？　He　had　always　been　so　good。　Save　for　his　wife；
he　was　a　virgin。　And　why；　when　all　women　were　different？　Why；
when　he　would　only　live　once？　He　wanted　the　other　life。　His　own
life　was　barren；　not　enough。　He　wanted　the　other。

Her　open　mouth；　showing　the　small；　irregular；　white　teeth；
appealed　to　him。　It　was　open　and　ready。　It　was　so　vulnerable。
Why　should　he　not　go　in　and　enjoy　what　was　there？　The　slim　arm
that　went　down　so　still　and　motionless　to　the　lap；　it　was
pretty。　She　would　be　small；　he　would　be　able　almost　to　hold　her
in　his　two　hands。　She　would　be　small；　almost　like　a　child；　and
pretty。　Her　childishness　whetted　him　keenly。　She　would　he
helpless　between　his　hands。

〃That　was　the　best　turn　we've　had；〃　he　said　to　her；　leaning
over　as　he　clapped　his　hands。　He　felt　strong　and　unshakeable　in
himself；　set　over　against　all　the　world。　His　soul　was　keen　and
watchful；　glittering　with　a　kind　of　amusement。　He　was　perfectly
self…contained。　He　was　himself；　the　absolute；　the　rest　of　the
world　was　the　object　that　should　contribute　to　his　being。

The　girl　started；　turned　round；　her　eyes　lit　up　with　an
almost　painful　flash　of　a　smile；　the　colour　came　deeply　in　her
cheeks。

〃Yes；　it　eaninglessly；　and　she　covered
her　rather　prominent　teeth　with　her　lips。　Then　she　sat　looking
straight　before　her；　seeing　nothing；　only　conscious　of　the
colour　burning　in　her　cheeks。

It　pricked　him　with　a　pleasant　sensation。　His　veins　and　his
nerves　attended　to　her；　she　was　so　young　and　palpitating。

〃It's　not　such　a　good　programme　as　last　week's；〃　he　said。

Again　she　half　turned　her　face　to　him；　and　her　clear；　bright
eyes；　bright　like　shallow　water；　filled　with　light；　frightened；
yet　involuntarily　lighting　and　shaking　with　response。

〃Oh；　isn't　it！　I　wasn't　able　to　e　last　week。〃

He　noted　the　mon　accent。　It　pleased　him。　He　knew　what
class　she　came　of。　Probably　she　was　a　warehouse…lass。　He　was
glad　she　was　a　mon　girl。

He　proceeded　to　tell　her　about　the　last　week's　programme。　She
answered　at　random；　very　confusedly。　The　colour　burned　in　her
cheek。　Yet　she　always　answered　him。　The　girl　on　the　other　side
sat　remotely；　obviously　silent。　He　ignored　her。　All　his　address
was　for　his　own　girl；　with　her　bright；　shallow　eyes　and　her
vulnerably　opened　mouth。

The　talk　went　on；　meaningless　and　random　on　her　part；　quite
deliberate　and　purposive　on　his。　It　was　a　pleasure　to　him　to
make　this　conversation；　an　activity　pleasant　as　a　fine　game　of
chance　and　skill。　He　oured；　but
so　full　of　strength。　She　fluttered　beside　his　steady　pressure　of
warmth　and　his　surety。

He　saw　the　performance　drawing　to　a　close。　His　senses　were
alert　and　wilful。　He　would　press　his　advantages。　He　followed　her
and　her　plain　friend　down　the　stairs　to　the　street。　It　was
raining。

〃It's　a　nasty　night；〃　he　said。　〃Shall　you　e　and　have　a
drink　of　something……a　cup　of　coffee……it's　early
yet。〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　think　so；〃　she　said；　looking　away　into　the
night。

〃I　wish　you　would；〃　he　said；　putting　himself　as　it　were　at
her　mercy。　There　was　a　moment's　pause。

〃e　to　Rollins？〃　he　said。

〃No……not　there。〃

〃To　Carson's；　then？〃

There　was　a　silence。　The　other　girl　hung　on。　The　man　was　the
centre　of　positive　force。

〃Will　your　friend　e　as　well？〃

There　was　another　moment　of　silence；　while　the　other　girl
felt　her　ground。

〃No；　thanks；〃　she　said。　〃I've　promised　to　meet　a　friend。〃

〃Another　time；　then？〃　he　said。

〃Oh；　thanks；〃　she　replied；　very　awkward。

〃Good　night；〃　he　said。

〃See　you　later；〃　said　his　girl　to　her　friend。

〃Where？〃　said　the　friend。

〃You　know；　Gertie；〃　replied　his　girl。

〃All　right；　Jennie。〃

The　friend　was　gone　into　the　darkness。　He　turned　with　his
girl　to　the　tea…shop。　They　talked　all　the　time。　He　made　his
sentences　in　sheer；　almost　muscular　pleasure　of　exercising
himself　with　her。　He　was　looking　at　her　all　the　time；　perceiving
her；　appreciating　her；　finding　her　out；　gratifying　himself　with
her。　He　could　see　distinct　attractions　in　her；　her　eyebrows；
with　their　particular　curve；　gave　him　keen　aesthetic　pleasure。
Later　on　he　would　see　her　bright；　pellucid　eyes；　like　shallow
water；　and　know　those。　And　there　remained　the　open；　exposed
mouth；　red　and　vulnerable。　That　he　reserved　as　yet。　And　all　the
while　his　eyes　were　on　the　girl；　estimating　and　handling　with
pleasure　her　young　softness。　About　the　girl　herself；　who　or　what
she　was；　he　cared　nothing；　he　was　quite　unaware　that　she　was
anybody。　She　was　just　the　sensual　object　of　his　attention。

〃Shall　we　go；　then？〃　he　said。

She　rose　in　silence；　as　if　acting　without　a　mind；　merely
physically。　He　seemed　to　hold　her　in　his　will。　Outside　it　was
still　raining。

〃Let's　have　a　walk；〃　he　said。　〃I　don't　mind　the　rain；　do
you？〃

〃No；　I　don't　mind　it；〃　she　said。

He　was　alert　in　every　sense　and　fibre；　and　yet　quite　sure　and
steady；　and　lit　up；　as　if　transfused。　He　had　a　free　sensation　of
walking　in　his　own　darkness；　not　in　anybody　else's　world　at　all。
He　was　purely　a　world　to　himself；　he　had　nothing　to　do　with　any
general　consciousness。　Just　his　own　senses　were　supreme。　All　the
rest　was　external；　insignificant；　leaving　him　alone　with　this
girl　whom　he　wanted　to　absorb；　whose　properties　he　wanted　to
absorb　into　his　own　senses。　He　did　not　care　about　her；　except
that　he　wanted　to　overe　her　resistance；　to　have　her　in　his
power；　fully　and　exhaustively　to　enjoy　her。

They　turned　into　the　dark　streets。　He　held　her　umbrella　over
her；　and　put　his　arm　round　her。　She　walked　as　if　she　were
unaware。　But　gradually；　as　he　walked；　he　drew　her　a　little
closer；　into　the　movement　of　his　side　and　hip。　She　fitted　in
there　very　well。　It　was　a　real　good　fit；　to　walk　with　her　like
this。　It　made　him　exquisitely　aware　of　his　own　muscular　self。
And　his　hand　that　grasped　her　side　felt　one　curve　of　her；　and　it
seemed　like　a　new　creation　to　him；　a　reality；　an　absolute；　an
existing　tangible　beauty　of　the　absolute。　It　was　like　a　star。
Everything　in　him　was　absorbed　in　the　sensual　delight　of　this
one　small；　firm　curve　in　her　body；　that　his　hand；　and　his　whole
being；　had　lighted　upon。

He　led　her　into　the　Park；　where　it　was　almost　dark。　He
noticed　a　corner　between　two　walls；　under　a　great　overhanging
bush　of　ivy。

〃Let　us　stand　here　a　minute；〃　he　said。

He　put　down　the　umbrella；　and　followed　her　into　the　corner；
retreating　out　of　the　rain。　He　needed　no　eyes　to　see。　All　he
wanted　was　to　know　through　touch。　She　was　like　a　piece　of
palpable　darkness。　He　found　her　in　the　darkness；　put　his　arms
round　her　and　his　hands　upon　her。　She　was　silent　and
inscrutable。　But　he　did　not　want　to　know　anything　about　her；　he
only　wanted　to　discover　her。　And　through　her　clothing；　what
absolute　beauty　he　touched。

〃Take　your　hat　off；〃　he　said。

Silently；　obediently；　she　shook　off　her　hat　and　gave　herself
to　his　arms　again。　He　liked　her……he　liked　the　feel　of
her……he　wanted　to　know　her　more　closely。　He　let　his　fingers
subtly　seek　out　her　cheek　and　neck。　What　amazing　beauty　and
pleasure；　in　the　dark！　His　fingers　had　often　touched　Anna　on　the
face　and　neck　like　that。　What　matter！　It　was　one　man　who　touched
Anna；　another　who　now　touched　this　girl。　He　liked　best　his　new
self。　He　was　given　over　altogether　to　the　sensuous　knowledge　of
this　woman；　and　every　moment　he　seemed　to　be　touching　absolute
beauty；　something　beyond　knowledge。

Very　close；　marvelling　and　exceedingly　joyful　in　their
discoveries；　his　hands　pressed　upon　her；　so　subtly；　so
seekingly；　so　finely　and　desirously　searching　her　out；　that　she
too　was　almost　swooning　in　the　absolute　of　sensual　knowledge。　In
utter　sensual　delight　she　clenched　her　knees；　her　thighs；　her
loins　together！　It　was　an　added　beauty　to　him。

But　he　was　patiently　working　for　her　relaxation；　patiently；
his　whole　being　fixed　in　the　smile　of　latent　gratification；　his
whole　body　electric　with　a　subtle；　powerful；　reducing　force　upon
her。　So　he　came　at　length　to　kiss　her；　and　she　was　almost
betrayed　by　his　insidious　kiss。　Her　open　mouth　was　too　helpless
and　unguarded。　He　knew　this；　and　his　first　kiss　was　very　gentle；
and　soft；　and　assuring；　so　assuring。　So　that　her　soft；
defenseless　mouth　became　assured；　even　bold；　seeking　upon　his
mouth。　And　he　answered　her　gradually；　gradually；　his　soft　kiss
sinking　in　softly；　softly；　but　ever　more　heavily；　more　heavily
yet；　till　it　was　too　heavy　for　her　to　meet；　and　she　began　to
sink　under　it。　She　was　sinking；　sinking；　his　smile　of　latent
gratification　was　being　more　tense；　he　was　sure　of　her。　He
let　the　whole　force　of　his　will　sink　upon　her　to　sweep　her　away。
But　it　was　too　great　a　shock　for　her。　With　a　sudden　horrible
movement　she　ruptured　the　state　that　contained　them　both。

〃Don't……don't！〃

It　was　a　rather　horrible　cry　that　seemed　to　e　out　of　her；
not　to　belong　to　her。　It　was　some　strange　agony　of　terror　crying
out　the　words。　There　was　something　vibrating　and　beside　herself
in　the　noise。　His　nerves　ripped　like　silk。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　he　said；　as　if　calmly。　〃What's　the
matter？〃

She　came　back　to　him；　but　trembling；　reservedly　this
time。

Her　cry　had　given　him　gratification。　But　he　knew　he　had　been
too　sudden　for　her。　He　was　now　careful。　For　a　while　he　merely
sheltered　her。　Also　there　had　broken　a　flaw　into　his　perfect
will。　He　wanted　to　persist；　to　begin　again；　to　lead　up　to　the
point　where　he　had　let　himself　go　on　her；　and　then　manage　more
carefully；　successfully。　So　far　she　had　won。　And　the　battle　was
not　over　yet。　But　another　voice　woke　in　him　and　prompted　him　to
let　her　go……let　her　go　in　contempt。

He　sheltered　her；　and　soothed　her；　and　caressed　her；　and
kissed　her；　and　again　began　to　e　nearer；　nearer。　He　gat