The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第40部分

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terror；　almost　with　frenzy。

He　learned　to　acquiesce　to　this；　to　submit　to　the　awful；
obliterated　sources　which　were　the　origin　of　his　living　tissue。
He　was　not　what　he　conceived　himself　to　be！　Then　he　was　what　he
was；　unknown；　potent；　dark。

He　became　accustomed　to　the　child；　he　knew　how　to　lift　and
balance　the　little　body。　The　baby　had　a　beautiful；　rounded　head
that　moved　him　passionately。　He　would　have　fought　to　the　last
drop　to　defend　that　exquisite；　perfect　round　head。

He　learned　to　know　the　little　hands　and　feet；　the　strange；
unseeing；　golden…brown　eyes；　the　mouth　that　opened　only　to　cry；
or　to　suck；　or　to　show　a　queer；　toothless　laugh。　He　could　almost
understand　even　the　dangling　legs；　which　at　first　had　created　in
him　a　feeling　of　aversion。　They　could　kick　in　their　queer　little
way；　they　had　their　own　softness。

One　evening；　suddenly；　he　saw　the　tiny；　living　thing　rolling
naked　in　the　mother's　lap；　and　he　was　sick；　it　was　so　utterly
helpless　and　vulnerable　and　extraneous；　in　a　world　of　hard
surfaces　and　varying　altitudes；　it　lay　vulnerable　and　naked　at
every　point。　Yet　it　was　quite　blithe。　And　yet；　in　its　blind；
awful　crying；　was　there　not　the　blind；　far…off　terror　of　its　own
vulnerable　nakedness；　the　terror　of　being　so　utterly　delivered
over；　helpless　at　every　point。　He　could　not　bear　to　hear　it
crying。　His　heart　strained　and　stood　on　guard　against　the　whole
universe。

But　he　waited　for　the　dread　of　these　days　to　pass；　he　saw　the
joy　ing。　He　saw　the　lovely；　creamy；　cool　little　ear　of　the
baby；　a　bit　of　dark　hair　rubbed　to　a　bronze　floss；　like
bronze…dust。　And　he　waited；　for　the　child　to　bee　his；　to　look
at　him　and　answer　him。

It　had　a　separate　being；　but　it　was　his　own　child。　His　flesh
and　blood　vibrated　to　it。　He　caught　the　baby　to　his　breast　with
his　passionate；　clapping　laugh。　And　the　infant　knew　him。

As　the　newly…opened；　newly…dawned　eyes　looked　at　him；　he
wanted　them　to　perceive　him；　to　recognize　him。　Then　he　was
verified。　The　child　knew　him；　a　queer　contortion　of　laughter
came　on　its　face　for　him。　He　caught　it　to　his　breast；　clapping
with　a　triumphant　laugh。

The　golden…brown　eyes　of　the　child　gradually　lit　up　and
dilated　at　the　sight　of　the　dark…glowing　face　of　the　youth。　It
knew　its　mother　better；　it　wanted　its　mother　more。　But　the
brightest；　sharpest　little　ecstasy　was　for　the　father。

It　began　to　be　strong；　to　move　vigorously　and　freely；　to　make
sounds　like　words。　It　was　a　baby　girl　now。　Already　it　knew　his
strong　hands；　it　exulted　in　his　strong　clasp；　it　laughed　and
crowed　when　he　played　with　it。

And　his　heart　grew　red……hot　with　passionate　feeling　for
the　child。　She　was　not　much　more　than　a　year　old　when　the　second
baby　was　born。　Then　he　took　Ursula　for　his　own。　She　his　first
little　girl。　He　had　set　his　heart　on　her。

The　second　had　dark　blue　eyes　and　a　fair　skin：　it　was　more　a
Brangwen；　people　said。　The　hair　was　fair。　But　they　forgot　Anna's
stiff　blonde　fleece　of　childhood。　They　called　the　newer
Gudrun。

This　time；　Anna　was　stronger；　and　not　so　eager。　She　did　not
mind　that　the　baby　was　not　a　boy。　It　was　enough　that　she　had
milk　and　could　suckle　her　child：　Oh；　oh；　the　bliss　of　the　little
life　sucking　the　milk　of　her　body！　Oh；　oh；　oh　the　bliss；　as　the
infant　grew　stronger；　of　the　two　tiny　hands　clutching；　catching
blindly　yet　passionately　at　her　breast；　of　the　tiny　mouth
seeking　her　in　blind；　sure；　vital　knowledge；　of　the　sudden
consummate　peace　as　the　little　body　sank；　the　mouth　and　throat
sucking；　sucking；　sucking；　drinking　life　from　her　to　make　a　new
life；　almost　sobbing　with　passionate　joy　of　receiving　its　own
existence；　the　tiny　hands　clutching　frantically　as　the　nipple
was　drawn　back；　not　to　be　gainsaid。　This　was　enough　for　Anna。
She　seemed　to　pass　off　into　a　kind　of　rapture　of　motherhood；　her
rapture　of　motherhood　was　everything。

So　that　the　father　had　the　elder　baby；　the　weaned　child；　the
golden…brown；　wondering　vivid　eyes　of　the　little　Ursula　were　for
him；　who　had　waited　behind　the　mother　till　the　need　was　for　him。
The　mother　felt　a　sharp　stab　of　jealousy。　But　she　was　still　more
absorbed　in　the　tiny　baby。　It　was　entirely　hers；　its　need　was
direct　upon　her。

So　Ursula　became　the　child　of　her　father's　heart。　She　was　the
little　blossom；　he　was　the　sun。　He　was　patient；　energetic；
inventive　for　her。　He　taught　her　all　the　funny　little　things；　he
filled　her　and　roused　her　to　her　fullest　tiny　measure。　She
answered　him　with　her　extravagant　infant's　laughter　and　her　call
of　delight。

Now　there　were　two　babies；　a　woman　came　in　to　do　the
housework。　Anna　was　wholly　nurse。　Two　babies　were　not　too　much
for　her。　But　she　hated　any　form　of　work；　now　her　children　had
e；　except　the　charge　of　them。

When　Ursula　toddled　about；　she　was　an　absorbed；　busy　child；
always　amusing　herself；　needing　not　much　attention　from　other
people。　At　evening；　towards　six　o'clock；　Anna　very　often　went
across　the　lane　to　the　stile；　lifted　Ursula　over　into　the　field；
with　a：　〃Go　and　meet　Daddy。〃　Then　Brangwen；　ing　up　the　steep
round　of　the　hill；　would　see　before　him　on　the　brow　of　the　path
a　tiny；　tottering；　windblown　little　mite　with　a　dark　head；　who；
as　soon　as　she　saw　him；　would　e　running　in　tiny；　wild；
windmill　fashion；　lifting　her　arms　up　and　down　to　him；　down　the
steep　hill。　His　heart　leapt　up；　he　ran　his　fastest　to　her；　to
catch　her；　because　he　knew　she　would　fall。　She　came　fluttering
on；　wildly；　with　her　little　limbs　flying。　And　he　was　glad　when
he　caught　her　up　in　his　arms。　Once　she　fell　as　she　came　flying
to　him；　he　saw　her　pitch　forward　suddenly　as　she　was　running
with　her　hands　lifted　to　him；　and　when　he　picked　her　up；　her
mouth　was　bleeding。　He　could　never　bear　to　think　of　it；　he
always　wanted　to　cry；　even　when　he　was　an　old　man　and　she　had
bee　a　stranger　to　him。　How　he　loved　that　little
Ursula！……his　heart　had　been　sharply　seared　for　her；　when　he
was　a　youth；　first　married。

When　she　was　a　little　older；　he　would　see　her　recklessly
climbing　over　the　bars　of　the　stile；　in　her　red　pinafore；
swinging　in　peril　and　tumbling　over；　picking　herself　up　and
flitting　towards　him。　Sometimes　she　liked　to　ride　on　his
shoulder；　sometimes　she　preferred　to　walk　with　his　hand；
sometimes　she　would　fling　her　arms　round　his　legs　for　a　moment；
then　race　free　again；　whilst　he　went　shouting　and　calling　to
her；　a　child　along　with　her。　He　was　still　only　a　tall；　thin；
unsettled　lad　of　twenty…two。

It　was　he　who　had　made　her　her　cradle；　her　little　chair；　her
little　stool；　her　high　chair。　It　was　he　who　would　swing　her　up
to　table　or　who　would　make　for　her　a　doll　out　of　an　old
table…leg；　whilst　she　watched　him；　saying：

〃Make　her　eyes；　Daddy；　make　her　eyes！〃

And　he　made　her　eyes　with　his　knife。

She　was　very　fond　of　adorning　herself；　so　he　would　tie　a
piece　of　cotton　round　her　ear；　and　hang　a　blue　bead　on　it
underneath　for　an　ear…ring。　The　ear…rings　varied　with　a　red
bead；　and　a　golden　bead；　and　a　little　pearl　bead。　And　as　he　came
home　at　night；　seeing　her　bridling　and　looking　very
self…conscious；　he　took　notice　and　said：

〃So　you're　wearing　your　best　golden　and　pearl　ear…rings；
to…day？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃I　suppose　you've　been　to　see　the　queen？〃

〃Yes；　I　have。〃

〃Oh；　and　what　had　she　to　say？〃

〃She　said……she　said……'You　won't　dirty　your　nice
white　frock。〃'

He　gave　her　the　nicest　bits　from　his　plate；　putting　them　into
her　red；　moist　mouth。　And　he　would　make　on　a　piece　of
bread…and…butter　a　bird；　out　of　jam：　which　she　ate　with
extraordinary　relish。

After　the　tea…things　were　washed　up；　the　woman　went　away；
leaving　the　family　free。　Usually　Brangwen　helped　in　the　bathing
of　the　children。　He　held　long　discussions　with　his　child　as　she
sat　on　his　knee　and　he　unfastened　her　clothes。　And　he　seemed　to
be　talking　really　of　momentous　things；　deep　moralities。　Then
suddenly　she　ceased　to　hear；　having　caught　sight　of　a　glassie
rolled　into　a　corner。　She　slipped　away；　and　was　in　no　hurry　to
return。

〃e　back　here；〃　he　said；　waiting。　She　became　absorbed；
taking　no　notice。

〃e　on；〃　he　repeated；　with　a　touch　of　mand。

An　excited　little　chuckle　came　from　her；　but　she　pretended　to
be　absorbed。

〃Do　you　hear；　Milady？〃

She　turned　with　a　fleeting；　exulting　laugh。　He　rushed　on　her；
and　swept　her　up。

〃Who　was　it　that　didn't　e！〃　he　said；　rolling　her　between
his　strong　hands；　tickling　her。　And　she　laughed　heartily；
heartily。　She　loved　him　that　he　pelled　her　with　his　strength
and　decision。　He　was　all…powerful；　the　tower　of　strength　which
rose　out　of　her　sight。

When　the　children　were　in　bed；　sometimes　Anna　and　he　sat　and
talked；　desultorily；　both　of　them　idle。　He　read　very　little。
Anything　he　was　drawn　to　read　became　a　burning　reality　to　him；
another　scene　outside　his　window。　Whereas　Anna　skimmed　through　a
book　to　see　what　happened；　then　she　had　enough。

Therefore　they　would　often　sit　together；　talking　desultorily。
What　was　really　between　them　they　could　not　utter。　Their　words
were　only　accidents　in　the　mutual　silence。　When　they　talked；
they　gossiped。　She　did　not　care　for　sewing。

She　had　a　beautiful　way　of　sitting　musing；　gratefully；　as　if
her　heart　were　lit　up。　Sometimes　she　would　turn　to　him；
laughing；　to　tell　him　some　little　thing　that　had　happened　during
the　day。　Then　he　would　laugh；　they　would　talk　awhile；　before　the
vital；　physical　silence　was　between　them　again。

She　was　thin　but　full　of　colour　and　life。　She　was　perfectly
happy　to　do　just　nothing；　only　to　sit　with　a　curious；　languid
dignity；　so　careless　as　to　be　almost　regal；　so　utterly
indifferent；　so　confident。　The　bond　between　them　was
undefinable；　but　very　strong。　It　kept　everyone　else　at　a
distance。

His　face　never　changed　whilst　she　knew　him；　it　only　became
more　intense。　It　was　ruddy　and　dark　in　its　abstraction；　not　very
human；　it　had　a　strong；　intent　brightness。　Sometimes；　when　his
eyes　met　hers；　a　yellow　flash　from　them　caused　a　darkness　to
swoon　over　her　consciousness；　electric；　and　a　slight　strange
laugh　came　on　his　face。　Her　eyes　would　turn　languidly；　then
close；　as　if　hypnotized。　And　they　lapsed　into　the　same　potent
darkness。　He　had　the　quality　of　a　young　black　cat；　intent；
unnoticeable；　and　yet　his　presence　gradually　made　itself　felt；
stealthily　and　powerfully　took　hold　of　her。　He　called；　not　to
her；　but　to　something　in　her；　which　responded　subtly；　out　of　her
unconscious　darkness。

So　they　were　together　in　a　darkness；　passionate；　electric；
for　ever　haunting　the　back　of　the　mon　day；　never　in　the
light。　In　the　light；　he　seemed　to　sleep；　unknowing。　Only　she
knew　him　when　the　darkness　set　him　free；　and　he　could　see　with
his　gold…glowing　eyes　his　intention　and　his　desires　in　the　dark。
Then　she　was　in　a　spell；　then　she　answered　his　harsh；
penetrating　call　with　a　soft　leap　of　her　soul；　the　darkness　woke
up；　electric；　bristling　with　an　unknown；　overwhelming
insinuation。

By　now　they　knew　each　other；　she　was　the　daytime；　the
daylight；　he　was　the　shadow；　put　aside；　but　in　the　darkness
potent　with　an　overwhelming　voluptuousness。

She　learned　not　to　dread　and　to　hate　him；　but　to　fill　herself
with　him；　to　give　herself　to　his　black；　sensual　power；　that　was
hidden　all　the　daytime。　And　the　curious　rolling　of　the