The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第11部分

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his　friends；　receiving　their　regard　gratefully；　glad　of　their
attention。　His　heart　was　tormented　within　him；　he　did　not　try　to
smile。　The　time　of　his　trial　and　his　admittance；　his　Gethsemane
and　his　Triumphal　Entry　in　one；　had　e　now。

Behind　her；　there　was　so　much　unknown　to　him。　When　he
approached　her；　he　came　to　such　a　terrible　painful　unknown。　How
could　he　embrace　it　and　fathom　it？　How　could　he　close　his　arms
round　all　this　darkness　and　hold　it　to　his　breast　and　give
himself　to　it？　What　might　not　happen　to　him？　If　he　stretched　and
strained　for　ever　he　would　never　be　able　to　grasp　it　all；　and　to
yield　himself　naked　out　of　his　own　hands　into　the　unknown　power！
How　could　a　man　be　strong　enough　to　take　her；　put　his　arms　round
her　and　have　her；　and　be　sure　he　could　conquer　this　awful
unknown　next　his　heart？　What　was　it　then　that　she　was；　to　which
he　must　also　deliver　himself　up；　and　which　at　the　same　time　he
must　embrace；　contain？

He　was　to　be　her　husband。　It　was　established　so。　And　he
wanted　it　more　than　he　wanted　life；　or　anything。　She　stood
beside　him　in　her　silk　dress；　looking　at　him　strangely；　so　that
a　certain　terror；　horror　took　possession　of　him；　because　she　was
strange　and　impending　and　he　had　no　choice。　He　could　not　bear　to
meet　her　look　from　under　her　strange；　thick　brows。

〃Is　it　late？〃　she　said。

He　looked　at　his　watch。

〃No……half…past　eleven；〃　he　said。　And　he　made　an　excuse
to　go　into　the　kitchen；　leaving　her　standing　in　the　room　among
the　disorder　and　the　drinking…glasses。

Tilly　was　seated　beside　the　fire　in　the　kitchen；　her　head　in
her　hands。　She　started　up　when　he　entered。

〃Why　haven't　you　gone　to　bed？〃　he　said。

〃I　thought　I'd　better　stop　an'　lock　up　an'　do；〃　she　said。　Her
agitation　quietened　him。　He　gave　her　some　little　order；　then
returned；　steadied　now；　almost　ashamed；　to　his　wife。　She　stood　a
moment　watching　him；　as　he　moved　with　averted　face。　Then　she
said：

〃You　will　be　good　to　me；　won't　you？〃

She　was　small　and　girlish　and　terrible；　with　a　queer；　wide
look　in　her　eyes。　His　heart　leaped　in　him；　in　anguish　of　love
and　desire；　he　went　blindly　to　her　and　took　her　in　his　arms。

〃I　want　to；〃　he　said　as　he　drew　her　closer　and　closer　in。　She
was　soothed　by　the　stress　of　his　embrace；　and　remained　quite
still；　relaxed　against　him；　mingling　in　to　him。　And　he　let
himself　go　from　past　and　future；　was　reduced　to　the　moment　with
her。　In　which　he　took　her　and　was　with　her　and　there　was　nothing
beyond；　they　were　together　in　an　elemental　embrace　beyond　their
superficial　foreignness。　But　in　the　morning　he　was　uneasy　again。
She　was　still　foreign　and　unknown　to　him。　Only；　within　the　fear
was　pride；　belief　in　himself　as　mate　for　her。　And　she；
everything　forgotten　in　her　new　hour　of　ing　to　life；　radiated
vigour　and　joy；　so　that　he　quivered　to　touch　her。

It　made　a　great　difference　to　him；　marriage。　Things　became　so
remote　and　of　so　little　significance；　as　he　knew　the　powerful
source　of　his　life；　his　eyes　opened　on　a　new　universe；　and　he
wondered　in　thinking　of　his　triviality　before。　A　new；　calm
relationship　showed　to　him　in　the　things　he　saw；　in　the　cattle
he　used；　the　young　wheat　as　it　eddied　in　a　wind。

And　each　time　he　returned　home；　he　went　steadily；
expectantly；　like　a　man　who　goes　to　a　profound；　unknown
satisfaction。　At　dinner…time；　he　appeared　in　the　doorway；
hanging　back　a　moment　from　entering；　to　see　if　she　was　there。　He
saw　her　setting　the　plates　on　the　white…scrubbed　table。　Her　arms
were　slim；　she　had　a　slim　body　and　full　skirts；　she　had　a　dark；
shapely　head　with　close…banded　hair。　Somehow　it　was　her　head；　so
shapely　and　poignant；　that　revealed　her　his　woman　to　him。　As　she
moved　about　clothed　closely；　full…skirted　and　wearing　her　little
silk　apron；　her　dark　hair　smoothly　parted；　her　head　revealed
itself　to　him　in　all　its　subtle；　intrinsic　beauty；　and　he　knew
she　was　his　woman；　he　knew　her　essence；　that　it　was　his　to
possess。　And　he　seemed　to　live　thus　in　contact　with　her；　in
contact　with　the　unknown；　the　unaccountable　and
incalculable。

They　did　not　take　much　notice　of　each　other；　consciously。

〃I'm　betimes；〃　he　said。

〃Yes；〃　she　answered。

He　turned　to　the　dogs；　or　to　the　child　if　she　was　there。　The
little　Anna　played　about　the　farm；　flitting　constantly　in　to
call　something　to　her　mother；　to　fling　her　arms　round　her
mother's　skirts；　to　be　noticed；　perhaps　caressed；　then；
forgetting；　to　slip　out　again。

Then　Brangwen；　talking　to　the　child；　or　to　the　dog　between
his　knees；　would　be　aware　of　his　wife；　as；　in　her　tight；　dark
bodice　and　her　lace　fichu；　she　was　reaching　up　to　the　corner
cupboard。　He　realized　with　a　sharp　pang　that　she　belonged　to
him；　and　he　to　her。　He　realized　that　he　lived　by　her。　Did　he　own
her？　Was　she　here　for　ever？　Or　might　she　go　away？　She　was　not
really　his；　it　was　not　a　real　marriage；　this　marriage　between
them。　She　might　go　away。　He　did　not　feel　like　a　master；　husband；
father　of　her　children。　She　belonged　elsewhere。　Any　moment；　she
might　be　gone。　And　he　was　ever　drawn　to　her；　drawn　after　her；
with　ever…raging；　ever…unsatisfied　desire。　He　must　always　turn
home；　wherever　his　steps　were　taking　him；　always　to　her；　and　he
could　never　quite　reach　her；　he　could　never　quite　be　satisfied；
never　be　at　peace；　because　she　might　go　away。

At　evening；　he　was　glad。　Then；　when　he　had　finished　in　the
yard；　and　e　in　and　washed　himself；　when　the　child　was　put　to
bed；　he　could　sit　on　the　other　side　of　the　fire　with　his　beer　on
the　hob　and　his　long　white　pipe　in　his　fingers；　conscious　of　her
there　opposite　him；　as　she　worked　at　her　embroidery；　or　as　she
talked　to　him；　and　he　was　safe　with　her　now；　till　morning。　She
was　curiously　self…sufficient　and　did　not　say　very　much。
Occasionally　she　lifted　her　head；　her　grey　eyes　shining　with　a
strange　light；　that　had　nothing　to　do　with　him　or　with　this
place；　and　would　tell　him　about　herself。　She　seemed　to　be　back
again　in　the　past；　chiefly　in　her　childhood　or　her　girlhood；
with　her　father。　She　very　rarely　talked　of　her　first　husband。
But　sometimes；　all　shining…eyed；　she　was　back　at　her　own　home；
telling　him　about　the　riotous　times；　the　trip　to　Paris　with　her
father；　tales　of　the　mad　acts　of　the　peasants　when　a　burst　of
religious；　self…hurting　fervour　had　passed　over　the　country。

She　would　lift　her　head　and　say：

〃When　they　brought　the　railway　across　the　country；　they　made
afterwards　smaller　railways；　of　shorter　width；　to　e　down　to
our　town…a　hundred　miles。　When　I　was　a　girl；　Gisla；　my　German
gouvernante；　was　very　shocked　and　she　would　not　tell　me。　But　I
heard　the　servants　talking。　I　remember；　it　was　Pierre；　the
coachman。　And　my　father；　and　some　of　his　friends；　landowners；
they　had　taken　a　wagon；　a　whole　railway　wagon……that　you
travel　in〃

〃A　railway…carriage；〃　said　Brangwen。

She　laughed　to　herself。

〃I　know　it　was　a　great　scandal：　yes……a　whole　wagon；　and
they　had　girls；　you　know；　filles；　naked；　all　the
wagon…full；　and　so　they　came　down　to　our　village。　They　came
through　villages　of　the　Jews；　and　it　was　a　great　scandal。　Can
you　imagine？　All　the　countryside！　And　my　mother；　she　did　not
like　it。　Gisla　said　to　me；　'Madame；　she　must　not　know　that　you
have　heard　such　things。'

〃My　mother；　she　used　to　cry；　and　she　wished　to　beat　my
father；　plainly　beat　him。　He　would　say；　when　she　cried　because
he　sold　the　forest；　the　wood；　to　jingle　money　in　his　pocket；　and
go　to　Warsaw　or　Paris　or　Kiev；　when　she　said　he　must　take　back
his　word；　he　must　not　sell　the　forest；　he　would　stand　and　say；
'I　know；　I　know；　I　have　heard　it　all；　I　have　heard　it　all
before。　Tell　me　some　new　thing。　I　know；　I　know；　I　know。'　Oh；　but
can　you　understand；　I　loved　him　when　he　stood　there　under　the
door；　saying　only；　'I　know；　I　know；　I　know　it　all　already。'　She
could　not　change　him；　no；　not　if　she　killed　herself　for　it。　And
she　could　change　everybody　else；　but　him；　she　could　not　change
him〃

Brangwen　could　not　understand。　He　had　pictures　of　a
cattle…truck　full　of　naked　girls　riding　from　nowhere　to　nowhere；
of　Lydia　laughing　because　her　father　made　great　debts　and　said；
〃I　know；　I　know〃；　of　Jews　running　down　the　street　shouting　in
Yiddish；　〃Don't　do　it；　don't　do　it；〃　and　being　cut　down　by
demented　peasants……she　called　them　〃cattle〃……whilst
she　looked　on　interested　and　even　amused；　of　tutors　and
governesses　and　Paris　and　a　convent。　It　was　too　much　for　him。
And　there　she　sat；　telling　the　tales　to　the　open　space；　not　to
him；　arrogating　a　curious　superiority　to　him；　a　distance　between
them；　something　strange　and　foreign　and　outside　his　life；
talking；　rattling；　without　rhyme　or　reason；　laughing　when　he　was
shocked　or　astounded；　condemning　nothing；　confounding　his　mind
and　making　the　whole　world　a　chaos；　without　order　or　stability
of　any　kind。　Then；　when　they　went　to　bed；　he　knew　that　he　had
nothing　to　do　with　her。　She　was　back　in　her　childhood；　he　was　a
peasant；　a　serf；　a　servant；　a　lover；　a　paramour；　a　shadow；　a
nothing。　He　lay　still　in　amazement；　staring　at　the　room　he　knew
so　well；　and　wondering　whether　it　was　really　there；　the　window；
the　chest　of　drawers；　or　whether　it　was　merely　a　figment　in　the
atmosphere。　And　gradually　he　grew　into　a　raging　fury　against
her。　But　because　he　was　so　much　amazed；　and　there　was　as　yet
such　a　distance　between　them；　and　she　was　such　an　amazing　thing
to　him；　with　all　wonder　opening　out　behind　her；　he　made　no
retaliation　on　her。　Only　he　lay　still　and　wide…eyed　with　rage；
inarticulate；　not　understanding；　but　solid　with　hostility。

And　he　remained　wrathful　and　distinct　from　her；　unchanged
outwardly　to　her；　but　underneath　a　solid　power　of　antagonism　to
her。　Of　which　she　became　gradually　aware。　And　it　irritated　her
to　be　made　aware　of　him　as　a　separate　power。　She　lapsed　into　a
sort　of　sombre　exclusion；　a　curious　munion　with　mysterious
powers；　a　sort　of　mystic；　dark　state　which　drove　him　and　the
child　nearly　mad。　He　walked　about　for　days　stiffened　with
resistance　to　her；　stiff　with　a　will　to　destroy　her　as　she　was。
Then　suddenly；　out　of　nowhere；　there　was　connection　between　them
again。　It　came　on　him　as　he　was　working　in　the　fields。　The
tension；　the　bond；　burst；　and　the　passionate　flood　broke　forward
into　a　tremendous；　magnificent　rush；　so　that　he　felt　he　could
snap　off　the　trees　as　he　passed；　and　create　the　world
afresh。

And　when　he　arrived　home；　there　was　no　sign　between　them。　He
waited　and　waited　till　she　came。　And　as　he　waited；　his　limbs
seemed　strong　and　splendid　to　him；　his　hands　seemed　like
passionate　servants　to　him；　goodly；　he　felt　a　stupendous　power
in　himself；　of　life；　and　of　urgent；　strong　blood。

She　was　sure　to　e　at　last；　and　touch　him。　Then　he　burst
into　flame　for　her；　and　lost　himself。　They　looked　at　each　other；
a　deep　laugh　at　the　bottom　of　their　eyes；　and　he　went　to　take　of
her　again；　wholesale；　mad　to　revel　in　the　inexhaustible　wealth
of　her；　to　bury　himself　in　the　depths　of　her　in　an　inexhaustible
exploration；　she　all　the　while　revelling　in　that　he　revelled　in
her；　tossed　all　her　secrets　aside　and　plunged　to　that　which　was
secret　to　her　as　well；　whilst　she　quivered　with　fear　and　the
last　anguish　of　delight。

What　did　it　matter　who　they　were；　whether　they　knew　each
other　or