首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)-第53部分

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tened　of　imparting　confidences；　because　she　feared　that　they　might　betray　the　world　of　oddness　that　lived　inside　her；　the　world　that　Fats　Wall　seemed　able　to　perate　with　such　terrifying　ease。　All　the　same；　she　knew　that　the　events　of　the　day　could　not　be　kept　quiet　indefinitely。　Tessa　had　told　her　that　she　intended　to　telephone　Parminder。

‘I’m　going　to　have　to　call　your　mum；　Sukhvinder；　it’s　what　we　always　do；　but　I’m　going　to　explain　to　her　why　you　did　it。’

Sukhvinder　had　felt　almost　warm　towards　Tessa；　even　though　she　was　Fats　Wall’s　mother。　Frightened　though　she　was　of　her　mother’s　reaction；　a　tiny　little　glow　of　hope　had　kindled　inside　her　at　the　thought　of　Tessa　interceding　for　her。　Would　the　realization　of　Sukhvinder’s　desperation　lead；　at　last；　to　some　crack　in　her　mother’s　implacable　disapproval；　her　disappointment；　her　endless　stone…faced　criticism？

When　the　front　door　opened　at　last；　she　heard　her　mother　speaking　Punjabi。

‘Oh；　not　the　bloody　farm　again；’　groaned　Jaswant；　who　had　cocked　an　ear　to　the　door。

The　Jawandas　owned　a　patch　of　ancestral　land　in　the　Punjab；　which　Parminder；　the　oldest；　had　inherited　from　their　father　in　the　absence　of　sons。　The　farm　occupied　a　place　in　the　family　consciousness　that　Jaswant　and　Sukhvinder　had　sometimes　discussed。　To　their　slightly　amused　astonishment；　a　few　of　their　older　relatives　seemed　to　live　in　the　expectation　that　the　whole　family　would　move　back　there　one　day。　Parminder’s　father　had　sent　money　back　to　the　farm　all　his　life。　It　was　tenanted　and　worked　by　second　cousins；　who　seemed　surly　and　embittered。　The　farm　caused　regular　arguments　among　her　mother’s　family。

‘Nani’s　gone　off　on　one　again；’　interpreted　Jaswant；　as　Parminder’s　muffled　voice　perated　the　door。

Parminder　had　taught　her　first…born　some　Punjabi；　and　Jaz　had　picked　up　a　lot　more　from　their　cousins。　Sukhvinder’s　dyslexia　had　been　too　severe　to　enable　her　to　learn　two　languages　and　the　attempt　had　been　abandoned。

‘…　Harpreet　still　wants　to　sell　off　that　bit　for　the　road　…’

Sukhvinder　heard　Parminder　kicking　off　her　shoes。　She　wished　that　her　mother　had　not　been　bothered　about　the　farm　tonight　of　all　nights；　it　never　put　her　into　a　good　mood；　and　when　Parminder　pushed　open　the　kitchen　door　and　she　saw　her　mother’s　tight　mask…like　face；　her　courage　failed　her　pletely。

Parminder　acknowledged　Jaswant　and　Rajpal　with　a　slight　wave　of　her　hand；　but　she　pointed　at　Sukhvinder　and　then　towards　a　kitchen　chair；　indicating　that　she　was　to　sit　down　and　wait　for　the　call　to　end。

Jaswant　and　Rajpal　drifted　back　upstairs。　Sukhvinder　waited　beneath　the　wall　of　photographs；　in　which　her　relative　inadequacy　was　displayed　for　the　world　to　see；　pinned　to　her　chair　by　her　mother’s　silent　mand。　On　and　on　went　the　call；　until　at　long　last　Parminder　said　goodbye　and　cut　the　connection。

When　she　turned　to　look　at　her　daughter　Sukhvinder　knew；　instantly；　before　a　word　was　spoken；　that　she　had　been　wrong　to　hope。

‘So；’　said　Parminder。　‘I　had　a　call　from　Tessa　while　I　was　at　work。　I　expect　you　know　what　it　was　about。’

Sukhvinder　nodded。　Her　mouth　seemed　to　be　full　of　cotton　wool。

Parminder’s　rage　crashed　over　her　like　a　tidal　wave；　dragging　Sukhvinder　with　it；　so　that　she　was　unable　to　find　her　feet　or　right　herself。

‘Why？　Why？　Is　this　copying　the　London　girl；　again　–　are　you　trying　to　impress　her？　Jaz　and　Raj　never　behave　like　this；　never　–　why　do　you？　What’s　wrong　with　you？　Are　you　proud　of　being　lazy　and　sloppy？　Do　you　think　it’s　cool　to　act　like　a　delinquent？　How　do　you　think　I　felt　when　Tessa　told　me？　Called　at　work　–　I’ve　never　been　so　ashamed　–　I’m　disgusted　by　you；　do　you　hear　me？　Do　we　not　give　you　enough？　Do　we　not　help　you　enough？　What　is　wrong　with　you；　Sukhvinder？’

In　desperation；　Sukhvinder　tried　to　break　through　her　mother’s　tirade；　and　mentioned　the　name　Krystal　Weedon—

‘Krystal　Weedon！’　shouted　Parminder。　‘That　stupid　girl！　Why　are　you　paying　attention　to　anything　she　says？　Did　you　tell　her　I　tried　to　keep　her　damn　great…grandmother　alive？　Did　you　tell　her　that？’

‘I　–　no—’

‘If　you’re　going　to　care　about　what　the　likes　of　Krystal　Weedon　says；　there’s　no　hope　for　you！　Perhaps　that’s　your　natural　level；　is　it；　Sukhvinder？　You　want　to　play　truant　and　work　in　a　café　and　waste　all　your　opportunities　for　education；　because　that’s　easier？　Is　that　what　being　in　a　team　with　Krystal　Weedon　taught　you　–　to　sink　to　her　level？’

Sukhvinder　thought　of　Krystal　and　her　gang；　raring　to　go　on　the　opposite　kerb；　waiting　for　a　break　in　the　cars。　What　would　it　take　to　make　her　mother　understand？　An　hour　ago　she　had　had　the　tiniest　fantasy　that　she　might　confide　in　her　mother；　at　last；　about　Fats　Wall　…

‘Get　out　of　my　sight！　Go！　I’ll　speak　to　your　father　when　he　es　in　–　go！’

Sukhvinder　walked　upstairs。　Jaswant　called　from　her　bedroom：　‘What　was　all　that　shouting　about？’

Sukhvinder　did　not　answer。　She　proceeded　to　her　own　room；　where　she　closed　the　door　and　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　her　bed。

What’s　wrong　with　you；　Sukhvinder？

You　disgust　me。

Are　you　proud　of　being　lazy　and　sloppy？

What　had　she　expected？　Warm　encircling　arms　and　fort？　When　had　she　ever　been　hugged　and　held　by　Parminder？　There　was　more　fort　to　be　had　from　the　razor　blade　hidden　in　her　stuffed　rabbit；　but　the　desire；　mounting　to　a　need；　to　cut　and　bleed；　could　not　be　satisfied　by　daylight；　with　the　family　awake　and　her　father　on　his　way。

The　dark　lake　of　desperation　and　pain　that　lived　in　Sukhvinder　and　yearned　for　release　was　in　flames；　as　if　it　had　been　fuel　all　along。

Let　her　see　how　it　feels。

She　got　up；　crossed　her　bedroom　in　a　few　strides；　and　dropping　into　the　chair　by　her　desk；　pounded　at　the　keyboard　of　her　puter。

Sukhvinder　had　been　just　as　interested　as　Andrew　Price　when　that　stupid　supply　teacher　had　tried　to　impress　them　with　his　cool　in　puting。　Unlike　Andrew　and　a　couple　of　the　other　boys；　Sukhvinder　had　not　plied　the　teacher　with　questions　about　the　hacking；　she　had　merely　gone　home　quietly　and　looked　it　all　up　online。　Nearly　every　modern　website　was　proof　against　a　classic　SQL　injection；　but　when　Sukhvinder　had　heard　her　mother　discussing　the　anonymous　attack　on　the　Pagford　Parish　Council　website；　it　had　occurred　to　Sukhvinder　that　the　security　on　that　feeble　old　site　was　probably　minimal。

Sukhvinder　always　found　it　much　easier　to　type　than　to　write；　and　puter　code　easier　to　read　than　long　strings　of　words。　It　did　not　take　very　long　for　her　to　retrieve　a　site　that　gave　explicit　instructions　for　the　simplest　form　of　SQL　injection。　Then　she　brought　up　the　Parish　Council　website。

It　took　her　five　minutes　to　hack　the　site；　and　then　only　because　she　had　transcribed　the　code　wrong　the　first　time。　To　her　astonishment；　she　discovered　that　whoever　was　administering　the　site　had　not　removed　the　user　details　of　The_Ghost_of_Barry_Fairbrother　from　the　database；　but　merely　deleted　the　post。　It　would　be　child’s　play；　therefore；　to　post　in　the　same　name。

It　took　Sukhvinder　much　longer　to　pose　the　message　than　it　had　to　hack　into　the　site。　She　had　carried　the　secret　accusation　with　her　for　months；　ever　since　New　Year’s　Eve；　when　she　had　noticed　with　wonder　her　mother’s　face；　at　ten　to　midnight；　from　the　corner　of　the　party　where　she　was　hiding。　She　typed　slowly。　Autocorrect　helped　with　her　spelling。

She　was　not　afraid　that　Parminder　would　check　her　puter　history；　her　mother　knew　so　little　about　her；　and　about　what　went　on　in　this　bedroom；　that　she　would　never　suspect　her　lazy；　stupid；　sloppy　daughter。

Sukhvinder　pressed　the　mouse　like　a　trigger。

XI
Krystal　did　not　take　Robbie　to　nursery　on　Tuesday　morning；　but　dressed　him　for　Nana　Cath’s　funeral　instead。　As　she　pulled　up　his　least　ripped　trousers；　which　were　a　good　two　inches　too　short　in　the　leg；　she　tried　to　explain　to　him　who　Nana　Cath　had　been；　but　she　might　as　well　have　saved　her　breath。　Robbie　had　no　memory　of　Nana　Cath；　he　had　no　idea　what　Nana　meant；　no　concept　of　any　relative　other　than　mother　and　sister。　In　spite　of　her　shifting　hints　and　stories；　Krystal　knew　that　Terri　had　no　idea　who　his　father　was。

Krystal　heard　her　mother’s　footsteps　on　the　stairs。

‘Leave　it；’　she　snapped　at　Robbie；　who　had　reached　for　an　empty　beer　can　lying　beneath　Terri’s　usual　armchair。　‘C’m’ere。’

She　pulled　Robbie　by　the　hand　into　the　hall。　Terri　was　still　wearing　the　pyjama　bottoms　and　dirty　T…shirt　in　which　she　had　spent　the　night；　and　her　feet　were　bare。

‘Why　intcha　changed？’　demanded　Krystal。

‘I　ain’t　goin’；’　said　Terri；　pushing　past　her　son　and　daughter　into　the　kitchen。　‘Changed　me　mind。’

‘Why？’

‘I　don’　wanna；’　said　Terri。　She　was　lighting　a　cigarette　off　the　ring　of　the　cooker。　‘Don’　fuckin’　’ave　to。’

Krystal　was　still　holding　Robbie’s　hand；　as　he　tugged　and　swung。

‘They’re　all　goin’；’　said　Krystal。　‘Cheryl　an’　Shane　an’　all。’

‘So？’　said　Terri　aggressively。

Krystal　had　been　afraid　that　her　mother　would　pull　out　at　the　last　minute。　The　funeral　would　bring　her　face　to　face　with　Danielle；　the　sister　who　pretended　that　Terri　did　not　exist；　not　to　mention　all　the　other　relatives　who　had　disowned　them。　Anne…Marie　might　be　there。　Krystal　had　been　holding　on　to　that　hope；　like　a　torch　in　the　darkness；　through　the　nights　she　had　sobbed　for　Nana　Cath　and　Mr　Fairbrother。

‘You　gotta　go；’　said　Krystal。

‘No；　I　ain’。’

‘It’s　Nana　Cath；　innit；’　said　Krystal。

‘So？’　said　Terri；　again。

‘She　done　loads　fer　us；’　said　Krystal。

‘No；　she　ain’；’　snapped　Terri。

‘She　did；’　said　Krystal；　her　face　hot　and　her　hand　clutching　Robbie’s。

‘Fer　you；　maybe；’　said　Terri。　‘She　done　fuck…all　for　me。　Go　an’　fuckin’　bawl　all　over　’er　fuckin’　grave　if　yeh　want。　I’m　waitin’　in。’

‘Wha’　for？’　said　Krystal。

‘My　bus’ness；　innit。’

The　old　familiar　shadow　fell。

‘Obbo’s　in’　round；　is　’e？’

‘My　bus’ness；’　repeated　Terri；　with　pathetic　dignity。

‘e　to　the　funeral；’　said　Krystal　loudly。

‘You　go。’

‘Don’　go　fuckin’　usin’；’　said　Krystal；　her　voice　an　octave　higher。

‘I　ain’；’　said　Terri；　but　she　turned　away；　looking　out　of　the　dirty　back　window　over　the　patch　of　overgrown　litter…strewn　grass　they　called　the　back　garden。

Robbie　tugged　his　hand　out　of　Krystal’s　and　disappeared　into　the　sitting　room。　With　her　fists　deep　in　her　trackie　pockets；　shoulders　squared；　Krystal　tried　to　decide　what　to　do。　She　wanted　to　cry　at　the　thought　of　not　going　to　the　funeral；　but　her　distress　was　edged　with　relief　that　she　would　not　have　to　face　the　battery　of　hostile　eyes　she　had　sometimes　met　at　Nana　Cath’s。　She　was　angry　with　Terri；　and　yet　felt　strangely　on　her　side。　You　don’t　even　know　who　the　father　is；　do　yeh；　yer　whore？　She　wanted　to　meet　Anne…Marie；　but　was　scared。

‘All　righ’；　then；　I’ll　stay　an’　all。’

‘You　don’　’ave　ter。　Go；　if　yeh　wan’。　I　don’　fuckin’　care。’

But　Krystal；　certain　that　Obbo　would　appear；　stayed。　Obbo　had　been　away　for　more　than　a　week；　for　some　nefarious　purpose　of　his　own。　Krystal　wished　that　he　had　died；　that　he　would　never　e　back。

For　something　to　do；　she　began　to　tidy　the　house；　while　smoking　one　of　the　roll…ups　Fats　Wall　had　giv