首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)-第18部分

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ld　test　positive　at　Bellchapel　next　time；　and　they　would　chuck　her　out　again　…

（　…　and　without　methadone；　they　would　return　again　to　that　nightmare　place　where　Terri　became　feral；　when　she　would　again　start　opening　her　broken…toothed　mouth　for　strangers’　dicks；　so　she　could　feed　her　veins。　And　Robbie　would　be　taken　away　again；　and　this　time　he　might　not　e　back。　In　a　little　red　plastic　heart　hanging　from　the　key…ring　in　Krystal’s　pocket　was　a　picture　of　Robbie；　aged　one。　Krystal’s　real　heart　had　started　pounding　the　way　it　did　when　she　rowed　full　stretch；　pulling；　pulling　through　the　water；　her　muscles　singing；　watching　the　other　crew　slide　backwards　…　）

‘You　fuckin’；’　she　shouted；　but　nobody　heard　her；　because　Terri　was　still　bawling　at　Kay；　who　sat　with　her　mug　held　in　her　hands；　looking　unmoved。

‘I　ain’　fuckin’　used；　you　ain’　go’　no　proof—’

‘You　fuckin’　stupid；’　said　Krystal；　louder。

‘I　ain’　fuckin’　used；　tha’s　a　fuckin’　lie；’　screamed　Terri；　an　animal　snared　in　a　；　thrashing　around；　tangling　herself　tighter。　‘I　never　fuckin’　did；　righ’；　I　never—’

‘They’ll　kick　you　out　the　fuckin’　clinic　again；　you　stupid　fuckin’　bitch！’

‘Don’　you　dare　fuckin’　talk　ter　me　like　tha’！’

‘All　right；’　said　Kay　loudly　over　the　din；　putting　her　mug　back　on　the　floor　and　standing　up；　scared　at　what　she　had　unleashed；　then　she　shouted　‘Terri！’　in　real　alarm；　as　Terri　hoisted　herself　up　in　the　chair　to　half　crouch　on　its　other　arm；　facing　her　daughter；　like　two　gargoyles　they　were　almost　nose　to　nose；　screaming。

‘Krystal！’　cried　Kay；　as　Krystal　raised　her　fist。

Krystal　flung　herself　violently　off　the　chair；　away　from　her　mother。　She　was　surprised　to　feel　warm　liquid　flowing　down　her　cheeks；　and　thought　confusedly　of　blood；　but　it　was　tears；　only　tears；　clear　and　shining　on　her　fingertips　when　she　wiped　them　away。

‘All　right；’　said　Kay；　unnerved。　‘Let’s　calm　down；　please。’

‘You　fuckin’　calm　down；’　Krystal　said。　Shaking；　she　wiped　her　face　with　her　forearm；　then　marched　back　over　to　her　mother’s　chair。　Terri　flinched；　but　Krystal　merely　snatched　up　the　cigarette　packet；　slid　out　the　last　cigarette　and　a　lighter；　and　lit　up。　Puffing　on　the　cigarette；　she　walked　away　from　her　mother　to　the　window　and　turned　her　back；　trying　to　press　away　more　tears　before　they　fell。

‘OK；’　said　Kay；　still　standing；　‘if　we　can　talk　about　this　calmly—’

‘Oh；　fuck　off；’　said　Terri　dully。

‘This　is　about　Robbie；’　Kay　said。　She　was　still　on　her　feet；　scared　to　relax。　‘That’s　what　I’m　here　for。　To　make　sure　that　Robbie　is　all　right。’

‘So　’e　missed　fuckin’　nursery；’　said　Krystal；　from　the　window。　‘Tha’s　norra　fuckin’　crime。’

‘…　norra　fuckin’　crime；’　agreed　Terri；　in　a　dim　echo。

‘This　isn’t　only　about　nursery；’　said　Kay。　‘Robbie　was　unfortable　and　sore　when　I　saw　him　yesterday。　He’s　much　too　old　to　be　wearing　a　nappy。’

‘I　took　’im　outta　the　fuckin’　nappy；　’e’s　in　pants　now；　I　toldja！’　said　Krystal　furiously。

‘I’m　sorry；　Terri；’　said　Kay；　‘but　you　weren’t　in　any　fit　condition　to　have　sole　charge　of　a　small　child。’

‘I　never—’

‘You　can　keep　telling　me　you　haven’t　used；’　Kay　said；　and　Krystal　heard　something　real　and　human　in　Kay’s　voice　for　the　first　time：　exasperation；　irritation。　‘But　you’re　going　to　be　tested　at　the　clinic。　We　both　know　you’re　going　to　test　positive。　They’re　saying　it’s　your　last　chance；　that　they’ll　throw　you　out　again。’

Terri　wiped　her　mouth　with　the　back　of　her　hand。

‘Look；　I　can　see　neither　of　you　wants　to　lose　Robbie—’

‘Don’　fuckin’　take　him　away；　then！’　shouted　Krystal。

‘It’s　not　as　simple　as　that；’　said　Kay。　She　sat　down　again　and　lifted　the　heavy　folder　back　onto　her　lap　from　the　floor　where　it　had　fallen。　‘When　Robbie　came　back　to　you　last　year；　Terri；　you　were　off　the　heroin。　You　made　a　big　mitment　to　staying　clean　and　going　through　the　programme；　and　you　agreed　to　certain　other　things；　like　keeping　Robbie　in　nursery—’

‘Yeh；　an’　I　took　’im—’

‘—for　a　bit；’　said　Kay。　‘For　a　bit　you　did；　but；　Terri；　a　token　effort　isn’t　enough。　After　what　I　found　when　I　called　here　yesterday；　and　after　talking　to　your　key　drug　worker　and　to　Mrs　Harper；　I’m　afraid　I　think　we　need　to　have　another　look　at　how　things　are　working。’

‘What’s　that　mean？’　said　Krystal。　‘Another　fuckin’　case　review；　is　it？　Why’djer　need　one；　though？　Why’djer　need　one？　He’s　all　righ’；　I’m　lookin’　after　–　fuckin’　shurrup！’　she　screamed　at　Terri；　who　was　trying　to　shout　along　from　her　chair。　‘She　ain’　–　I’m　lookin’　after　’im；　all　righ’？’　she　bellowed　at　Kay；　pink　in　the　face；　her　heavily　kohled　eyes　brimming　with　tears　of　anger；　jabbing　a　finger　at　her　own　chest。

Krystal　had　visited　Robbie　regularly　at　his　foster　parents　during　the　month　he　had　been　away　from　them。　He　had　clung　to　her；　wanted　her　to　stay　for　tea；　cried　when　she　left。　It　had　been　like　having　half　your　guts　cut　out　of　you　and　held　hostage。　Krystal　had　wanted　Robbie　to　go　to　Nana　Cath’s；　the　way　she　had　gone　all　those　times　in　her　childhood；　whenever　Terri　had　fallen　apart。　But　Nana　Cath　was　old　and　frail　now；　and　she　had　no　time　for　Robbie。

‘I　understand　that　you　love　your　brother　and　that　you’re　doing　your　best　for　him；　Krystal；’　Kay　said；　‘but　you’re　not　Robbie’s　legal—’

‘Why　ain’　I？　I’m　his　fuckin’　sister；　ain’　I？’

‘All　right；’　said　Kay　firmly。　‘Terri；　I　think　we　need　to　face　facts　here。　Bellchapel　will　definitely　throw　you　off　the　programme　if　you　turn　up；　claim　you　haven’t　used　and　then　test　positive。　Your　drug　worker　made　that　perfectly　clear　to　me　on　the　phone。’

Shrunken　in　the　armchair；　a　strange　hybrid　of　old　lady　and　child　with　her　missing　teeth；　Terri’s　gaze　was　vacant　and　inconsolable。

‘I　think　the　only　way　you　can　possibly　avoid　being　thrown　out；’　Kay　went　on；　‘is　to　admit；　up　front；　that　you’ve　used；　take　responsibility　for　the　lapse　and　show　your　mitment　to　turning　over　a　new　leaf。’

Terri　simply　stared。　Lying　was　the　only　way　Terri　knew　to　meet　her　many　accusers。　Yeah；　all　righ’；　go　on；　then；　give　it　’ere；　and　then；　No；　I　never；　no　I　ain’；　I　never　fuckin’　did　…

‘Was　there　any　particular　reason　you　used　heroin　this　week；　when　you’re　already　on　a　big　dose　of　methadone？’　Kay　asked。

‘Yeah；’　said　Krystal。　‘Yeah；　because　Obbo　turned　up；　an’　she　never　fuckin’　says　no　to　’im！’

‘Shurrup；’　said　Terri；　but　without　heat。　She　seemed　to　be　trying　to　take　in　what　Kay　had　said　to　her：　this　bizarre；　dangerous　advice　about　telling　the　truth。

‘Obbo；’　repeated　Kay。　‘Who’s　Obbo？’

‘Fuckin’　tosser；’　said　Krystal。

‘Your　dealer？’　asked　Kay。

‘Shurrup；’　Terri　advised　Krystal　again。

‘Why　didn’　yeh　jus’　tell　’im　fuckin’　no？’　Krystal　shouted　at　her　mother。

‘All　right；’　said　Kay；　again。　‘Terri；　I’m　going　to　call　your　drug　worker　back。　I’m　going　to　try　and　persuade　her　that　I　think　there　would　be　a　benefit　to　the　family　from　your　staying　on　the　programme。’

‘Will　yeh？’　asked　Krystal；　astonished。　She　had　been　thinking　of　Kay　as　a　huge　bitch；　a　bigger　bitch　even　than　that　foster　mother；　with　her　spotless　kitchen　and　the　way　she　had　of　speaking　kindly　to　Krystal；　which　made　Krystal　feel　like　a　piece　of　shit。

‘Yes；’　said　Kay；　‘I　will。　But；　Terri；　as　far　as　we’re　concerned；　I　mean　the　Child　Protection　team；　this　is　serious。　We　are　going　to　have　to　monitor　Robbie’s　home　situation　closely。　We　need　to　see　a　change；　Terri。’

‘All　righ’；　yeah；’　said　Terri；　agreeing　as　she　agreed　to　everything；　to　everyone。

But　Krystal　said；　‘You　will；　yeah。　She　will。　I’ll　help　’er。　She　will。’

II
Shirley　Mollison　spent　Wednesdays　at　South　West　General　in　Yarvil。　Here；　she　and　a　dozen　fellow　volunteers　performed　non…medical　jobs；　such　as　pushing　the　library　trolley　around　the　beds；　looking　after　patients’　flowers　and　making　trips　to　the　shop　in　the　lobby　for　those　who　were　bed…ridden　and　without　visitors。　Shirley’s　favourite　activity　was　going　from　bed　to　bed；　taking　orders　for　meals。　Once；　carrying　her　clipboard　and　wearing　her　laminated　pass；　she　had　been　mistaken　by　a　passing　doctor　for　a　hospital　administrator。

The　idea　of　volunteering　had　e　to　Shirley　during　her　longest　ever　conversation　with　Julia　Fawley；　during　one　of　the　wonderful　Christmas　parties　at　Sweetlove　House。　Here；　she　had　learned　that　Julia　was　involved　in　fund…raising　for　the　paediatric　wing　of　the　local　hospital。

‘What　we　really　need　is　a　royal　visit；’　Julia　had　said；　her　eyes　straying　to　the　door　over　Shirley’s　shoulder。　‘I’m　going　to　get　Aubrey　to　have　a　quiet　word　with　Norman　Bailey。　Excuse　me；　I　must　say　hello　to　Lawrence　…’

Shirley　was　left　standing　there　beside　the　grand　piano；　saying；　‘Oh；　of　course；　of　course；’　to　thin　air。　She　had　no　idea　who　Norman　Bailey　was；　but　she　felt　quite　light…headed。　The　very　next　day；　without　even　telling　Howard　what　she　was　up　to；　she　telephoned　South　West　General　and　asked　about　volunteer　work。　Ascertaining　that　nothing　was　required　but　a　blameless　character；　a　sound　mind　and　strong　legs；　she　had　demanded　an　application　form。

Volunteer　work　had　opened　a　whole　new；　glorious　world　to　Shirley。　This　was　the　dream　that　Julia　Fawley　had　inadvertently　handed　her　beside　the　grand　piano：　that　of　herself；　standing　with　her　hands　clasped　demurely　in　front　of　her；　her　laminated　pass　around　her　neck；　while　the　Queen　moved　slowly　down　a　line　of　beaming　helpers。　She　saw　herself　dropping　a　perfect　curtsy；　the　Queen’s　attention　caught；　she　stopped　to　chat；　she　congratulated　Shirley　on　generously　giving　her　free　time　…　a　flash　and　a　photograph；　and　the　newspapers　next　day　…　‘the　Queen　chats　to　hospital　volunteer　Mrs　Shirley　Mollison　…’　Sometimes；　when　Shirley　really　concentrated　on　this　imaginary　scene；　an　almost　holy　feeling　came　over　her。

Volunteering　at　the　hospital　had　given　Shirley　a　glittering　new　weapon　with　which　to　whittle　down　Maureen’s　pretentions。　When　Ken’s　widow　had　been　transformed；　Cinderella…like；　from　shop…girl　to　business　partner；　she　had　taken　on　airs　that　Shirley　（though　enduring　it　all　with　a　pussy…cat　smile）　found　infuriating。　But　Shirley　had　retaken　the　higher　ground；　she　worked；　not　for　profit　but　out　of　the　goodness　of　her　heart。　It　was　classy　to　volunteer；　it　was　what　women　did　who　had　no　need　of　extra　cash；　women　like　herself　and　Julia　Fawley。　What　was　more；　the　hospital　gave　Shirley　access　to　a　vast　mine　of　gossip　to　drown　out　Maureen’s　tedious　prattling　about　the　new　café。

This　morning；　Shirley　stated　her　preference　for　ward　twenty…eight　in　a　firm　voice　to　the　volunteer　supervisor；　and　was　duly　sent　off　to　the　oncology　department。　She　had　made　her　only　friend　among　the　nursing　staff　on　ward　twenty…eight；　some　of　the　young　nurses　could　be　curt　and　patronizing　to　the　volunteers；　but　Ruth　Price；　who　had　recently　returned　to　nursing　after　a　break　of　sixteen　years；　had　been　charming　from　the　first。　They　were　both；　as　Shirley　put　it；　Pagford　women；　which　made　a　bond。

（Though；　as　it　happened；　Shirley　was　not　Pagford…born。　She　and　her　younger　sister　had　grown　up　with　their　mother　in　a　cramped　and　untidy　flat　in　Yarvil。　Shirley’s　mother　had　drunk　a　lot；　she　had　never　di