little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第156部分

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always　kept　it　by　me；　to　remind　me：　though　I　wanted　no　reminding。　I　am
not　alone；　you　see。　I　have　brought　an　old　friend　with　me。'

Looking　round；　he　saw　Maggy　in　her　big　cap　which　had　been　long
abandoned；　with　a　basket　on　her　arm　as　in　the　bygone　days；　chuckling
rapturously。

'It　was　only　yesterday　evening　that　I　came　to　London　with　my　brother。
I　sent　round　to　Mrs　Plornish　almost　as　soon　as　we　arrived；　that　I　might
hear　of　you　and　let　you　know　I　had　e。　Then　I　heard　that　you　were
here。　Did　you　happen　to　think　of　me　in　the　night？　I　almost　believe　you
must　have　thought　of　me　a　little。　I　thought　of　you　so　anxiously；　and　it
appeared　so　long　to　morning。'

'I　have　thought　of　you……'　he　hesitated　what　to　call　her。　She　perceived
it　in　an　instant。

'You　have　not　spoken　to　me　by　my　right　name　yet。　You　know　what　my　right
name　always　is　with　you。'

'I　have　thought　of　you；　Little　Dorrit；　every　day；　every　hour；　every
minute；　since　I　have　been　here。'

'Have　you？　Have　you？'

He　saw　the　bright　delight　of　her　face；　and　the　flush　that　kindled　in
it；　with　a　feeling　of　shame。　He；　a　broken；　bankrupt；　sick；　dishonoured
prisoner。

'I　was　here　before　the　gates　were　opened；　but　I　was　afraid　to　e
straight　to　you。　I　should　have　done　you　more　harm　than　good；　at　first；
for　the　prison　was　so　familiar　and　yet　so　strange；　and　it　brought　back
so　many　remembrances　of　my　poor　father；　and　of　you　too；　that　at　first
it　overpowered　me。　But　we　went　to　Mr　Chivery　before　we　came　to　the　gate；
and　he　brought　us　in；　and　got　john's　room　for　us……my　poor　old　room；　you
know……and　we　waited　there　a　little。　I　brought　the　flowers　to　the　door；
but　you　didn't　hear　me。'　She　looked　something　more　womanly　than　when
she　had　gone　away；　and　the　ripening　touch　of　the　Italian　sun　was　visible
upon　her　face。　But；　otherwise；　she　was　quite　unchanged。　The　same　deep；
timid　earnestness　that　he　had　always　seen　in　her；　and　never　without
emotion；　he　saw　still。　If　it　had　a　new　meaning　that　smote　him　to　the
heart；　the　change　was　in　his　perception；　not　in　her。

She　took　off　her　old　bon；　hung　it　in　the　old　place；　and　noiselessly
began；　with　Maggy's　help；　to　make　his　room　as　fresh　and　neat　as　it　could
be　made；　and　to　sprinkle　it　with　a　pleasant…smelling　water。　When　that
was　done；　the　basket；　which　was　filled　with　grapes　and　other　fruit；
was　unpacked；　and　all　its　contents　were　quietly　put　away。　When　that　was
done；　a　moment's　whisper　despatched　Maggy　to　despatch　somebody　else　to
fill　the　basket　again；　which　soon　came　back　replenished　with　new
stores；　from　which　a　present　provision　of　cooling　drink　and　jelly；　and
a　prospective　supply　of　roast　chicken　and　wine　and　water；　were　the　first
extracts。　These　various　arrangements　pleted；　she　took　out　her　old
needle…case　to　make　him　a　curtain　for　his　window；　and　thus；　with　a　quiet
reigning　in　the　room；　that　seemed　to　diffuse　itself　through　the　else
noisy　prison；　he　found　himself　posed　in　his　chair；　with　Little　Dorrit
working　at　his　side。

To　see　the　modest　head　again　bent　down　over　its　task；　and　the　nimble
fingers　busy　at　their　old　work……though　she　was　not　so　absorbed　in　it；
but　that　her　passionate　eyes　were　often　raised　to　his　face；　and；　when
they　drooped　again　had　tears　in　them……to　be　so　consoled　and　forted；
and　to　believe　that　all　the　devotion　of　this　great　nature　was　turned　to
him　in　his　adversity　to　pour　out　its　inexhaustible　wealth　of　goodness
upon　him；　did　not　steady　Clennam's　trembling　voice　or　hand；　or
strengthen　him　in　his　weakness。　Yet　it　inspired　him　with　an　inward
fortitude；　that　rose　with　his　love。　And　how　dearly　he　loved　her　now；
what　words　can　tell！

As　they　sat　side　by　side　in　the　shadow　of　the　wall；　the　shadow　fell　like
light　upon　him。　She　would　not　let　him　speak　much；　and　he　lay　back　in
his　chair；　looking　at　her。　Now　and　again　she　would　rise　and　give　him
the　glass　that　he　might　drink；　or　would　smooth　the　resting…place　of　his
head；　then　she　would　gently　resume　her　seat　by　him；　and　bend　over　her
work　again。

The　shadow　moved　with　the　sun；　but　she　never　moved　from　his　side；　except
to　wait　upon　him。　The　sun　went　down　and　she　was　still　there。　She　had
done　her　work　now；　and　her　hand；　faltering　on　the　arm　of　his　chair　since
its　last　tending　of　him；　was　hesitating　there　yet。　He　laid　his　hand　upon
it；　and　it　clasped　him　with　a　trembling　supplication。

'Dear　Mr　Clennam；　I　must　say　something　to　you　before　I　go。　I　have　put　it
off　from　hour　to　hour；　but　I　must　say　it。'

'I　too；　dear　Little　Dorrit。　I　have　put　off　what　I　must　say。'　She
nervously　moved　her　hand　towards　his　lips　as　if　to　stop　him；　then　it
dropped；　trembling；　into　its　former　place。

'I　am　not　going　abroad　again。　My　brother　is；　but　I　am　not。　He　was　always
attached　to　me；　and　he　is　so　grateful　to　me　now……so　much　too　grateful；
for　it　is　only　because　I　happened　to　be　with　him　in　his　illness……that
he　says　I　shall　be　free　to　stay　where　I　like　best；　and　to　do　what　I　like
best。　He　only　wishes　me　to　be　happy；　he　says。'

There　was　one　bright　star　shining　in　the　sky。　She　looked　up　at　it　While
she　spoke；　as　if　it　were　the　fervent　purpose　of　her　own　heart　shining
above　her。

'You　will　understand；　I　dare　say；　without　my　telling　you；　that　my
brother　has　e　home　to　find　my　dear　father's　will；　and　to　take
possession　of　his　property。　He　says；　if　there　is　a　will；　he　is　sure　I
shall　be　left　rich；　and　if　there　is　none；　that　he　will　make　me　so。'

He　would　have　spoken；　but　she　put　up　her　trembling　hand　again；　and　he
stopped。


'I　have　no　use　for　money；　I　have　no　wish　for　it。　It　would　be　of　no　value
at　all　to　me　but　for　your　sake。　I　could　not　be　rich；　and　you　here。　I
must　always　be　much　worse　than　poor；　with　you　distressed。　Will　you　let
me　lend　you　all　I　have？　Will　you　let　me　give　it　you？　Will　you　let　me
show　you　that　I　have　never　forgotten；　that　I　never　can　forget；　your
protection　of　me　when　this　was　my　home？　Dear　Mr　Clennam；　make　me　of　all
the　world　the　happiest；　by　saying　Yes。　Make　me　as　happy　as　I　can　be　in
leaving　you　here；　by　saying　nothing　to…night；　and　letting　me　go
away　with　the　hope　that　you　will　think　of　it　kindly；　and　that　for　my
sake……not　for　yours；　for　mine；　for　nobody's　but　mine！……you　will　give　me
the　greatest　joy　I　can　experience　on　earth；　the　joy　of　knowing　that　I
have　been　serviceable　to　you；　and　that　I　have　paid　some　little　of　the
great　debt　of　my　affection　and　gratitude。　I　can't　say　what　I　wish　to
say。　I　can't　visit　you　here　where　I　have　lived　so　long；　I　can't　think　of
you　here　where　I　have　seen　so　much；　and　be　as　calm　and　forting　as　I
ought。　My　tears　will　make　their　way。　I　cannot　keep　them　back。　But
pray；　pray；　pray；　do　not　turn　from　your　Little　Dorrit；　now；　in　your
affliction！　Pray；　pray；　pray；　I　beg　you　and　implore　you　with　all　my
grieving　heart；　my　friend……my　dear！……take　all　I　have；　and　make　it　a
Blessing　to　me！'

The　star　had　shone　on　her　face　until　now；　when　her　face　sank　upon　his
hand　and　her　own。

It　had　grown　darker　when　he　raised　her　in　his　encircling　arm；　and　softly
answered　her。

'No；　darling　Little　Dorrit。　No；　my　child。　I　must　not　hear　of　such　a
sacrifice。　Liberty　and　hope　would　be　so　dear；　bought　at　such　a　price；
that　I　could　never　support　their　weight；　never　bear　the　reproach　of
possessing　them。　But　with　what　ardent　thankfulness　and　love　I　say　this；
I　may　call　Heaven　to　witness！'

'And　yet　you　will　not　let　me　be　faithful　to　you　in　your　affliction？'

'Say；　dearest　Little　Dorrit；　and　yet　I　will　try　to　be　faithful　to　you。
If；　in　the　bygone　days　when　this　was　your　home　and　when　this　was　your
dress；　I　had　understood　myself　（I　speak　only　of　myself）　better；　and
had　read　the　secrets　of　my　own　breast　more　distinctly；　if；　through　my
reserve　and　self…mistrust；　I　had　discerned　a　light　that　I　see　brightly
now　when　it　has　passed　far　away；　and　my　weak　footsteps　can　never
overtake　it；　if　I　had　then　known；　and　told　you　that　I　loved　and　honoured
you；　not　as　the　poor　child　I　used　to　call　you；　but　as　a　woman　whose
true　hand　would　raise　me　high　above　myself　and　make　me　a　far　happier　and
better　man；　if　I　had　so　used　the　opportunity　there　is　no　recalling……as
I　wish　I　had；　O　I　wish　I　had！……and　if　something　had　kept　us　apart　then；
when　I　was　moderately　thriving；　and　when　you　were　poor；　I　might　have　met
your　noble　offer　of　your　fortune；　dearest　girl；　with　other　words　than
these；　and　still　have　blushed　to　touch　it。　But；　as　it　is；　I　must　never
touch　it；　never！'

She　besought　him；　more　pathetically　and　earnestly；　with　her　little
supplicatory　hand；　than　she　could　have　done　in　any　words。

'I　am　disgraced　enough；　my　Little　Dorrit。　I　must　not　descend　so　low　as
that；　and　carry　you……so　dear；　so　generous；　so　good……down　with　me。　GOD
bless　you；　GOD　reward　you！　It　is　past。'　He　took　her　in　his　arms；　as　if
she　had　been　his　daughter。

'Always　so　much　older；　so　much　rougher；　and　so　much　less　worthy；　even
what　I　was　must　be　dismissed　by　both　of　us；　and　you　must　see　me　only　as
I　am。　I　put　this　parting　kiss　upon　your　cheek；　my　child……who　might　have
been　more　near　to　me；　who　never　could　have　been　more　dear……a　ruined　man
far　removed　from　you；　for　ever　separated　from　you；　whose　course　is
run　while　yours　is　but　beginning。　I　have　not　the　courage　to　ask　to　be
forgotten　by　you　in　my　humiliation；　but　I　ask　to　be　remembered　only　as　I
am。'

The　bell　began　to　ring；　warning　visitors　to　depart。　He　took　her　mantle
from　the　wall；　and　tenderly　wrapped　it　round　her。

'One　other　word；　my　Little　Dorrit。　A　hard　one　to　me；　but　it　is　a
necessary　one。　The　time　when　you　and　this　prison　had　anything　in　mon
has　long　gone　by。　Do　you　understand？'

'O！　you　will　never　say　to　me；'　she　cried；　weeping　bitterly；　and　holding
up　her　clasped　hands　in　entreaty；　'that　I　am　not　to　e　back　any　more！
You　will　surely　not　desert　me　so！'

'I　would　say　it；　if　I　could；　but　I　have　not　the　courage　quite　to　shut
out　this　dear　face；　and　abandon　all　hope　of　its　return。　But　do　not　e
soon；　do　not　e　often！　This　is　now　a　tainted　place；　and　I　well　know
the　taint　of　it　clings　to　me。　You　belong　to　much　brighter　and　better
scenes。　You　are　not　to　look　back　here；　my　Little　Dorrit；　you　are　to　look
away　to　very　different　and　much　happier　paths。　Again；　GOD　bless　you　in
them！　GOD　reward　you！'

Maggy；　who　had　fallen　into　very　low　spirits；　here　cried；　'Oh　get　him
into　a　hospital；　do　get　him　into　a　hospital；　Mother！　He'll　never　look
like　hisself　again；　if　he　an't　got　into　a　hospital。　And　then　the　little
woman　as　was　always　a　spinning　at　her　wheel；　she　can　go　to　the　cupboard
with　the　Princess；　and　say；　what　do　you　keep　the　Chicking　there　for？　and
then　they　can　take　it　out　and　give　it　to　him；　and　then　all　be　happy！'

The　interruption　was　seasonable；　for　the　bell　had　nearly　rung　itself
out。　Again　tenderly　wrapping　her　mantle　about　her；　and　taking　her　on　his
arm　（though；　but　for　her　visit；　he　was　almost　too　weak　to　walk）；　Arthur
led　Little　Dorrit　down…stairs。　She　was　the　last　visitor　to　pass　out　at
the　Lodge；　and　the　gate　jarred　heavily　and　hopelessly　upon　her。

With　the　funeral　clang　that　it　sounded　into　Arthur's　heart；　his　sense　of
weakness　returned。　It　was　a　toilsome　journey　up…stairs　to　his　room；　and
he　re…entered　its　dark　solitary　precincts　in　unutterable　misery。

When　it　was　almost　midnight；　and　the　prison　had　long