简爱(英文版)-第56部分

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！　She　did　not　exist：　she　would　not　be　born　till　to…morrow；　some　time　after　eight　o’clock　a。m。；　and　I　would　wait　to　be　assured　she　had　e　into　the　world　alive　before　I　assigned　to　her　all　that　property。　It　was　enough　that　in　yonder　closet；　opposite　my　dressing…table；　garments　said　to　be　hers　had　already　displaced　my　black　stuff　Lowood　frock　and　straw　bon：　for　not　to　me　appertained　that　suit　of　wedding　raiment；　the　pearl…coloured　robe；　the　vapoury　veil　pendent　from　the　usurped　portmanteau。　I　shut　the　closet　to　conceal　the　strange；　wraith…like　apparel　it　contained；　which；　at　this　evening　hour—nine　o’clock—　gave　out　certainly　a　most　ghostly　shimmer　through　the　shadow　of　my　apartment。　“I　will　leave　you　by　yourself；　white　dream；”　I　said。　“I　am　feverish：　I　hear　the　wind　blowing：　I　will　go　out　of　doors　and　feel　it。”
It　was　not　only　the　hurry　of　preparation　that　made　me　feverish；　not　only　the　anticipation　of　the　great　change—the　new　life　which　was　to　mence　to…morrow：　both　these　circumstances　had　their　share；　doubtless；　in　producing　that　restless；　excited　mood　which　hurried　me　forth　at　this　late　hour　into　the　darkening　grounds：　but　a　third　cause　influenced　my　mind　more　than　they。
I　had　at　heart　a　strange　and　anxious　thought。　Something　had　happened　which　I　could　not　prehend；　no　one　knew　of　or　had　seen　the　event　but　myself：　it　had　taken　place　the　preceding　night。　Mr。　Rochester　that　night　was　absent　from　home；　nor　was　he　yet　returned：　business　had　called　him　to　a　small　estate　of　two　or　three　farms　he　possessed　thirty　miles　off—business　it　was　requisite　he　should　settle　in　person；　previous　to　his　meditated　departure　from　England。　I　waited　now　his　return；　eager　to　disburthen　my　mind；　and　to　seek　of　him　the　solution　of　the　enigma　that　perplexed　me。　Stay　till　he　es；　reader；　and；　when　I　disclose　my　secret　to　him；　you　shall　share　the　confidence。
I　sought　the　orchard；　driven　to　its　shelter　by　the　wind；　which　all　day　had　blown　strong　and　full　from　the　south；　without；　however；　bringing　a　speck　of　rain。　Instead　of　subsiding　as　night　drew　on；　it　seemed　to　augment　its　rush　and　deepen　its　roar：　the　trees　blew　steadfastly　one　way；　never　writhing　round；　and　scarcely　tossing　back　their　boughs　once　in　an　hour；　so　continuous　was　the　strain　bending　their　branchy　heads　northward—the　clouds　drifted　from　pole　to　pole；　fast　following；　mass　on　mass：　no　glimpse　of　blue　sky　had　been　visible　that　July　day。
It　was　not　without　a　certain　wild　pleasure　I　ran　before　the　wind；　delivering　my　trouble　of　mind　to　the　measureless　air…torrent　thundering　through　space。　Descending　the　laurel　walk；　I　faced　the　wreck　of　the　chestnut…tree；　it　stood　up　black　and　riven：　the　trunk；　split　down　the　centre；　gasped　ghastly。　The　cloven　halves　were　not　broken　from　each　other；　for　the　firm　base　and　strong　roots　kept　them　unsundered　below；　though　munity　of　vitality　was　destroyed—the　sap　could　flow　no　more：　their　great　boughs　on　each　side　were　dead；　and　next　winter’s　tempests　would　be　sure　to　fell　one　or　both　to　earth：　as　yet；　however；　they　might　be　said　to　form　one　tree—a　ruin；　but　an　entire　ruin。
“You　did　right　to　hold　fast　to　each　other；”　I　said：　as　if　the　monster…splinters　were　living　things；　and　could　hear　me。　“I　think；　scathed　as　you　look；　and　charred　and　scorched；　there　must　be　a　little　sense　of　life　in　you　yet；　rising　out　of　that　adhesion　at　the　faithful；　honest　roots：　you　will　never　have　green　leaves　more—　never　more　see　birds　making　nests　and　singing　idyls　in　your　boughs；　the　time　of　pleasure　and　love　is　over　with　you：　but　you　are　not　desolate：　each　of　you　has　a　rade　to　sympathise　with　him　in　his　decay。”　As　I　looked　up　at　them；　the　moon　appeared　momentarily　in　that　part　of　the　sky　which　filled　their　fissure；　her　disk　was　blood…　red　and　half　overcast；　she　seemed　to　throw　on　me　one　bewildered；　dreary　glance；　and　buried　herself　again　instantly　in　the　deep　drift　of　cloud。　The　wind　fell；　for　a　second；　round　Thornfield；　but　far　away　over　wood　and　water；　poured　a　wild；　melancholy　wail：　it　was　sad　to　listen　to；　and　I　ran　off　again。
Here　and　there　I　strayed　through　the　orchard；　gathered　up　the　apples　with　which　the　grass　round　the　tree　roots　was　thickly　strewn；　then　I　employed　myself　in　dividing　the　ripe　from　the　unripe；　I　carried　them　into　the　house　and　put　them　away　in　the　store…room。　Then　I　repaired　to　the　library　to　ascertain　whether　the　fire　was　lit；　for；　though　summer；　I　knew　on　such　a　gloomy　evening　Mr。　Rochester　would　like　to　see　a　cheerful　hearth　when　he　came　in：　yes；　the　fire　had　been　kindled　some　time；　and　burnt　well。　I　placed　his　arm…chair　by　the　chimney…corner：　I　wheeled　the　table　near　it：　I　let　down　the　curtain；　and　had　the　candles　brought　in　ready　for　lighting。　More　restless　than　ever；　when　I　had　pleted　these　arrangements　I　could　not　sit　still；　nor　even　remain　in　the　house：　a　little　time…piece　in　the　room　and　the　old　clock　in　the　hall　simultaneously　struck　ten。
“How　late　it　grows！”　I　said。　“I　will　run　down　to　the　gates：　it　is　moonlight　at　intervals；　I　can　see　a　good　way　on　the　road。　He　may　be　ing　now；　and　to　meet　him　will　save　some　minutes　of　suspense。”
The　wind　roared　high　in　the　great　trees　which　embowered　the　gates；　but　the　road　as　far　as　I　could　see；　to　the　right　hand　and　the　left；　was　all　still　and　solitary：　save　for　the　shadows　of　clouds　crossing　it　at　intervals　as　the　moon　looked　out；　it　was　but　a　long　pale　line；　unvaried　by　one　moving　speck。
A　puerile　tear　dimmed　my　eye　while　I　looked—a　tear　of　disappointment　and　impatience；　ashamed　of　it；　I　wiped　it　away。　I　lingered；　the　moon　shut　herself　wholly　within　her　chamber；　and　drew　close　her　curtain　of　dense　cloud：　the　night　grew　dark；　rain　came　driving　fast　on　the　gale。
“I　wish　he　would　e！　I　wish　he　would　e！”　I　exclaimed；　seized　with　hypochondriac　foreboding。　I　had　expected　his　arrival　before　tea；　now　it　was　dark：　what　could　keep　him？　Had　an　accident　happened？　The　event　of　last　night　again　recurred　to　me。　I　interpreted　it　as　a　warning　of　disaster。　I　feared　my　hopes　were　too　bright　to　be　realised；　and　I　had　enjoyed　so　much　bliss　lately　that　I　imagined　my　fortune　had　passed　its　meridian；　and　must　now　decline。
“Well；　I　cannot　return　to　the　house；”　I　thought；　“I　cannot　sit　by　the　fireside；　while　he　is　abroad　in　inclement　weather：　better　tire　my　limbs　than　strain　my　heart；　I　will　go　forward　and　meet　him。”
I　set　out；　I　walked　fast；　but　not　far：　ere　I　had　measured　a　quarter　of　a　mile；　I　heard　the　tramp　of　hoofs；　a　horseman　came　on；　full　gallop；　a　dog　ran　by　his　side。　Away　with　evil　presentiment！　It　was　he：　here　he　was；　mounted　on　Mesrour；　followed　by　Pilot。　He　saw　me；　for　the　moon　had　opened　a　blue　field　in　the　sky；　and　rode　in　it　watery　bright：　he　took　his　hat　off；　and　waved　it　round　his　head。　I　now　ran　to　meet　him。
“There！”　he　exclaimed；　as　he　stretched　out　his　hand　and　bent　from　the　saddle：　“You　can’t　do　without　me；　that　is　evident。　Step　on　my　boot…toe；　give　me　both　hands：　mount！”
I　obeyed：　joy　made　me　agile：　I　sprang　up　before　him。　A　hearty　kissing　I　got　for　a　wele；　and　some　boastful　triumph；　which　I　swallowed　as　well　as　I　could。　He　checked　himself　in　his　exultation　to　demand；　“But　is　there　anything　the　matter；　Ja；　that　you　e　to　meet　me　at　such　an　hour？　Is　there　anything　wrong？”
“No；　but　I　thought　you　would　never　e。　I　could　not　bear　to　wait　in　the　house　for　you；　especially　with　this　rain　and　wind。”
“Rain　and　wind；　indeed！　Yes；　you　are　dripping　like　a　mermaid；　pull　my　cloak　round　you：　but　I　think　you　are　feverish；　Jane：　both　your　cheek　and　hand　are　burning　hot。　I　ask　again；　is　there　anything　the　matter？
“Nothing　now；　I　am　neither　afraid　nor　unhappy。”
“Then　you　have　been　both？”
“Rather：　but　I’ll　tell　you　all　about　it　by…and…bye；　sir；　and　I　daresay　you　will　only　laugh　at　me　for　my　pains。”
“I’ll　laugh　at　you　heartily　when　to…morrow　is　past；　till　then　I　dare　not：　my　prize　is　not　certain。　This　is　you；　who　have　been　as　slippery　as　an　eel　this　last　month；　and　as　thorny　as　a　briar…rose？　I　could　not　lay　a　finger　anywhere　but　I　was　pricked；　and　now　I　seem　to　have　gathered　up　a　stray　lamb　in　my　arms。　You　wandered　out　of　the　fold　to　seek　your　shepherd；　did　you；　Jane？”
“I　wanted　you：　but　don’t　boast。　Here　we　are　at　Thornfield：　now　let　me　get　down。”
He　landed　me　on　the　pavement。　As　John　took　his　horse；　and　he　followed　me　into　the　hall；　he　told　me　to　make　haste　and　put　something　dry　on；　and　then　return　to　him　in　the　library；　and　he　stopped　me；　as　I　made　for　the　staircase；　to　extort　a　promise　that　I　would　not　be　long：　nor　was　I　long；　in　five　minutes　I　rejoined　him。　I　found　him　at　supper。
“Take　a　seat　and　bear　me　pany；　Jane：　please　God；　it　is　the　last　meal　but　one　you　will　eat　at　Thornfield　Hall　for　a　long　time。”
I　sat　down　near　him；　but　told　him　I　could　not　eat。　“Is　it　because　you　have　the　prospect　of　a　journey　before　you；　Jane？　Is　it　the　thoughts　of　going　to　London　that　takes　away　your　appetite？”
“I　cannot　see　my　prospects　clearly　to…night；　sir；　and　I　hardly　know　what　thoughts　I　have　in　my　head。　Everything　in　life　seems　unreal。”
“Except　me：　I　am　substantial　enough—touch　me。”
“You；　sir；　are　the　most　phantom…like　of　all：　you　are　a　mere　dream。”
He　held　out　his　hand；　laughing。　“Is　that　a　dream？”　said　he；　placing　it　close　to　my　eyes。　He　had　a　rounded；　muscular；　and　vigorous　hand；　as　well　as　a　long；　strong　arm。
“Yes；　though　I　touch　it；　it　is　a　dream；”　said　I；　as　I　put　it　down　from　before　my　face。　“Sir；　have　you　finished　supper？”
“Yes；　Jane。”
I　rang　the　bell　and　ordered　away　the　tray。　When　we　were　again　alone；　I　stirred　the　fire；　and　then　took　a　low　seat　at　my　master’s　knee。
“It　is　near　midnight；”　I　said。
“Yes：　but　remember；　Jane；　you　promised　to　wake　with　me　the　night　before　my　wedding。”
“I　did；　and　I　will　keep　my　promise；　for　an　hour　or　two　at　least：　I　have　no　wish　to　go　to　bed。”
“Are　all　your　arrangements　plete？”
“All；　sir。”
“And　on　my　part　likewise；”　he　returned；　“I　have　settled　everything；　and　we　shall　leave　Thornfield　to…morrow；　within　half…an…hour　after　our　return　from　church。”
“Very　well；　sir。”
“With　what　an　extraordinary　smile　you　uttered　that　word—‘very　well；’　Jane！　What　a　bright　spot　of　colour　you　have　on　each　cheek！　and　how　strangely　your　eyes　glitter！　Are　you　well？”
“I　believe　I　am。”
“Believe！　What　is　the　matter？　Tell　me　what　you　feel。”
“I　could　not；　sir：　no　words　could　tell　you　what　I　feel。　I　wish　this　present　hour　would　never　end：　who　knows　with　what　fate　the　next　may　e　charged？”
“This　is　hypochondria；　Jane。　You　have　been　over…excited；　or　over…　fatigued。”
“Do　you；　sir；　feel　calm　and　happy？”
“Calm？—no：　but　happy—to　the　heart’s　core。”
I　looked　up　at　him　to　read　the　signs　of　bliss　in　his　face：　it　was　ardent　and　flushed。
“Give　me　your　confidence；　Jane；”　he　said：　“relieve　your　mind　of　any　weight　that　oppresses　it；　by　imparting　it　to　me。　What　do　you　fear？—that　I　shall　not　prove　a　good　husband？”
“It　is　the　idea　farthest　from　my　thoughts。”
“Are　you　apprehensive　of　the　new　sphere　you　are　about　to　enter？—of　the　new　life　into　which　you　are　passing？”
“No。”
“You　puzzle　me；　Jane：　your　look　and　tone　of　sorrowful　audacity　perplex　and　pain　me。　I　want　an　explanation。”
“Then；　sir；　listen。　You　were　from　home　last　night？”
“I　was：　I　know　that；　and　you　hinted　a　while　ago　at　something　which　had　happened　in