简爱(英文版)-第55部分

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“And　what　will　you　do；　Ja；　while　I　am　bargaining　for　so　many　tons　of　flesh　and　such　an　assortment　of　black　eyes？”
“I’ll　be　preparing　myself　to　go　out　as　a　missionary　to　preach　liberty　to　them　that　are　enslaved—your　harem　inmates　amongst　the　rest。　I’ll　get　admitted　there；　and　I’ll　stir　up　mutiny；　and　you；　three…tailed　bashaw　as　you　are；　sir；　shall　in　a　trice　find　yourself　fettered　amongst　our　hands：　nor　will　I；　for　one；　consent　to　cut　your　bonds　till　you　have　signed　a　charter；　the　most　liberal　that　despot　ever　yet　conferred。”
“I　would　consent　to　be　at　your　mercy；　Jane。”
“I　would　have　no　mercy；　Mr。　Rochester；　if　you　supplicated　for　it　with　an　eye　like　that。　While　you　looked　so；　I　should　be　certain　that　whatever　charter　you　might　grant　under　coercion；　your　first　act；　when　released；　would　be　to　violate　its　conditions。”
“Why；　Jane；　what　would　you　have？　I　fear　you　will　pel　me　to　go　through　a　private　marriage　ceremony；　besides　that　performed　at　the　altar。　You　will　stipulate；　I　see；　for　peculiar　terms—what　will　they　be？”
“I　only　want　an　easy　mind；　sir；　not　crushed　by　crowded　obligations。　Do　you　remember　what　you　said　of　Céline　Varens？—of　the　diamonds；　the　cashmeres　you　gave　her？　I　will　not　be　your　English　Céline　Varens。　I　shall　continue　to　act　as　Adèle’s　governess；　by　that　I　shall　earn　my　board　and　lodging；　and　thirty　pounds　a　year　besides。　I’ll　furnish　my　own　wardrobe　out　of　that　money；　and　you　shall　give　me　nothing　but—”
“Well；　but　what？”
“Your　regard；　and　if　I　give　you　mine　in　return；　that　debt　will　be　quit。”
“Well；　for　cool　native　impudence　and　pure　innate　pride；　you　haven’t　your　equal；”　said　he。　We　were　now　approaching　Thornfield。　“Will　it　please　you　to　dine　with　me　to…day？”　he　asked；　as　we　re…entered　the　gates。
“No；　thank　you；　sir。”
“And　what　for；　‘no；　thank　you？’　if　one　may　inquire。”
“I　never　have　dined　with　you；　sir：　and　I　see　no　reason　why　I　should　now：　till—”
“Till　what？　You　delight　in　half…phrases。”
“Till　I　can’t　help　it。”
“Do　you　suppose　I　eat　like　an　ogre　or　a　ghoul；　that　you　dread　being　the　panion　of　my　repast？”
“I　have　formed　no　supposition　on　the　subject；　sir；　but　I　want　to　go　on　as　usual　for　another　month。”
“You　will　give　up　your　governessing　slavery　at　once。”
“Indeed；　begging　your　pardon；　sir；　I　shall　not。　I　shall　just　go　on　with　it　as　usual。　I　shall　keep　out　of　your　way　all　day；　as　I　have　been　accustomed　to　do：　you　may　send　for　me　in　the　evening；　when　you　feel　disposed　to　see　me；　and　I’ll　e　then；　but　at　no　other　time。”
“I　want　a　smoke；　Jane；　or　a　pinch　of　snuff；　to　fort　me　under　all　this；　‘pour　me　donner　une　contenance；’　as　Adèle　would　say；　and　unfortunately　I　have　neither　my　cigar…case；　nor　my　snuff…box。　But　listen—whisper。　It　is　your　time　now；　little　tyrant；　but　it　will　be　mine　presently；　and　when　once　I　have　fairly　seized　you；　to　have　and　to　hold；　I’ll　just—figuratively　speaking—attach　you　to　a　chain　like　this”　（touching　his　watch…guard）。　“Yes；　bonny　wee　thing；　I’ll　wear　you　in　my　bosom；　lest　my　jewel　I　should　tyne。”
He　said　this　as　he　helped　me　to　alight　from　the　carriage；　and　while　he　afterwards　lifted　out　Adèle；　I　entered　the　house；　and　made　good　my　retreat　upstairs。
He　duly　summoned　me　to　his　presence　in　the　evening。　I　had　prepared　an　occupation　for　him；　for　I　was　determined　not　to　spend　the　whole　time　in　a　tête…à…tête　conversation。　I　remembered　his　fine　voice；　I　knew　he　liked　to　sing—good　singers　generally　do。　I　was　no　vocalist　myself；　and；　in　his　fastidious　judgment；　no　musician；　either；　but　I　delighted　in　listening　when　the　performance　was　good。　No　sooner　had　twilight；　that　hour　of　romance；　began　to　lower　her　blue　and　starry　banner　over　the　lattice；　than　I　rose；　opened　the　piano；　and　entreated　him；　for　the　love　of　heaven；　to　give　me　a　song。　He　said　I　was　a　capricious　witch；　and　that　he　would　rather　sing　another　time；　but　I　averred　that　no　time　was　like　the　present。
“Did　I　like　his　voice？”　he　asked。
“Very　much。”　I　was　not　fond　of　pampering　that　susceptible　vanity　of　his；　but　for　once；　and　from　motives　of　expediency；　I　would　e’en　soothe　and　stimulate　it。
“Then；　Jane；　you　must　play　the　acpaniment。”
“Very　well；　sir；　I　will　try。”
I　did　try；　but　was　presently　swept　off　the　stool　and　denominated　“a　little　bungler。”　Being　pushed　unceremoniously　to　one　side—which　was　precisely　what　I　wished—he　usurped　my　place；　and　proceeded　to　acpany　himself：　for　he　could　play　as　well　as　sing。　I　hied　me　to　the　window…recess。　And　while　I　sat　there　and　looked　out　on　the　still　trees　and　dim　lawn；　to　a　sweet　air　was　sung　in　mellow　tones　the　following　strain：—
“The　truest　love　that　ever　heart
Felt　at　its　kindled　core；
Did　through　each　vein；　in　quickened　start；
The　tide　of　being　pour。
Her　ing　was　my　hope　each　day；
Her　parting　was　my　pain；
The　chance　that　did　her　steps　delay
Was　ice　in　every　vein。
I　dreamed　it　would　be　nameless　bliss；
As　I　loved；　loved　to　be；
And　to　this　object　did　I　press
As　blind　as　eagerly。
But　wide　as　pathless　was　the　space
That　lay　our　lives　between；
And　dangerous　as　the　foamy　race
Of　ocean…surges　green。
And　haunted　as　a　robber…path
Through　wilderness　or　wood；
For　Might　and　Right；　and　Woe　and　Wrath；
Between　our　spirits　stood。
I　dangers　dared；　I　hindrance　scorned；
I　omens　did　defy：
Whatever　menaced；　harassed；　warned；
I　passed　impetuous　by。
On　sped　my　rainbow；　fast　as　light；
I　flew　as　in　a　dream；
For　glorious　rose　upon　my　sight
That　child　of　Shower　and　Gleam。
Still　bright　on　clouds　of　suffering　dim
Shines　that　soft；　solemn　joy；
Nor　care　I　now；　how　dense　and　grim
Disasters　gather　nigh。
I　care　not　in　this　moment　sweet；
Though　all　I　have　rushed　o’er
Should　e　on　pinion；　strong　and　fleet；
Proclaiming　vengeance　sore：
Though　haughty　Hate　should　strike　me　down；
Right；　bar　approach　to　me；
And　grinding　Might；　with　furious　frown；
Swear　endless　enmity。
My　love　has　placed　her　little　hand
With　noble　faith　in　mine；
And　vowed　that　wedlock’s　sacred　band
Our　nature　shall　entwine。
My　love　has　sworn；　with　sealing　kiss；
With　me　to　live—to　die；
I　have　at　last　my　nameless　bliss。
As　I　love—loved　am　I！”
He　rose　and　came　towards　me；　and　I　saw　his　face　all　kindled；　and　his　full　falcon…eye　flashing；　and　tenderness　and　passion　in　every　lineament。　I　quailed　momentarily—then　I　rallied。　Soft　scene；　daring　demonstration；　I　would　not　have；　and　I　stood　in　peril　of　both：　a　weapon　of　defence　must　be　prepared—I　whetted　my　tongue：　as　he　reached　me；　I　asked　with　asperity；　“whom　he　was　going　to　marry　now？”
“That　was　a　strange　question　to　be　put　by　his　darling　Jane。”
“Indeed！　I　considered　it　a　very　natural　and　necessary　one：　he　had　talked　of　his　future　wife　dying　with　him。　What　did　he　mean　by　such　a　pagan　idea？　I　had　no　intention　of　dying　with　him—he　might　depend　on　that。”
“Oh；　all　he　longed；　all　he　prayed　for；　was　that　I　might　live　with　him！　Death　was　not　for　such　as　I。”
“Indeed　it　was：　I　had　as　good　a　right　to　die　when　my　time　came　as　he　had：　but　I　should　bide　that　time；　and　not　be　hurried　away　in　a　suttee。”
“Would　I　forgive　him　for　the　selfish　idea；　and　prove　my　pardon　by　a　reconciling　kiss？”
“No：　I　would　rather　be　excused。”
Here　I　heard　myself　apostrophised　as　a　“hard　little　thing；”　and　it　was　added；　“any　other　woman　would　have　been　melted　to　marrow　at　hearing　such　stanzas　crooned　in　her　praise。”
I　assured　him　I　was　naturally　hard—very　flinty；　and　that　he　would　often　find　me　so；　and　that；　moreover；　I　was　determined　to　show　him　divers　rugged　points　in　my　character　before　the　ensuing　four　weeks　elapsed：　he　should　know　fully　what　sort　of　a　bargain　he　had　made；　while　there　was　yet　time　to　rescind　it。
“Would　I　be　quiet　and　talk　rationally？”
“I　would　be　quiet　if　he　liked；　and　as　to　talking　rationally；　I　flattered　myself　I　was　doing　that　now。”
He　fretted；　pished；　and　pshawed。　“Very　good；”　I　thought；　“you　may　fume　and　fidget　as　you　please：　but　this　is　the　best　plan　to　pursue　with　you；　I　am　certain。　I　like　you　more　than　I　can　say；　but　I’ll　not　sink　into　a　bathos　of　sentiment：　and　with　this　needle　of　repartee　I’ll　keep　you　from　the　edge　of　the　gulf　too；　and；　moreover；　maintain　by　its　pungent　aid　that　distance　between　you　and　myself　most　conducive　to　our　real　mutual　advantage。”
From　less　to　more；　I　worked　him　up　to　considerable　irritation；　then；　after　he　had　retired；　in　dudgeon；　quite　to　the　other　end　of　the　room；　I　got　up；　and　saying；　“I　wish　you　good…night；　sir；”　in　my　natural　and　wonted　respectful　manner；　I　slipped　out　by　the　side…door　and　got　away。
The　system　thus　entered　on；　I　pursued　during　the　whole　season　of　probation；　and　with　the　best　success。　He　was　kept；　to　be　sure；　rather　cross　and　crusty；　but　on　the　whole　I　could　see　he　was　excellently　entertained；　and　that　a　lamb…like　submission　and　turtle…　dove　sensibility；　while　fostering　his　despotism　more；　would　have　pleased　his　judgment；　satisfied　his　mon…sense；　and　even　suited　his　taste　less。
In　other　people’s　presence　I　was；　as　formerly；　deferential　and　quiet；　any　other　line　of　conduct　being　uncalled　for：　it　was　only　in　the　evening　conferences　I　thus　thwarted　and　afflicted　him。　He　continued　to　send　for　me　punctually　the　moment　the　clock　struck　seven；　though　when　I　appeared　before　him　now；　he　had　no　such　honeyed　terms　as　“love”　and　“darling”　on　his　lips：　the　best　words　at　my　service　were　“provoking　puppet；”　“malicious　elf；”　“sprite；”　“changeling；”　&c。　For　caresses；　too；　I　now　got　grimaces；　for　a　pressure　of　the　hand；　a　pinch　on　the　arm；　for　a　kiss　on　the　cheek；　a　severe　tweak　of　the　ear。　It　was　all　right：　at　present　I　decidedly　preferred　these　fierce　favours　to　anything　more　tender。　Mrs。　Fairfax；　I　saw；　approved　me：　her　anxiety　on　my　account　vanished；　therefore　I　was　certain　I　did　well。　Meantime；　Mr。　Rochester　affirmed　I　was　wearing　him　to　skin　and　bone；　and　threatened　awful　vengeance　for　my　present　conduct　at　some　period　fast　ing。　I　laughed　in　my　sleeve　at　his　menaces。　“I　can　keep　you　in　reasonable　check　now；”　I　reflected；　“and　I　don’t　doubt　to　be　able　to　do　it　hereafter：　if　one　expedient　loses　its　virtue；　another　must　be　devised。”
Yet　after　all　my　task　was　not　an　easy　one；　often　I　would　rather　have　pleased　than　teased　him。　My　future　husband　was　being　to　me　my　whole　world；　and　more　than　the　world：　almost　my　hope　of　heaven。　He　stood　between　me　and　every　thought　of　religion；　as　an　eclipse　intervenes　between　man　and　the　broad　sun。　I　could　not；　in　those　days；　see　God　for　His　creature：　of　whom　I　had　made　an　idol。
Chapter　25
The　month　of　courtship　had　wasted：　its　very　last　hours　were　being　numbered。　There　was　no　putting　off　the　day　that　advanced—the　bridal　day；　and　all　preparations　for　its　arrival　were　plete。　I；　at　least；　had　nothing　more　to　do：　there　were　my　trunks；　packed；　locked；　corded；　ranged　in　a　row　along　the　wall　of　my　little　chamber；　to…morrow；　at　this　time；　they　would　be　far　on　their　road　to　London：　and　so　should　I　（D。V。）；—or　rather；　not　I；　but　one　Jane　Rochester；　a　person　whom　as　yet　I　knew　not。　The　cards　of　address　alone　remained　to　nail　on：　they　lay；　four　little　squares；　in　the　drawer。　Mr。　Rochester　had　himself　written　the　direction；　“Mrs。　Rochester；—　Hotel；　London；”　on　each：　I　could　not　persuade　myself　to　affix　them；　or　to　have　them　affixed。　Mrs。　Rochester！　She　did　not　exist：　she　would