the notebook-恋恋笔记本(英文版)-第3部分

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what　they　would　think　of　her　behaviour。　No　doubt　they　would　disapprove；　especially　her　mother。　Her　mother　had　never　really　accepted　what　had　happened　the　summer　they’d　spent　here　and　wouldn’t　accept　it　now；　no　matter　what　reason　she　gave。

She　soaked　a　while　longer　in　the　bath　before　finally　getting　out　and　towelling　off。　She　went　to　the　closet　and　looked　for　a　dress；　finally　choosing　a　long　yellow　one　that　dipped　slightly　in　the　front；　the　kind　that　was　mon　in　the　South。　She　slipped　it　on　and　looked　in　the　mirror；　turning　from　side　to　side。　It　fitted　her　well；　but　she　eventually　decided　against　it　and　put　it　back　on　the　hanger。　Instead　she　found　a　more　casual；　less　revealing　dress　and　put　that　on。　Light　blue　with　a　touch　of　lace；　it　buttoned　up　at　the　front；　and　though　it　didn’t　look　quite　as　nice　as　the　first　one；　it　conveyed　an　image　she　thought　would　be　more　appropriate。

She　wore　little　make…up；　just　a　touch　of　eye　shadow　and　mas…cara　to　accent　her　eyes。　Perfume　next；　not　too　much。　She　found　a　pair　of　small　hooped　earrings；　put　those　on；　then　slipped　on　the　tan；　low…heeled　sandals　she　had　been　wearing　earlier。　She　brushed　her　blonde　hair；　pinned　it　up　and　looked　in　the　mirror。　No；　it　was　too　much；　she　thought；　and　she　let　it　back　down。　Better。

When　she　was　finished　she　stepped　back　and　evaluated　herself。　She　looked　good：　not　too　dressy；　not　too　casual。　She　didn’t　want　to　overdo　it。　After　all；　she　didn’t　know　what　to　expect。　It　had　been　a　long　time—probably　too　long—and　many　different　things　could　have　happened；　even　things　she　didn’t　want　to　consider。

　She　looked　down　and　saw　her　hands　were　shaking；　and　she　laughed　to　herself。　It　was　strange；　she　wasn’t　normally　this　nervous。

She　found　her　handbag　and　car　keys；　then　picked　up　the　room　key。　She　turned　it　over　in　her　hand　a　couple　of　times；　thinking　…　You’ve　e　this　far；　don’t　give　up　now。　She　nearly　left　then；　but　instead　sat　on　the　bed　again。　She　checked　her　watch。　Almost　six　o’clock。　She　knew　she　had　to　leave　in　a　few　minutes—she　didn’t　want　to　arrive　after　dark—but　she　needed　a　little　more　time。

“Damn；”　she　whispered。　“What　am　I　doing　here？　I　shouldn’t　be　here。　There’s　no　reason　for　it。”　But　once　she　said　it　she　knew　it　wasn’t　true。　If　nothing　else；　she　would　have　her　answer。

She　opened　her　handbag　and　thumbed　through　it　until　she　came　to　a　folded…up　piece　of　newspaper。　After　taking　it　out　slowly；　almost　reverently；　she　unfolded　it　and　stared　at　it　for　a　while。　“This　is　why；”　she　finally　said　to　herself；　“this　is　what　it’s　all　about。”

NOAH　GOT　UP　at　five　and　kayaked　for　an　hour　up　Brices　Creek；　as　he　usually　did。　When　he　finished　he　changed　into　his　work　clothes；　warmed　some　bread　rolls　from　the　day　before；　grabbed　a　couple　of　apples　and　washed　his　breakfast　down　with　two　cups　of　Coffee。

He　worked　on　the　fencing　again；　repairing　the　posts。　It　was　an　Indian　summer；　the　temperature　over　eighty　degrees；　and　by　lunchtime　he　was　hot　and　tired　and　glad　of　the　break。

He　ate　at　the　creek　because　the　mullets　were　jumping。　He　liked　to　watch　them　jump　three　or　four　limes　and　glide　through　the　air　before　vanishing　into　the　brackish　water。　For　some　reason　he　had　always　been　pleased　by　the　fact　that　their　instinct　hadn’t　changed　for　thousands；　maybe　tens　of　thousands；　of　years。

Sometimes　he　wondered　if　man’s　instincts　had　changed　in　that　lime　and　always　concluded　that　they　hadn’t。　At　least　in　the　basic；　most　primal　ways。　As　far　as　he　could　tell；　man　had　always　been　aggressive；　always　striving　to　dominate；　trying　to　control　the　world　and　everything　in　it。　The　war　in　Europe　and　Japan　proved　that。

He　stopped　working　a　little　after　three　and　walked　to　a　small　shed　that　sat　near　his　dock。　He　went　in；　found　his　Fishing　pole；　a　couple　of　lures　and　some　live　crickets　he　kept　on　hand；　then　walked　out　to　the　dock；　baited　his　hook　and　cast　his　line。

Fishing　always　made　him　reflect　on　his　life；　and　he　did　so　now。　After　his　mother　died　he　could　remember　spending　his　days　in　a　dozen　different　Homes。　For　one　reason　or　another；　he　stuttered　badly　as　a　child　and　was　teased　for　it。　He　began　to　speak　less　and　less；　and　by　the　age　of　five　he　wouldn’t　speak　at　all。　When　he　started　classes；　his　teachers　thought　he　was　retarded　and　re…mended　that　he　be　pulled　out　of　school。

Instead；　his　father　took　matters　into　his　own　hands。　He　kept　him　in　school　and　afterwards　made　him　e　to　the　timber　yard　where　he　worked；　to　haul　and　stack　wood。　“It’s　good　that　we　spend　some　time　together；”　he　would　say　as　they　worked　side…by…side；　“just　like　my　daddy　and　I　did。”

His　father　would　talk　about　animals　or　tell　stories　and　legends　mon　to　North　Carolina。　Within　a　few　months　Noah　was　speak…ing　again；　though　not　well；　and　his　father　decided　to　teach　him　to　read　with　books　of　poetry。　“Learn　to　read　this　aloud　and　you’ll　be　able　to　say　anything　you　want　to。”　His　father　had　been　right　again；　and　by　the　following　year　Noah　had　lost　his　stutter。　But　he　contin…ued　to　go　to　the　timber　yard　every　day　simply　because　his　father　was　there；　and　in　the　evenings　he　would　read　the　works　of　Whit…man　and　Tennyson　aloud　as　his　father　rocked　beside　him。　He　had　been　reading　poetry　ever　since。

When　he　got　a　little　older　he　spent　most　of　his　weekends　and　vacations　alone。　He　explored　the　Croatan　forest　in　his　first　canoe；　following　Brices　Creek　for　twenty　miles　until　he　could　go　no　fur…ther；　then　hiked　the　remaining　miles　to　the　coast。　Camping　and　exploring　became　his　passion；　and　he　spent　hours　in　the　forest；　whistling　quietly　and　playing　his　guitar　for　beavers　and　geese　and　wild　blue　herons。　Poets　knew　that　isolation　in　nature；　far　from　people　and　things　man…made；　was　good　for　the　soul；　and　he’d　always　identified　with　poets。

Although　he　was　quiet；　years　of　heavy　lifting　at　the　timber　yard　helped　him　excel　in　sports；　and　his　athletic　success　led　to　popularity。　He　enjoyed　the　football　and　track　meets；　and；　though　most　of　his　teammates　spent　their　free　time　together　as　well；　he　rarely　joined　them。　He　had　a　few　girlfriends　in　school　but　none　had　ever　made　an　impression　on　him。　Except　for　one。　And　she　came　after　graduation。

Allie。　His　Allie。

He　remembered　talking　to　Fin　about　Allie　after　they　left　the　festival　that　first　night；　and　Fin　had　laughed。　Then　he’d　made　two　predictions：　first　that　they　would　fall　in　love；　and　second　that　it　wouldn’t　work　out。

There　was　a　slight　tug　at　his　line　and　Noah　hoped　for　a　large…mouth　bass；　but　the　tugging　eventually　stopped　and；　after　reeling　his　line　in　and　checking　the　bait；　he　cast　again。

Fin　ended　up　being　right　on　both　counts。　Most　of　the　summer　she　had　to　make　excuses　to　her　parents　whenever　they　wanted　to　see　each　other。　It　wasn’t　that　they　didn’t　like　him—it　was　that　he　was　from　a　different　class；　too　poor；　and　they　would　never　approve　if　their　daughter　became　serious　with　someone　like　him。　“I　don’t　care　what　my　parents　think；　I　love　you　and　always　will；”　she　would　say。　“We’ll　find　a　way　to　be　together。”

But　in　the　end　they　couldn’t。　By　early　September　the　tobacco　had　been　harvested　and　she　had　no　choice　but　to　return　with　her　family　to　Winston…Salem。　“Only　the　summer　is　over；　Allie；　not　us；”　he’d　said　the　morning　she　left。　“We’ll　never　be　over。”　But　they　were。　For　a　reason　he　didn’t　understand；　the　letters　he　wrote　went　unanswered。

He　decided　to　leave　New　Bern　to　help　get　her　off　his　mind；　and　also　because　the　Depression　made　earning　a　living　in　New　Bern　almost　impossible。　He　went　first　to　Norfolk　and　worked　at　a　ship…yard　for　six　months　before　he　was　laid　off；　then　moved　to　New　Jersey　because　he’d　heard　the　economy　wasn’t　so　bad　there。

He　found　a　job　in　a　scrap　yard；　separating　scrap　metal　from　everything　else。　The　owner；　a　Jewish　man　named　Morris　Goldman；　was　intent　on　collecting　as　much　scrap　metal　as　he　could；　con…vinced　that　a　war　was　going　to　start　in　Europe　and　that　America　would　be　dragged　in　again。　Noah　didn’t　care。　He　was　just　happy　to　have　a　job。

He　worked　hard。　Not　only　did　it　help　him　keep　his　mind　off　Allie　during　the　day；　but　it　was　something　he　felt　he　had　to　do。　His　daddy　had　always　said：　“Give　a　day’s　work　for　a　day’s　pay。　Any…thing　less　is　stealing。”　That　attitude　pleased　his　boss。　“It’s　a　shame　you　aren’t　Jewish；”　Goldman　would　say；　“you’re　such　a　fine　boy　in　so　many　other　ways。”　It　was　the　best　pliment　Goldman　could　give。

He　continued　to　think　about　Allie　at　night。　He　wrote　to　her　once　a　month　but　never　received　a　reply。　Eventually　he　wrote　one　final　letter　and　forced　himself　to　accept　the　fact　that　the　summer　they’d　spent　with　one　another　was　the　only　thing　they’d　ever　share。

Still；　though；　she　stayed　with　him。　Three　years　after　the　last　letter；　he　went　to　Winston…Salem　in　the　hope　of　finding　her。　He　went　to　her　house；　discovered　that　she　had　moved　and；　after　talk…ing　to　some　neighbours；　finally　called　her　father’s　firm。　The　girl　who　answered　was　new　and　didn’t　recognize　the　name；　but　she　poked　around　the　personnel　files　for　him。　She　found　out　that　Allie’s　father　had　left　the　pany　and　that　no　forwarding　address　was　listed。　That　was　the　first　and　last　time　he　ever　looked　for　her。

For　the　next　eight　years　he　worked　for　Goldman。　As　the　years　dragged　on；　the　pany　grew　and　he　was　promoted。　By　1940　he　had　mastered　the　Business　and　was　running　the　entire　operation；　brokering　the　deals　and　managing　a　staff　of　thirty。　The　yard　had　bee　the　largest　scrap…metal　dealer　on　the　east　coast。

During　that　time　he　dated　a　few　different　women。　He　became　serious　with　one；　a　waitress　from　the　local　diner　with　deep　blue　eyes　and　silky　black　hair。　Although　they　dated　for　two　years　and　had　many　good　times　together；　he　never　came　to　feel　the　same　way　about　her　as　he　did　about　Allie。　She　was　a　few　years　older　than　he　was；　and　it　was　she　who　taught　him　the　ways　to　please　a　woman；　the　places　to　touch　and　kiss；　the　things　to　whisper。

Towards　the　end　of　their　relationship　she’d　told　him　once；　“I　wish　I　could　give　you　what　you’re　looking　for；　but　I　don’t　know　what　it　is。　There’s　a　part　of　you　that　you　keep　closed　off　from　everyone；　including　me。　It’s　as　if　your’　mind　is　on　someone　else。　It’s　like　you　keep　waiting　for　her　to　pop　out　of　thin　air　to　take　you　away　from　all　this。　。　。”　A　month　later　she　visited　him　at　work　and　told　him　she’d　met　someone　else。　He　understood。　They　parted　as　friends；　and　the　following　year　he　received　a　postcard　from　her　saying　she　was　married。　He　hadn’t　heard　from　her　since。

In　December　1941；　when　he　was　twenty…six；　the　war　began；　just　as　Goldman　had　predicted。　Noah　walked　into　his　office　the　follow…ing　month　and　informed　Goldman　of　his　intent　to　enlist；　then　returned　to　New　Bern　to　say　goodbye　to　his　father。　Five　weeks　later　he　found　himself　in　training　camp。　While　there；　he　received　a　letter　from　Goldman　thanking　him　for　his　work；　together　with　a　copy　of　a　certificate　entitling　him　to　a　small　percentage　of　the　scrap　yard　if　it　was　ever　sold。　“I　couldn’t　have　done　it　without　you；”　the　letter　said。　“You’re　the　finest　young　man　who　ever　worked　for　me；　even　if　you　aren’t　Jewish。”

He　spent　his　next　three　years　with　Patton’s　Third　Army；　tramp…ing　through　deserts　in　North　Africa　and　forests　in　Europe　with　thirty　pounds　on　his　back；